How do You Decide when to CTB?

[supermario]

For you, is it a a logical process where you've made up in your mind a certain date from now, or are you relying more on emotions and how bad things are getting, taking things day by day?

For me, I know I need to CTB, but it's like I'm waiting to be pushed to do it (maybe by unbearable pain eventually) vs proactively taking it on. I know I'm just prolonging the inevitable, but I don't know how to change my mindset to be more proactive, if that makes sense.

 

[PeacefulTonic]

I think it's a tough question to answer for most people. I personally need a lot of emotional energy to ctb. And maybe some anger. I hate myself and all the decisions I've made that lead me to this point in life. If I keep repeating those things and use it as fuel, it'll probably be the push I need to finally do it when the time comes

 

[FuneralCry]

Of course ctb is very difficult, we are programmed to survive after all. I believe that in my case, I will need to be desperate to actually leave this world. If suicide was easier I would already be gone. I know that suicide is the right choice for me, and it is the only thing that makes sense. I have been suicidal for a long time. I am at peace with my decision, there is nothing that I want from life. However I know that things will get worse for me and that will make me finally be able to exit.

 

[catwalk]

waiting for the perfect time of window where chance of death will be the highest. i think that window is finally going to come tomorrow night

 

[Crimsonghost3]

I think for me it will be impulse. I already know it's coming and I already have everything set up I'm honestly just wasting away the days alone at this point. A poem I love says This is the kinda thing where waiting for the time to be right would mean waiting forever. I do keep waiting and I'm not even waiting for anything to happen but like I always do I'm just too worthless to follow through. My mind is going pretty bad lately so I do believe it's coming

 

[doesntmatter_94]

I've been suicidal since I was 10 or so. Now I'm almost 28. It has been a hell of a year for me and I have known for a while that I'm going to do it one day. It was kinda funny because I realized that it was time while I was tripping on shrooms. You know how there is sometimes a lesson to be learned when you're high? That was me. I realized how unhappy I was and I made peace with killing myself. Ever since I have been completely calm and am not worried at all. I am patiently waiting for this day to come. During my last shroom trip I saw the numbers and I knew right away that it was my date. I booked the hotel the next day and I am really happy about my decision and how it all turned out.

 

[Crimsonghost3]

I've been suicidal since I was 10 or so. Now I'm almost 28. It has been a hell of a year for me and I have known for a while that I'm going to do it one day. It was kinda funny because I realized that it was time while I was tripping on shrooms. You know how there is sometimes a lesson to be learned when you're high? That was me. I realized how unhappy I was and I made peace with killing myself. Ever since I have been completely calm and am not worried at all. I am patiently waiting for this day to come. During my last shroom trip I saw the numbers and I knew right away that it was my date. I booked the hotel the next day and I am really happy about my decision and how it all turned out.

Tripping on shrooms is also when I made peace with mine it was the most depressed I've ever felt unmovably depressed and all I could do was smile because I knew then it was okay and I was going to be out this year

 

[CatTheBus5689]

I've given myself a date that I will wait for until I allow myself to ctb. It gives me time to think and for something to happen if anything ever does. If I still want it by that day then.

I guess I couldn't come up with a reason not to.