Help How do you cope?

[kilowatt]

This is a last resort but I genuinely need help. I planned to be gone by the end of the year but as you see I didn't successfully go through with it. I'm in a very bad place in my life and even worse place mentally. I struggle financially trying to get through from a month to another. I very obviously wish to be gone out of this world but I don't have the stability or resources to do that as soon as I'd like.
I ran out of coping mechanisms. There's no solutions left I can try for my problems. My mental has gotten so bad it's affecting my health and day to day life. I believe so far I've tried everything I could think of in order to cope or get some relief on my own terms (alcohol, medicine, self harm, meditation, games, hobbies, getting into a healthy lifestyle, trying to socialize etc) but no matter what I do my thoughts take over any activity I do. I'm so stuck as of the past few weeks all I do every day is put up with withdrawals, hangover, sob all day or sleep. Is there anything else I'm missing? Any suggestions?
I've had previous bad experiences with therapy but even if it was an option I can't afford that. I'm also pretty lonely and isolated and don't wish to open up to the only friend I have left because I'm too scared of them walking out on me or not being able to handle it. I don't know what to do

 

[Sleeper System]

You're not alone. Many of us are living month to month. Check to check. Trying to keep our heads above water. It's a hard life. Anyone would call it quits. So I understand you.

I'm in the same situation. At this point im just tired. Call it depression call it laziness call it whatever. I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont care what the future holds so no point in just sitting here suffering.

 

[kilowatt]

You're not alone. Many of us are living month to month. Check to check. Trying to keep our heads above water. It's a hard life. Anyone would call it quits. So I understand you.

I'm in the same situation. At this point im just tired. Call it depression call it laziness call it whatever. I just dont want to do this anymore. I dont care what the future holds so no point in just sitting here suffering.

I'm so hopeless for the future it's not even an option. I'm really just trying to find a middle ground I can be stable on to not end up doing any sudden thing I know I'd regret. I just want it to be mildly bearable for a month or two so I can really plan my shit

 

[FuneralCry]

I could never cope with something as torturous and dreadful as existence, there is no peace and relief in being conscious burdened with this existence capable of suffering to unlimited extents and the suffering of existing really is endless, I just have no choice but to suffer as this existence was so tragically imposed and I exist in this terrible, dreadful reality where suicide is seen as a crime, it's just horrific evil extreme cruelty how humans are forced to suffer in this existence against their wishes, I always suffer so unbearably from how I cannot just have a death like never waking again to escape from this existence I just always saw as a mistake.

 

[Forever Sleep]

When it was more anxiety getting to me, I used to listen to music and walk miles and miles. I think just the contrast of being tired and cold at the end made me more grateful for simple comforts like being indoors again with a hot drink and some food. That's assuming you have time to do that and the consequences won't mess up having to work etc.

I suppose now, I feel a little less anxious. It was mostly work anxiety getting to me back then. I still feel like I'm stuck in limbo though- while I wait for my Dad to go first. I just do the very bare minimum to survive and try not to slip into illness, while distracting myself as much as possible. Weirdly, by assuring myself this isn't in fact forever- more a matter of slogging through, day to day, it makes it easier. Ironically- abandoning my hopes for a successful life has enabled me to feel more relaxed.

There again- it's usually when the big issues are troubling me that there's no real rest bite. For me- they have mostly been work related. Finding any employment, worrying about sustaining myself vs. wanting to work in a job I enjoyed and found purpose in. I've spent most of my life flip flopping between the two. I think sometimes, the bigger life problems have to be addressed to be able to relax at all.

 

[NoHorizon]

Running and music for me. Running is the only thing I really push myself to put effort into in life and basically my entire week passes by thinking about what run I'm doing today/tomorrow etc. I also love listening to music, but putting on a full album rather than a song or a playlist - by the end of the album then that's an hour done.

I feel like routines are really important to just getting by. It doesn't really matter what the routine is, and you can't beat yourself up if it slips or whatever, but just having stuff you do at certain points in the day or week are good anchors for pushing through and passing the time.

 

[instormdrains]

Running and music for me. Running is the only thing I really push myself to put effort into in life and basically my entire week passes by thinking about what run I'm doing today/tomorrow etc. I also love listening to music, but putting on a full album rather than a song or a playlist - by the end of the album then that's an hour done.

I feel like routines are really important to just getting by. It doesn't really matter what the routine is, and you can't beat yourself up if it slips or whatever, but just having stuff you do at certain points in the day or week are good anchors for pushing through and passing the time.

This is what works best for me I used to do the same exact stuff. Running winter track was really good for me especially because winter is the hardest season for me. I remember finishing my first 10k with an album called i didnt mean to haunt you by quadeca.

Respectfully cutting drinking and isolation will only make you feel worse. These things are quick dopamine but as soon as you finish you'll feel worse then ever. I know this sounds hard but try to make it outside to a patch of grass or a bench and just chill there for a bit. Being cold will wake you up and you need a change of scenery your room and bed will only make you more depressed.

 

[kunikuzushi]

I barely cope.
But I spend most of my time alone listening to music or practicing guitar.
Throughout the week I have group therapy, individual therapy, and physical therapy. I'm not looking to "recover", but the appointments force me to get out of bed, and I get my needed social interaction without the pressure of a job.
I do this through my county's free services for low income. Do you have anything like that?

 

[kilowatt]

I do this through my county's free services for low income. Do you have anything like that?

Not from what I know. I'm an uni student so the only perks I get are university related (scholarship and dorm) so I wouldn't be able to qualify for any out of work or low income services unless I completely drop out. To top off the bad luck the only counseling and therapy related services from our school have fees that would be hard for me to cover constantly.

This is what works best for me I used to do the same exact stuff. Running winter track was really good for me especially because winter is the hardest season for me. I remember finishing my first 10k with an album called i didnt mean to haunt you by quadeca.

Respectfully cutting drinking and isolation will only make you feel worse. These things are quick dopamine but as soon as you finish you'll feel worse then ever. I know this sounds hard but try to make it outside to a patch of grass or a bench and just chill there for a bit. Being cold will wake you up and you need a change of scenery your room and bed will only make you more depressed.

I've tried running a while back but I gave up fairly easy because of all the looks I felt on me. I'm also not the most athletic example you can find. I get the appeal but my anxiety overrides it far too early on. Now I do have some health problems making running a little harder but I do takes walks while listening to music at night sometimes.
Casually hanging out in the public by myself just makes me realize I'm more lonely than I'd like to accept. My mind and thoughts act up regardless of where I'm at. As much as I'd love to believe in exposure therapy I know I'd rather be more comfortable in my own misery.
I think having someone nudge me into snapping out of it might help, but I don't have the guts to ask for help or even accept it when I'm visibly in need.

 

[CatAstro.Fee]

I'm so hopeless for the future it's not even an option. I'm really just trying to find a middle ground I can be stable on to not end up doing any sudden thing I know I'd regret. I just want it to be mildly bearable for a month or two so I can really plan my shit

Babysitting helps me cope. I hate going out and always never want to go out at first, even for babysitting, but I visit my nephew sometimes and it helps so much because how much he brings out of me, even though I'm pessimistic.

I don't have time to think about awful things when I see him, I have to make him food and play and teach him, I can't leave him alone, and when I do think, I'm pretty quickly brought back to reality because he talks so much and never stops asking questions.

He's also very loving and I love hugs and being wanted. I just feel like I can go on for him. If I could, I'd be his godfather so I'd finally just suck it up and face my responsibilities because I'd have no choice to not let him down. I really want a kid, to tell you the truth. I feel like I'm picking up everyone else's shitty parenting slack and it's stressful and not fair to me but atleast I can give him the most.

That's pretty much all that helps me at this point, doing new things I normally don't helps too. Sometimes extreme, sometimes not, but it has given me some new things that I like, such as documentaries, which I used to hate.

What I want to try next is street interviewing people, or maybe being some kind of 'journalist'. Finding interesting weird people that will let me in their daily life for a bit, and maybe show that to the internet. Something. Anything.

Hope you find something, it's hard out here.

Edit 1: Also, peeped the GG Allen profile! Love it dude, it's like an easter egg to see him on people's shirts and stuff every once in a while.

Edit 2: Community work helps too. I did it for a while, covering people's food. It made me so happy, especially when people couldn't believe I would do that for them. I miss it. I highly recommend it, you might have to push to make things happen, or talk to groups, but it is exciting once you're in and you have your sense of true community and knowing other people have similiar goals as you. Of course it's not easy, but you have to remember why you're there and who it's helping. It made me go out and get better at socializing with new people.