How do i start hating myself again?

[Eddy]

This may sound like an odd question, but let me explain: I've hated myself almost all my life, due to an abusive upbringing and i've been suicidal for about 5+ years. About 2 years ago I almost killed myself and something in my life at that point made me reconsider suicide. I've looked for ways to keep going and i actively worked on getting better and loving myself, which was successful, because now i'm at a point where i would say i'm not a bad person and i can quite appreciate myself. But the situation changed recently and there is no way i could(or should for that matter) keep on living. As much as i hate it, but i can't love myself out of these circumstances. But the thought of me being a good person(or atleast not a bad one) is what actively keeps me from being able to ctb. So i guess what i'm asking is, does anyone have advice on how to reject self love and start hating myself again? Thanks in advance.

 

[Buried_Kid]

Do you really need to hate yourself to ctb? Just asking.

 

[Eddy]

Do you really need to hate yourself to ctb? Just asking.

I mean generally speaking it depends on the person, but i personally have a hard time doing this to myself because i know i don't deserve these circumstances and i feel like hating myself would make it a lot easier to go through with it

 

[Lone_Gray_Wolf]

I get where you are coming from, when one hate oneself, is being one's the worst enemy; one that one desire to put down and end; so at the end not only you are freeing yourself from the pain, but also getting rid of that one that you can't live with and can't stand: yourself.

There are ways of doing it, I always end up sabotaging myself in that regard but I won't explain how to hate yourself, what I will say is that all you have to do is look behind and past the curtain.

Best of luck.

 

[Eddy]

I get where you are coming from, when one hate oneself, is being one's the worst enemy; one that one desire to put down and end; so at the end not only you are freeing yourself from the pain, but also getting rid of that one that you can't live with and can't stand: yourself.

There are ways of doing it, I always end up sabotaging myself in that regard but I won't explain how to hate yourself, what I will say is that all you have to do is look behind and past the curtain.

Best of luck.

That's exactly what i was thinking, thank you for the advice !

 

[FuneralCry]

The way I see it, to hate something you intensely focus on the bad aspects of it and ignore and avoid thinking about the positive. I do not understand why you would feel a need to force these feelings of hatred. I guess I am different, I think being at peace with everything would make it easier for me to ctb. I wish you the best.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I hate myself to the maximum but I still cant ctb

 

[june]

Interesting question!