How do I make my parents stop caring about me?

[Cauliflour]

They care about me so damn much it makes me feel so guilty as they're nice people. Same with the rest of my family and my few friends. People seem to really care about me even though I don't deserve any of it. My parents sent me to private school for 12 years and bought me the computer I'm typing this on so I could code better, and not to mention the desk, the mic, the keyboard, the second monitor, all the manga I have, I'm just so bloody ungrateful and I don't want them finding out about all the shit I feel because then they'll spend so much of their energy trying to get me to therapy and feeling worried for me and I don't want to hurt them like that. I don't deserve to be served the nice food they make or the nice house they own or anything they do for me and I dread to think how much money they spent on me and my future, only for it to all go to waste because "I felt a little sad that day".

I guess what I'm trying to say is, how do I make them not give a crap about me anymore without hurting them? Like how do I make them just stop bothering with me? There's also this part of my brain that keeps wanting that attention and stuff from them, how do I get that part to shut up? It feels like when you mix different types of chocolate together and it goes all marble-y.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I don't think that there is really a way to stop them from caring about you. Some parents love their kids so much to the point where their child could be a murderer and they would still love them. There is no way to get them to stop giving a crap about you, especially without hurting them in the process.

 

[Cauliflour]

I don't think that there is really a way to stop them from caring about you. Some parents love their kids so much to the point that which their child could be a murderer and they would still love them. There is no way to get them to stop giving a crap about even, especially without hurting them in the process.

This is quite the predicament...

I don't deserve to live but I have to live so the people who care about me don't become depressed. Living makes peoples' lives shit but dying also makes them shit...can't win here ffs.

 

[0bebe0]

You could try to break contact with them or escape somewhere if you want to CTB. If no one finds your body, you will be assumed missing, not actually dead.
That's not the best solution, but definitely better if they were to find your body themselves

 

[Cauliflour]

You could try to break contact with them or escape somewhere if you want to CTB. If no one finds your body, you will be assumed missing, not actually dead.
That's not the best solution, but definitely better if they were to find your body themselves

I've thought about that but then they'll start looking for me and being panicked and sad and I don't want to cause them pain like that.

Also then if they ever find me then they'll ask me why.

 

[0bebe0]

I've thought about that but then they'll start looking for me and being panicked and sad and I don't want to cause them pain like that.

Also then if they ever find me then they'll ask me why.

My mom once sent cops on me when I was sleeping alone in a remote house for like a day and then the cops woke me up.
I really need to break contact with my parents, they're toxic AF

 

[EvisceratedJester]

This is quite the predicament...

I don't deserve to live but I have to live so the people who care about me don't become depressed. Living makes peoples' lives shit but dying also makes them shit...can't win here ffs.

I mean, nobody deserves to live. Being alive isn't a privilege, it's just something that happens by chance.

It does suck that we feel expected to live for the sake of other's happiness. I also find myself in a similar predicament as I don't want my death to negatively affect those who I love. Sometimes, I wonder if it is even worth worrying about since I could die at any second. Every day is a day where something could happen, leading to your death. At the same time, there is a difference between dying by chance and dying by your own hands. In the latter scenario, any pain felt by those who care about me is my fault.

 

[Cauliflour]

Sometimes, I wonder if it is even worth worrying about since I could die at any second.

I really hope you don't kill yourself, you seem pretty cool. I don't know if this makes you feel better or worse considering I'm just some random person on the internet, but I recognise profile pictures pretty quickly and if I saw a post about you being dead with your pfp in the post then I would be pretty sad as cool people like you deserve to live.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I really hope you don't kill yourself, you seem pretty cool. I don't know if this makes you feel better or worse considering I'm just some random person on the internet, but I recognise profile pictures pretty quickly and if I saw a post about you being dead with your pfp in the post then I would be pretty sad as cool people like you deserve to live.

Thanks. You know, I'm usually surprised when people enjoy my presence here since I feel like I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes and I often get carried away by my emotions. I probably won't be able to ctb anytime soon due to my current situation, so you don't need to worry.

You genuinely seem to care a lot about those around you and it's good that you do. We need more people like that in this world. I can't really offer much advice in regard to your situation since I'm stuck in a similar one. I don't believe there is such a thing as "deserving to live". Living is right, not a privilege (and dying should be treated as a right as well). I understand that you feel ungrateful, but the fact that you are acknowledging that your parents have done so much for you and feel so much guilt about it says otherwise.

 

[Cauliflour]

I'm usually surprised when people enjoy my presence here since I feel like I can be a bit of an asshole sometimes and I often get carried away by my emotions.

I've only been here for about a week so I haven't come across any posts like that but from what I see here, I don't get that impression at all, you seem very down to earth.

I understand that you feel ungrateful, but the fact that you are acknowledging that your parents have done so much for you and feel so much guilt about it says otherwise.

Wait how does that even work? Being aware that I'm a leeching piece of shit doesn't suddenly change my entire species from a parasite, it just makes me a self aware leech.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I've only been here for about a week so I haven't come across any posts like that but from what I see here, I don't get that impression at all, you seem very down to earth.

Yeah, I feel like I tend to come off that way at first, but I can be pretty irrational sometimes. I guess it's because I'm only human, but still. If you end up seeing that less than nice side of myself, please do not take me too seriously and try not to respond. I tend to be quite argumentative and I sometimes have a hard time accepting the viewpoints of others. Sometimes it is justified, but other times it isn't. Hell, I'll sometimes keep on arguing despite knowing that I'm wrong just because of how stubborn I am, lol.

Wait how does that even work? Being aware that I'm a leeching piece of shit doesn't suddenly change my entire species from a parasite, it just makes me a self aware leech.

I mean, if you were truly ungrateful then you wouldn't be on here talking acknowledging all the things your parents have done for you. It's clear that you feel thankful for all that have done for yourself and this is only amplified by the guilt you feel in return. Somebody who isn't grateful wouldn't be reacting this way. I understand that you feel like a parasite, but it's the job of a parent to take care of their offspring. I doubt that they are doing what they are doing in the hopes of you paying them back someday. At least from the sounds of it, it seems as though they just want to ensure that you are doing well. I understand that feeling of being a parasite, but they probably don't view it that way. I don't think that you are a parasite either. You are just being taken care of by two people who love you.

 

[Cauliflour]

I shouldn't even be feeling sad in the first place. I haven't experienced loss to any friend or family member that I care about. I live in a nice house. I have nice food that's even organic now. The state of my country could be doing much worse right now. I'm incapable of doomscrolling and didn't have social media until I was 12 so I have a childhood to look back on. It's sunny. I have stability of a sorts in the future. I have nice clothes. I'm surrounded by nice people. I live in a nice, wealthy subherb. I can easily become conventionally attractive if I feel like straightening my hair and getting rid of the black eyeshadow as I'm natually tall and slim with good genetics. My physical health was great before I kept trying to fuck it up. I don't get autistic meltdowns. I get to go to NYC later this year. I've had unrestricted internet access. I have ambitions and hobbies and skills so why do I just keep feeling worse and worse?

I feel like I'm falling into depression but nothing's happened for me to even become depressed. Nobody close to me is dead. I'm not being overworked. I'm not in war. I'm not in America. I'm not sick. I'm not wasting away in my room all day. Anything traumatic to me was all my fault anyway. I'm just a piece of shit that can never improve and I'm so fucking tired of feeling like shit but I'll never sort it out because I'm too pathetic to.

 

[Dot]

They care about me so damn much it makes me feel so guilty as they're nice people. Same with the rest of my family and my few friends. People seem to really care about me even though I don't deserve any of it. My parents sent me to private school for 12 years and bought me the computer I'm typing this on so I could code better, and not to mention the desk, the mic, the keyboard, the second monitor, all the manga I have, I'm just so bloody ungrateful and I don't want them finding out about all the shit I feel because then they'll spend so much of their energy trying to get me to therapy and feeling worried for me and I don't want to hurt them like that. I don't deserve to be served the nice food they make or the nice house they own or anything they do for me and I dread to think how much money they spent on me and my future, only for it to all go to waste because "I felt a little sad that day".

I guess what I'm trying to say is, how do I make them not give a crap about me anymore without hurting them? Like how do I make them just stop bothering with me? There's also this part of my brain that keeps wanting that attention and stuff from them, how do I get that part to shut up? It feels like when you mix different types of chocolate together and it goes all marble-y.

Hve u evr xplored reasn u r feelng lke ths

Nt all depressn = situatnl

 

[gothbird]

Jesus fuck I just read this after the page reloaded automatically after my post and not many people have managed to make me tear up like this. I appreciate the thought but you should really be using that time it took to type that to do better things than help some random person on the internet that'll never learn.

I don't see it as wasted time. You're not "some random person." You're a human being trying to carry something that hurts like hell. That's not nothing.

And yeah, maybe you won't learn. Maybe none of us will. But that's not the point. The point is showing up anyway. Saying something true anyway. Holding the weight with someone for a few minutes, even if they drop it again after.

You don't have to believe you're worth that kind of care right now. Most of us don't, when we're deep in it. But I do. And I'll keep showing up for people like you, not because I expect them to be "fixed," but because I know what it's like to need a voice that doesn't flinch.

So no—I don't think I should've spent that time differently.
And I'm glad you read it.

 

[Cauliflour]

Hve u evr xplored reasn u r feelng lke ths

There was a woman in my head that told me about it but then I got into a fight with her because I drank too much coffee and started feeling much more suicidal than normal and she didn't want me to die but I wanted to die and tried to choke myself and she hasn't come back since. She's left my dreams and ever since I've just been feeling shittier and shittier.

edit: just wanna clarify that i'm not scisophrenic. i think. it's more like someone taking over my vocal chords and most of my brain functions for a short period of time and then lingering in the background,.

 

[Dot]

There was a woman in my head that told me about it but then I got into a fight with her because I drank too much coffee and started feeling much more suicidal than normal and she didn't want me to die but I wanted to die and tried to choke myself and she hasn't come back since. She's left my dreams and ever since I've just been feeling shittier and shittier.

Thse ppl in ur hed r oftn jst anothr prt of u whch = hurtng

Am nt 'pro-lfe' bt = u r comng acrss tht u r beatng urslf up & tht = smethng tht u d/ nt dserve - u do nt hve 2 h8 urslf fr strugglng

If u hve lts of reasns fr livng thn perhps tryng therpy mght b gd idea - = ur decisn bt suicde wll alwys b thre aftr bt thre r 0 optns 2 try aftr suicde

Jst slf opinn

 

[Cauliflour]

Thse ppl in ur hed r oftn jst anothr prt of u whch = hurtng

She's been there since I was 11. Not very strong in her presence, but still there. I wasn't fucked in the head until I was 13. I get mad easily and she originally came to tell me to shut the hell up. Actually was it more like when I punched that wall when I was 10? Idk. Either way she's some other entity. Also my life was better when she was there but I didn't see her as a positive until she was gone and I've been counting the days. It's been 62 days. I really want her back but I don't deserve her. She made me feel human and not just a half empty shell. I wish I was hallucinating and scisophrenic so i could hug her. I really want to hug someone close but it's weird for someone my age to just randomly hug someone; i'm not a toddler anymore.

 

[mossmoth]

this is a very, very common experience. there is a reason that many people drift away or slowly cut contact over time before they ctb. i've never seen this work in its intended way though, most often it just causes a lot and grief and guilt because isolation is one of the most obvious signs of ideation/plans, and loved ones will remember and guilt over not giving help.

 

[Cauliflour]

If you choose to go, that's valid.

Just thought of this but if I die then people are going to look through my solid state for info or stuff and then they'll find this website in my search history a lot and I'm from the UK which already doesn't like this website very much and I don't want this neat little place ending up on national news and/or potentially getting blocked because of me because you bet some tabloids are gonna come up with some crazy story.

 

[mossmoth]

If u hve lts of reasns fr livng thn perhps tryng therpy mght b gd idea - = ur decisn bt suicde wll alwys b thre aftr bt thre r 0 optns 2 try aftr suicde

I agree with this user, and have a couple things to add-

not "pro-life" either, by any means, but if you have loved ones and a good life otherwise, therapy or medication are options before ctb. The brain is treatable, hormone/chemical imbalances that could be causing this aren't impossible to fix. Of course, if you choose to go, that is valid as well- being treated requires money, support, energy, and motivation that you might not have. But if the notion of living being easier someday in a far future outweighs the work you have to put into it, treatment is an option.

either way, you deserve to find peace. you are a kind person and i wish the best for you.

 

[Dot]

'IFS Therpy' mght b wrth a googl

 

[badatparties]

Lots of people are in a similar situation. At the end of the day, it's your life not theirs.

Loving you means letting you do what you think is best for yourself. Freedom of choice means everything.

Also, it's not wrong to accept and appreciate their love and support. Mental health absolutely doesn't discriminate between poor and rich. You have no reason to feel guilty.

Be well.

 

[Xiaojiu]

Sadly, there's no sure way to make your parents stop caring about you. The only video I have seen is where a child finally found their real mother after a few decades due to them being adopted. And their real mother told them that they gave them up for a reason and to not try and contact them again.

 

[Lo$t95]

I wrote a whole post on survival instinct and guilt but it got taken down. Probably too direct. So I'll put it like this: this is what works for me, not gospel truth. If it doesn't help, toss it.

What you're describing? That split inside you? It's real. The part that feels unworthy and the part that still wants connection—it's not weakness or manipulation. It's just two versions of you trying to make sense of being loved while also hating yourself.

And guilt? Guilt thrives in the absence of self-worth. You're stacking every act of kindness your family has ever shown you and holding it like evidence in a trial. But here's the thing: love doesn't work like a transaction. They didn't feed you and send you to school because you earned it—they did it because they care. That doesn't mean you owe them a life you don't want. It just means that if you do go, it will hurt. And that's okay to admit without shaming yourself for it.

You're not ungrateful. You're not broken chocolate. You're just carrying a brain that's convinced pain invalidates privilege.

And for the record? Wanting love and attention doesn't make you selfish. It makes you human. That "part of your brain" is just trying to survive the loneliness.

If you're trying to work through guilt instead of being crushed under it, here are a few tools that helped me:

---

1. Cognitive Separation
Write out two columns: one for what belongs to your pain, and one for what belongs to them. Guilt likes to blur the lines. Clarity gives you distance.

2. Letter Writing (with No Pressure to Send)
Write a letter to the people you care about. Say everything. Don't censor it. Cry if you need to. Then fold it up and put it away. You don't need to send it. Just acknowledging their place in your life can help shift the emotional weight.

3. Visualisation
Picture them after. Let it hurt. Let your brain see the grief—but then also let it imagine the part after that. Them surviving. Laughing again. Making new connections. Healing isn't immediate, but it's possible.

4. Desensitisation to Emotional Flashbacks
If your brain floods you with memories or voices, prep for it. Pick a grounding phrase or breath pattern you can use when the spiral hits. Guilt feeds on panic. Prepping helps reduce the surge.

5. Anchor Transfer
If your guilt is tied to "I have to live for them," try shifting it. "I'll go gently for them." Or "I'll prepare things so they don't carry more than they have to." You're not erasing the pain, just reducing the mess.

6. Reframing
This part helps me most when the guilt or panic gets philosophical—when my brain spirals into loops of "what if" or "how dare I." Sometimes I need to switch the angle. A few reframes I use:

• Instead of "They'll be devastated," I try:
  → "They'll grieve, but grief is a sign of love, not proof I shouldn't go."
• Instead of "They gave me so much," I try:
  → "They gave me what they could. I gave what I had. That's already an exchange."
• Instead of "They'll think I was ungrateful," I try:
  → "Pain doesn't mean I didn't appreciate things. Both can be true."
• Instead of "I should just disappear quietly," I try:
  → "I'm allowed to speak before I go. Silence isn't a debt I owe anyone."

---

You're not selfish for wanting peace. You're not evil for having that thought about your family. You're just tired—and guilt is loudest when you're already exhausted.

If you choose to stay, that's strong.
If you choose to go, that's valid.
Just don't let guilt be the only voice in the room.

You're not a waste. Even if you go, you weren't a waste.

It's disappeared from my saved posts. Can you please send me the one about guilt ~ I need that one.

 

[grapevoid]

It can't happen, if you have loving parents, even doing something messed up isn't going to stop them from caring deeply for you, forever, no matter what happens. It's so hard, we're lonely when people don't care and anxious and guilty when they do.

 

[therealbird]

I don't know, but I'm worried about the same. It hurts a lot being with them since I can see the pain I cause them when they see me suffering. I know that if I cbt I'll cause them an irreparable damage, they are the only thing I care about now, and it makes cbt very hard.