How do I learn to love with what I'm left with?

[Lycoris]

i hate when i cant sleep for some reason, i either sleep too much or too little. my body makes me sleepy when i need to be awake, and feel awake when i need to be asleep. i hate my body sometimes, wish i just had a normal healthy body. i wish i could just sleep my entire life away honestly, the life i live in my vivid dreams feel so much nicer than whatever sad excuse for reality that i experience when i wake up every day... im starting to feel like i have maladaptive daydreaming sometimes because entire years have passed and i genuinely dont even remember what has happened other than some loose recollection of memories that come back to me at random moments. it feels like its the only way i can get through the day but sometimes i'll have small moments of lucidity and feel an intense guilt that i've wasted so much of my life escaping into my own head instead of having memories with real people in person. it's like a prison with no guard or bars except for the ones my own mind has put into place, except knowing that makes no difference in end

 

[grapefruit04]

Daydreaming often and the moment of lucidity and guilt over wasted time is relatable. I don't know how to stop either, daydreaming has been a crutch for me. Can't imagine living without it. I try to tell myself that atleast I have a unique experience if that's worth something. Knowing that you are the one limiting yourself can make a difference, though. You can always start over with your mind I think