Discussion How did you get over your insecurities?

[SmigSauer]

I have been insecure about my looks for practically my whole life. I know that I objectively am at-least average looking, yet I still hate the way I look and it is mainly due to my immutable characteristics (eye color, skin color, height). I am not even really wishing that I had a different face or anything, I just wish that my features were different. The cruelty of genetics means that I can't have incredibly pale skin, or be 6'0 tall.

A lot of people don't particularly worry about that and learn to be content with their appearance. I haven't been able to do so and it is driving me up the wall. I try very hard to make myself look as good as I can possibly look, not even for attention (I want no attention from others), but just so I can look in the mirror and not despise my appearance.

What has helped you to get over your insecurities? I cannot seem to come to terms with the fact that I will never be born with the features I wanted to be born with.

 

[Forever Sleep]

To be truthful, I haven't really gotten over my insecurities- I've found ways to avoid them! My more major ones were/ are: social anxiety and lack of confidence- especially in social situations. I both live and work alone now so- I'm less affected by them but, they made my earlier life so difficult/ unpleasant.

I also used to hate my looks. It doesn't affect me quite so much now because, I feel no desire to attract someone now. I'm also not around people that much to be judged.

I enjoy the freedom if I'm honest too. I hated wearing makeup or wearing feminine clothes or, even looking smartly dressed. None of it were things I enjoyed so- I'm relieved to be free of all that.

I wouldn't say avoidance is the best solution though- seeing as it can limit us in life. I suppose when I was more concerned, I did my best with what I had for a while. I think probably exposure therapy is probably necessary too. Growing accustomed to being in situations we find uncomfortable.

 

[GyreOfAsh]

I have only ever gotten over the insecurities that I could completely fix. One is that I used to be fat & was deeply insecure about it, now I'm low bodyfat so I feel that the insecurity is gone. The fear of getting fat again is still there though. So in a way, I could still be insecure since it haunts me (sometimes in my dreams lol) & causes me body dysmorphia at times.

And then there are other insecurities I have about looks or intelligence for example. I can't significantly increase either, so I'm always stuck at the plateau. Everyone experiences this plateau with the insecurities they can't fully change & the most recommended best course of action is the platitude of accepting it & focusing on more attainable achievements.

But God I hate that option. I'm the type to rather dwell on it in bitterness than accept it. Accepting is insanely difficult for me with insecurities that are actually logically sound & deeply socially important. So this is why I could laugh it off when someone believes that I'm dumb & can't do the same if someone calls me ugly or incompetent for instance. I will be replaying their words in my head well into the night.

So yeah, I don't believe that I'll ever be able to cope with certain insecurities especially like looks. This will never change for me since I don't have enough money for good implants or surgery. And boy would I need a lot. Absolutely cooked. But this might not be the case for everyone. Some people may not benefit from giving up, dwelling, getting over it or used to it, etc.

Makes me think of times where I'd be critical of something like my hair cutting skills even after others told me that I shouldn't be. I ignored them & I'm better for it because I'm better at cutting my hair now. This can apply to many logic based insecurities & it's why I'm not the biggest fan of the cliche. If all humans coped that hard, we'd have likely died out by now.