Venting How depression eats a persons joy and interests away.

[WishfulNeanderthal]

I've sometimes seen people (usually those who have never had depression) who say "Depression is just feeling low and sometimes suicidal, or unmotivated".

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Yet it's more than that, at least for me. I have battled depression for 12 years now, starting at 13 it creeped in (which no 13 year old let alone anyone should have to deal with) and slowly but surely it started eat away at my interest of the world, first went the curiosity of things, my self worth and my self image. Later on I did manage to spark some interest back, but it was difficult; the interest then was psychology, which pushed me to finish high school and go to uni for psychology.

For a while, I was just dealing with anxiety and some depressive episodes, yet my interests started to wane slowly, from random small interests to bigger hobbies like reading. Then my interest in psychology went away, resulting in me failing the bachelor's (but managing to snag one in sociology). Then my interest and academic curiosity went away completely, and my interest in the Shinto religion and general philosophy went away after that.

Quickly after that the rest of my interests faltered and fell, until I was pretty much just playing video games, watching anime or tv shows...and then it also went away, I don't even care to play games anymore and I have to push myself to watch tv shows.

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Depression eats away at a person, it affects memory (due to the inflammatory effect it has on the brain), like for example, I can't remember the majority of my teenage years. It eats away interests, joys, taste, curiosity, heck, even love sometimes. I can't remember the last time I legit enjoyed food or chocolate.

So yeah, just wanted to vent about that, I've lost a lot to depression.

 

[Life]

I think depression hits everyone differently, depression isn't an emotion, it's something far worse, it feels out of your control.

 

[Pale_Rider]

I dont have the real clinical depression I think they call it, but I get, and am really sad. I dont enjoy my hobbies anymore, and have to force myself to eat. I always have ctb in the back of my mind.

 

[WishfulNeanderthal]

I think depression hits everyone differently, depression isn't an emotion, it's something far worse, it feels out of your control.

Agreed!

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

It is not pleasant to experience decay, to find yourself exposed to the ravages of an almost daily rain, and to know that you are turning into something feeble, that more and more of you will blow off with the first strong wind, making you less and less. [...] Depression starts out insipid, fogs the days into a dull color, weakens ordinary actions until their clear shapes are obscured by the effort they require, leaves you tired and bored and self-obsessed.

- The Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon

 

[cemeteryismyhome]

For me, depression is just normal reality. Not a condition, not something that changed my life, just the way things are, always have been, and always will be.

 

[divinemistress36]

I was just thinking about how depression effects memory. I cant remember half my life it pains me when friends and family bring up memories I cant remember

 

[futileflutters]

Feels like it corrodes away at the person you were until you're just a husk, till you've been hollowed out and all that remains is a paper thin layer pretending to be a person; As if you're already dead and your body just hasn't realized it yet.

 

[dead dav]

I agree with all the above I used to be good at hiding my depression and anxiety but not any more I stops you from enjoying life I hate waking up in the morning

 

[joaosembraco12]

I've seen some good analyses here, I'll try to comment on them one by one. I think a little differently from you, OP, I don't think we lose interest in our tastes and hobbies. When I was at the lowest point of my depression, I still had fun watching soccer matches (I have great memories of the 2022 World Cup, it was one of the happiest periods of my life even though I was depressed), watching porn, smoking, drinking and eating junk food (I got 50kgs fat) at the time. Anyway, it's my case, everyone is different, but in my case, I still kept "interests" and "good things", even though I was in the crap and thought about killing every day. Yes, I know that the things mentioned are dopamine bombs and it makes total sense to "like" them even in depression, I know it's not healthy, but it's important for reflection. It's strange, because I used to love philosophy, watching movies, playing video games and also consuming art in general (music, paintings, poetry, literature), but I didn't give a shit about it during my depression. Well, what do I now think about that? I think that those things I "liked" were merely copes, things I did to escape the anguish of existence and loneliness. It worked for a while, but then I simply realized that I didn't like it, I pretended to like it to deal with my problems, I really wanted to have friends, date, have a good job, go hang out with friends. In short, it was just a bunch of crap that I was consuming so that I wouldn't feel like total garbage, but deep down it didn't fill my existence. Of course, each case is different, but for me it was just a process of realization.

I think depression hits everyone differently, depression isn't an emotion, it's something far worse, it feels out of your control.

I'm thinking along those lines too. We've been told that depression is a disease, just like the flu, pneumonia, AIDS and so on. It's not, it's a condition of existence, it's a realization. The depressed person only discovers that they are depressed, they don't "get infected with a disease". I admit, I'm skeptical about the pharmaceutical industry, research institutes, the "academic consensus", I even tend to be a conspiracy theorist, i know, but I think this way, a lot of bullshit is spread out there by "experts".