Help How can I cope with having no friends/no social life?

[Spite]

Title, pretty much. And by "no friends" I mean no IRL friends. I have a small handful of people online who I have never met IRL who I communicate with but that's about it.

At this point I'm convinced I will never have any meaningful real-life friendships. I've never had a close, genuine friendship in my entire life. Trust me, it will never happen. I'm just going to have to accept my fate that I will always be a friendless loser. Also, pretty much no-one is making new friends in their late 20s. Most people already have well-established social lives and friend circles and are not looking for new friends. Most people my age are also busy hustling and only have time to worry about themselves, which I can't blame them for.

Even if I were to somehow miraculously make new friends and get a social circle right now, it would always be awkward and it would feel "off" because I've never experienced a social connection like that before and I'm nearly 30. This is something that naturally develops in us when we are CHILDREN, and I completely missed out on it. I have missed out on one of the most fundamental aspects of being alive - friendship. It sounds almost unbelievable how anyone can go their entire lives without a single meaningful friendship, but I guess there is a very tiny amount of very unlucky people who do, and I'm one of them.

How do I cope with this? How do I stay sane? How do I embrace True Forced Loneliness? Can it be embraced?

 

[certified_idiot]

I've had imaginary friends for my entire life that I still talk to, even as an adult. Socialization becomes a lot easier when you can control the entire situation and the other person's responses. At this point, I'm so dissociated from reality that my imaginary friends feel more real than real people. I know this isn't a healthy solution, but it's better than just wallowing in your misery.

 

[wine is fine but]

you have already coped, which means that you are much stronger than you think you are

none of us have any idea what others are going through, but there is a good chance many people here have gone through what you have - many of us will feel we have

but you have already made it this far - you have already done the hard yards - life does get easier in many, many respects from your late 20's

and this will probably not help you if you claim to have none, but for me quality is always much more important than quantity. first off, you need to be your own best friend. be true to yourself first and foremost

 

[Aknu132]

Title, pretty much. And by "no friends" I mean no IRL friends. I have a small handful of people online who I have never met IRL who I communicate with but that's about it.

At this point I'm convinced I will never have any meaningful real-life friendships. I've never had a close, genuine friendship in my entire life. Trust me, it will never happen. I'm just going to have to accept my fate that I will always be a friendless loser. Also, pretty much no-one is making new friends in their late 20s. Most people already have well-established social lives and friend circles and are not looking for new friends. Most people my age are also busy hustling and only have time to worry about themselves, which I can't blame them for.

Even if I were to somehow miraculously make new friends and get a social circle right now, it would always be awkward and it would feel "off" because I've never experienced a social connection like that before and I'm nearly 30. That shit naturally develops in us when we are CHILDREN, and I completely missed out on it. I have missed out on one of the most fundamental aspects of being alive - friendship. It sounds almost unbelievable how anyone can go their entire lives without a single meaningful friendship, but I guess there is a very tiny amount of very unlucky people who do, and I'm one of them.

How do I cope with this? How do I stay sane? How do I embrace True Forced Loneliness? Can it be embraced?

I'm on the same situation, no real life profound friendship. i personally can't cope with this, it's one of the mains reasons for me to CTB too. I wish you the best, i understand how are you feeling, it's such a profound sadness.

 

[Yknot]

Maybe friendships are overrated. Most friends are dispensable and contact is superficial. People wear masks and hold poses to desperately fit in friend groups. Often I am more lonely in a group than by myself. Real connections are rare, don't think that everyone with so called friends has a better life than you. Try to love or at least accept yourself first. Be nice to other people. And who knows, you may actually meet somone you like.

 

[Spite]

Maybe friendships are overrated. Most friends are dispensable and contact is superficial. People wear masks and hold poses to desperately fit in friend groups. Often I am more lonely in a group than by myself. Real connections are rare, don't think that everyone with so called friends has a better life than you. Try to love or at least accept yourself first. Be nice to other people. And who knows, you may actually meet somone you like.

I've thought this to myself a few times, and, in a way you could be right. Friendships probably are overrated. A lot of people are fake and superficial, and probably a lot of the friendships I've observed are just barely held together with duct tape and aren't really genuine. I think I do need to learn to just be comfortable with myself and enjoy my own company, be my own best friend. Real connections are indeed rare.

Thank you for your post. It was a bit of an eye-opener.. I think I need to start with loving and accepting myself first, even if it's hard.

And thank you to everybody else who has posted in this thread too. I appreciate reading your responses.

 

[Jadotine]

As per other replies, I am sure that you have done well so far and that you can find some real connections

It may depend where you are from but I recently made a brand new circle of friends over meet ups so I feel like you can maybe try this?

Do you have any hobbies (board games/gaming/travelling etc.)? For example I initially met them over a board games meetup and over some weeks we became much closer.
We were all 20+ y.o so if you don't have social anxiety (or even if you do) I suggest to try that! But I do agree that making real friends when in your twenties and thirties is difficult, but it is possible

 

[thenextstory]

Hey, I'm in the same place as you, I know how hopeless it feels. I made one friend as an adult by going on a student exchange, now I've moved back home and I'm alone again. I miss that friend so much.

My strategy for the future is to change my environment again, and be around a bunch of other people who are entering a new environment (and thus looking to make friends). And using benzos/alcohol to loosen myself up and participate in social stuff. I'm still looking for the right opportunity since I'm no longer in school. Maybe grad school, idk.

If you find yourself in a social group, it will feel weird and unnatural so you have to fake it. Benzos or alcohol will make the faking it more tolerable. I know this isn't amazing advice but this is how I've coped.

 

[Spite]

As per other replies, I am sure that you have done well so far and that you can find some real connections

It may depend where you are from but I recently made a brand new circle of friends over meet ups so I feel like you can maybe try this?

Do you have any hobbies (board games/gaming/travelling etc.)? For example I initially met them over a board games meetup and over some weeks we became much closer.
We were all 20+ y.o so if you don't have social anxiety (or even if you do) I suggest to try that! But I do agree that making real friends when in your twenties and thirties is difficult, but it is possible

Thank you. Maybe I should try again... I've tried about a dozen different social groups in my lifetime and nothing has ever really worked, but... I think at this point, what have I got to lose? Why not try again?

I have some interests like that (gaming, anime, and some 'light' sports like table tennis, pickleball, bowling), so maybe I could find a meetup group involving those. Even if I don't make any friends, it might be nice to just... exist amongst other people and feel like I am a part of something. Better than staying locked up in my room totally alone all the time, I think.

 

[Jadotine]

Thank you. Maybe I should try again... I've tried about a dozen different social groups in my lifetime and nothing has ever really worked, but... I think at this point, what have I got to lose? Why not try again?

I have some interests like that (gaming, anime, and some 'light' sports like table tennis, pickleball, bowling), so maybe I could find a meetup group involving those. Even if I don't make any friends, it might be nice to just... exist amongst other people and feel like I am a part of something. Better than staying locked up in my room totally alone all the time, I think.

Yeah sometimes it doesn't always work out right away... I had met quite some people before I settled down with a closer group of friends
I am sure that you can find some groups where you would fit in! Usually once you start going out a bit more you meet new people and they will introduce you to other people too.
At least it doesn't cost too much to try and even if you don't end up connecting with anybody in particular you can just have a fun time out :)

I suggest using apps to see if there are already meetups that would line up with your interests, might be worth a try

 

[Yknot]

Even if I don't make any friends, it might be nice to just... exist amongst other people and feel like I am a part of something.

The best friendships are those where you just exist amongst other people and feel appreciated for who you are - so that comes really close.

If you find yourself in a social group, it will feel weird and unnatural so you have to fake it. Benzos or alcohol will make the faking it more tolerable. I know this isn't amazing advice but this is how I've coped.

I guess that in my college years I would have qualified as alcoholic - and it has definitely helped me to develop some kind of social skills. But there is a thin line between adapting and faking. If alcohol reduces your social anxiety then it can help for sure. But I would not try to pretend to be fundamentally different than you really are. It doesn't work and will probably backfire. There is a thing like being too eager - and that puts people off. Real friends will appreciate you for who you are - but they can only recognize the real you if you are brave enough to show it. Not all the time - but enough.

 

[WaffleCat]

Title, pretty much. And by "no friends" I mean no IRL friends. I have a small handful of people online who I have never met IRL who I communicate with but that's about it.

At this point I'm convinced I will never have any meaningful real-life friendships. I've never had a close, genuine friendship in my entire life. Trust me, it will never happen. I'm just going to have to accept my fate that I will always be a friendless loser. Also, pretty much no-one is making new friends in their late 20s. Most people already have well-established social lives and friend circles and are not looking for new friends. Most people my age are also busy hustling and only have time to worry about themselves, which I can't blame them for.

Even if I were to somehow miraculously make new friends and get a social circle right now, it would always be awkward and it would feel "off" because I've never experienced a social connection like that before and I'm nearly 30. This is something that naturally develops in us when we are CHILDREN, and I completely missed out on it. I have missed out on one of the most fundamental aspects of being alive - friendship. It sounds almost unbelievable how anyone can go their entire lives without a single meaningful friendship, but I guess there is a very tiny amount of very unlucky people who do, and I'm one of them.

How do I cope with this? How do I stay sane? How do I embrace True Forced Loneliness? Can it be embraced?

Try to embrace the humor in life. As in, don't take things too seriously. Just say dumb shit and do dumb shit, don't be a try hard. People will like that.

 

[name2come]

Title, pretty much. And by "no friends" I mean no IRL friends. I have a small handful of people online who I have never met IRL who I communicate with but that's about it.

At this point I'm convinced I will never have any meaningful real-life friendships. I've never had a close, genuine friendship in my entire life. Trust me, it will never happen. I'm just going to have to accept my fate that I will always be a friendless loser. Also, pretty much no-one is making new friends in their late 20s. Most people already have well-established social lives and friend circles and are not looking for new friends. Most people my age are also busy hustling and only have time to worry about themselves, which I can't blame them for.

Even if I were to somehow miraculously make new friends and get a social circle right now, it would always be awkward and it would feel "off" because I've never experienced a social connection like that before and I'm nearly 30. This is something that naturally develops in us when we are CHILDREN, and I completely missed out on it. I have missed out on one of the most fundamental aspects of being alive - friendship. It sounds almost unbelievable how anyone can go their entire lives without a single meaningful friendship, but I guess there is a very tiny amount of very unlucky people who do, and I'm one of them.

How do I cope with this? How do I stay sane? How do I embrace True Forced Loneliness? Can it be embraced?

So, I'm nearly 50 and I've never had a meaningful friendship. I've had some fleeting ones, but my closest friends always had dozens of closer friends in their lives. I was very awkward growing up, probably neurodivergent in some way, and I think I just missed out on learning how to make friends. I don't trust myself in friendship situations and invariably undercommit to personal relationships out of fear of asking too much from someone. So I always end up alone.

Maybe the saddest thing about this is that it's kind of okay. Having some online friends is actually a really big deal. I always struggled with that just as much as IRL friendships, but those ARE people you are friends with. Don't undersell that. For me, I was able to figure out romantic relationships, but those are harder when you don't have your own friends. But, it also helped me recognize that most people don't have a lot of close friends by the time they are 30 or so. They might have transactional relationships, but more people are struggling with friendships than you might realize. A lot of people who have friends aren't really maintaining them well. I've seen my partner go from having 6 close friends in her life to having just one in just a couple of years and she didn't do anything wrong. Mostly it was other people failing her, but that's just a thing people deal with. It made me realize that maybe there wasn't as much I was missing out on.

If there was something I could say to my younger self, it would really just be to be more open to online friendships. I know there were people who were reaching out to me that I kept at arms length when I could have built something deeper. At the same time, I'm not sure I ever had the skills to do that. But the moments I felt the most connected online were the happiest I've ever been. If that's something you have any capacity to foster, I hope that you can. Losing that never felt as crushing while it was happening as it does that it's gone.