Help How Can I Build Up The Courage?

[Voidad]

Really can't take it anymore. I've been trying to get accepted into a psychiatric ward, stay there for around 2 months, as like a last resort to my problems but it's always full.
Seems I'm just invisible to them, like tears in the rain, even when I'm at my last legs, my last breaths.
I'm well convinced this pain is not going away. And I'm done with rotting away in my room, listening to other people that it will get better, waiting for something to change.
It's been more than ten years, since I was fighting this, only to get worse and worse.

I'm very scared of death, everyone. Even when writing this post, I cannot help but shake in fear.
But I just cannot take being alive for another day anymore. There is no way death can be worse than this.

And even if I manage to be brave, not sure what method I can use... I don't have a gun, I don't have access to like the roof of a very tall structure, medications don't do crap and... well doing stuff with knives might be the hardest and most unreliable method...

How can I be less scared of it? How can I build up the courage to actually do something? And what can I do?
Please, anyone, give me some advice.

And also, I do apologize for not using any terms or abbreviations or anything. I don't spend a lot of time on this web-site, so I do not know much.

 

[uselessmanz]

You really can't access a hotel balcony or anything at all? That's my preferred method, I need to do it ASAP

 

[left0vers]

Is it some kind of high-end psych ward? Because the one that I was in would take everyone, more often than not against their will.

 

[vira]

I'm very scared of death, everyone. How can I build up the courage to actually do something? And what can I do?
Please, anyone, give me some advice.

its very hard to create the will inside yourself to CTB when you're afraid of death. you will be spending the rest of, likely eternity, in "death", so you should first ask yourself why you're afraid of death.

is it uncertainty? is it what you believe the afterlife will look like?

if it helps, what i believe the afterlife to be, is a loss of consciousness. like how it feels to sleep without a dream- you aren't there to feel any sensations, or think any bad thoughts.

after you have overcome and/or confronted your fear of death, i would suggest looking for a less direct method. it might be hard to shoot a bullet through your head, but drinking SN may be easier for you. i would look at the pinned megathreads on the forum, they will be helpful. also look over the PPeH.

good luck, wishing you well

You really can't access a hotel balcony or anything at all? That's my preferred method, I need to do it ASAP

you should be cautious of the height of the hotel. you could end up permanently paralyzed if you jump incorrectly, and its more likely to happen the closer you are to the ground

Is it some kind of high-end psych ward? Because the one that I was in would take everyone, more often than not against their will.

im not sure where they live, but in the west, its very hard to find a psych ward that actively wants people seeking help. there is a very large amount of people who struggle with their mental health, and the psych wards in the US are often backed up (or just plain terrible).