Venting hoping to be diagnosed with cancer because that would be fair to the world

[dinosavr]

I used to be scared of the idea of being diagnosed with cancer one day, but since I have depression, it changed. And now I have the proof thatI'm not just talking crazy, but I actually dream about it.
It may seem controversial and disrespectful to others who have cancer and it destroyed their lives but that's what makes me feel like it's fair. I want to die and I cant seem to do it myself, I'm losing hope that I'll ever be fully ready. And cancer is a great excuse to kill myself! I might very much do it in such scenario. No one will blame me. And there are so many innocent people who die from cancer every single day and they want to live!

Recently, I've started the diagnosis process for my eye and yesterday I was on MRI scan of my head. I got the scans and of course it all looks like a pulp and I'm nowhere near doctor lol, but I found some elements that kind of look like they have potential to be a tumor. I discovered later on that it's what I've been waiting for. And when I receive results and it will all be alright, I think I'd be truly disappointed. Keep your fingers crossed guys!!

 

[hadenough58]

I do not have a specific terminal disease in mibd but it would be the perfect answer for me, I say this as it takes the decision out of my hands, provides a life insurance payout for my children and no stigma from judgmental people on my taking my own life.

 

[TheBlackSwordsman]

What was the result?

 

[Manfrotto99]

I have a big lump on my leg that I've had for a while and am hoping it is cancerous, but knowing my luck it isn't. My cousin was recently diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer and I think its cruel that people who want to live get cancer while I don't. I have SN, but it would just be another thing to help overcome the SI.

 

[dimgobaith]

I'd be happy to get cancer if it means someone else more deserving of life doesn't.
In fact I'd be happy with cancer anyway, I deserve it

 

[dinosavr]

What was the result?

No cancer. It's close though and I was told to keep an eye on it

 

[Ashu]

No cancer. It's close though and I was told to keep an eye on it

I also have a lump in a very cancerish place, where the underarm lymph nodes are, it's been there for at least four years so it can't be cancer yet, but it might be pre-cancer, as in your case. My arm on that side also feels weird and fucked up. Haven't been to a doctor about it.

 

[doneforlife]

I do not have a specific terminal disease in mibd but it would be the perfect answer for me, I say this as it takes the decision out of my hands, provides a life insurance payout for my children and no stigma from judgmental people on my taking my own life.

How painful is cancer ? I have heard people getting diagnosed at the end stage , meaning there was not enough pain to notify that something is wrong till the end stage was reached.

 

[dinosavr]

How painful is cancer ? I have heard people getting diagnosed at the end stage , meaning there was not enough pain to notify that something is wrong till the end stage was reached.

It all depends on a person and on a type of cancer they have.

I also would like to add that if any of the mods can close down this thread (or anyone else tell me how?) I'd be grateful! I think it should never have been created or at least my approach was wrong. I might very much want to die and that's valid, but cancer still is something that ruins lives for many people who don't deserve it at all and I don't know what I'm talking about when I say it so casually "ihihihih one cancer for me please". Nope. The problem is very much more complicated than "dying with a reason" and it shouldn't be treated with such disrespect. I'm sorry!

 

[milknife02]

I've had vivid fantasies of having tuberculosis. Its kind of a coping mechanism. It's paritially because I want a physical manifestation of my mental illness so others can see it as real, so the suffering is obvious. But the other part is that if I'm deathly sick, I wont really have to ctb, I'll just die. I like that. But I wouldn't want to watch my family grieve in front of me.

 

[hadenough58]

How painful is cancer ? I have heard people getting diagnosed at the end stage , meaning there was not enough pain to notify that something is wrong till the end stage was reached.

I have no idea but this is more a fantasy solution to my problems than based in any reality.
The actual outcome of my ctb is liable to be far messier which is almost certainly the reason I have not taken this option as yet but I do find it reassuring that I have it.

 

[Romeo1984]

Please

See my post https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/getting-a-fatal-disease-on-purpose.94439/post-1658749

 

[mr.smileysad]

I used to be scared of the idea of being diagnosed with cancer one day, but since I have depression, it changed. And now I have the proof thatI'm not just talking crazy, but I actually dream about it.
It may seem controversial and disrespectful to others who have cancer and it destroyed their lives but that's what makes me feel like it's fair. I want to die and I cant seem to do it myself, I'm losing hope that I'll ever be fully ready. And cancer is a great excuse to kill myself! I might very much do it in such scenario. No one will blame me. And there are so many innocent people who die from cancer every single day and they want to live!

Recently, I've started the diagnosis process for my eye and yesterday I was on MRI scan of my head. I got the scans and of course it all looks like a pulp and I'm nowhere near doctor lol, but I found some elements that kind of look like they have potential to be a tumor. I discovered later on that it's what I've been waiting for. And when I receive results and it will all be alright, I think I'd be truly disappointed. Keep your fingers crossed guys!!

If you huff a lot of gasoline really hard that will probably give you cancer, or severe brain damage which is about as good...