Hoping for online companionship during my suiciding

[Theanswer]

I will be ctb with SN beginning of next week. The loneliness is increasingly difficult and has me in tears. I'm not doubting my decision to ctb, at all, but the loneliness is horrible. Could folks please join my goodbye thread, offering me support? When I remind myself that being alone pretty much for the past 30 years is one of the reasons I'm suiciding, it helps. Also have a brain tumor and, for the past 30 years, type 1 diabetes. Tried so hard to improve things but nothing works. It's enough. I'm done. Just don't want to be alone in that hotel room prepping, waiting.... Thanks.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sure that many people will be there. Nobody should have to feel alone in their last moments before leaving this world. Best wishes.

 

[Maríasp]

Is the cause the tumor or loneliness? a very strong kiss (I use google translator)

 

[Unworthyoflove]

sending you a hug and being here with you. wishing you will find peace and love where you go .

 

[Theanswer]

Is the cause the tumor or loneliness? a very strong kiss (I use google translator)

All three combined.

 

[CassieHoward]

you won't be alone - no need to worry about that at all. i think i speak for everyone when i say that i hope you find the peace you deserve

 

[Maríasp]

I can't say anything, loneliness can take away the rest I can't imagine putting myself in your place, have you been sick for a long time? I am very kissy jajaja

 

[Theanswer]

you won't be alone - no need to worry about that at all. i think i speak for everyone when i say that i hope you find the peace you deserve

Thank you @CassieHoward. It helps. I've enjoyed your posts and hope you can be there.

 

[rationaltake]

I know how hard it can be when you're all alone. I'll look out for your goodbye thread. I wish you calm.

 

[Theanswer]

I know how hard it can be when you're all alone. I'll look out for your goodbye thread. I wish you calm.

Thanks, @rationaltake

 

[rainwillneverstop]

Just want to remind you of the chat functioning incase the thread becomes, quiet when you need it the most.
You're not alone here, even if it's online.

 

[tilsleepcomes]

If I'm here at the time, I will hang out with you in threads. Cheers, fellow traveler.

 

[anxiety cat]

I will hang with you so you are not alone.

 

[SouthGermany1982]

I'll be with you. You are not alone

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I will be here for you, you will not be alone, we will be here with you wishing you the best ♡

 

[blackwidow]

how are you feeling..

 

[l0sing]

I will be here for you Please feel free to send a message whoever you need

 

[Theanswer]

Thanks. Delayed. Hotel just called to let me know that the suite won't be available until tomorrow. They mentioned something like this when I booked the room but said it was extremely unlikely. Still going to check in for another room there today because I'm all packed and uber is called. That suite is perfect so going to wait until Tuesday because tonight I'm going to drink some beer and need my stomach to be calm. Plus I need to set up a lot before my suiciding day, anyway. 100% certain I will ctb but now it will be Tuesday.

 

[CassieHoward]

Thanks. Delayed. Hotel just called to let me know that the suite won't be available until tomorrow. They mentioned something like this when I booked the room but said it was extremely unlikely. Still going to check in for another room there today because I'm all packed and uber is called. That suite is perfect so going to wait until Tuesday because tonight I'm going to drink some beer and need my stomach to be calm. Plus I need to set up a lot before my suiciding day, anyway. 100% certain I will ctb but now it will be Tuesday.

if nothing else, it'll be nice to give things one last think-through.

i'll be there for you on tuesday!

 

[blackwidow]

sometimes these things happen for a reason.. we all know how totally final your decision is.. have a beer, relax.. and think.

 

[Passersby]

Hi, sorry to hear of your situation. I'll be here for you too. What time range Tuesday? I hope you can enjoy your hotel suite some before it's over.

 

[Theanswer]

if nothing else, it'll be nice to give things one last think-through.

i'll be there for you on tuesday!

Terrific, thanks for being here for me on Tuesday! Jesus, no kidding on one last review. I DID end up getting into the suite. Just arrived and it is perfect and very nice, not 5 star, but sweet. NO SOUND! Yesterday, I ordered a gorgeous huge bouquet of flowers to be delivered before I got here. When I entered the suite, there they were. It's been so long since I received flowers so I splurged and spent $150. Gorgeous, relaxed and comforted me, and I smiled. Now to unpacking and finalizing things. You're spot on @CassieHoward. I wasn't technically, organizationally ready to do this tomorrow. I did need a full day in this suite before ctb. Plus, realized this morning that, given I have type 1 diabetes, what am I going to do if my glucose goes low during fasting. (already know how to reduce dosage, no questions there). Scrambled and gratefully had two unfilled prescriptions for a glucagon emergency horse-size shot. Not so easy and so many things to think about. BUT, I'm set. Going to listen to some music, unpack, get my scales and beakers in place, last instructions, prepaid cremations documents in place, scope out the noise level tomorrow night between 6:00 and 8:00 pm.... I am so happy I have the money for this. Wasn't going to be enough to live on when I couldn't work anymore so what better way to spend.

Hi, sorry to hear of your situation. I'll be here for you too. What time range Tuesday? I hope you can enjoy your hotel suite some before it's over.

No need to be sorry. I'm doing pretty, very well. Everything worked out perfectly. And I've been really busting it with planning 24/7 past 4 weeks so need a day's break so I can ctb in peace. Tuesday probably sometime between 6 and 7 pm. Will know more tomorrow once I scope out the environment. I am so happy to have this place to die in. Wish some of you were holding my hand but I'll imagine it.

 

[NotGoodEnough]

We're all here for you. We hope you find peace, brother. Do not feel ashamed or guilty no matter what you do, whether you go through with it or not.

You're not alone. Reach out whenever you need!

 

[Theanswer]

sometimes these things happen for a reason.. we all know how totally final your decision is.. have a beer, relax.. and think.

Yep, relax and enjoy. My thinking is all exhausted. All set with that. : )

We're all here for you. We hope you find peace, brother. Do not feel ashamed or guilty no matter what you do, whether you go through with it or not.

You're not alone. Reach out whenever you need!

Thanks. I am female. Please no concerns or encouragement that there is no shame in backing out or doing suiciding. (1) I have absolutely no shame in suiciding, I don't understand why on earth I would. (2) I am not backing out. (3) I would have no shame WHATSOEVER if I changed my mind, why would I. (4) Not helpful these sorts of are you certain, no harm in delaying.... But I am soooo looking forwarding to exiting. The GPS shows the bus arriving on Tuesday. : )

 

[blackwidow]

(4) Not helpful these sorts of are you certain, no harm in delaying....

have a banging time and knock yourself out kid better oh.. also.. I can't find the post you put up earlier today.. it's gone.. odd..

 

[NotGoodEnough]

Yep, relax and enjoy. My thinking is all exhausted. All set with that. : )

Thanks. I am female. Please no concerns or encouragement that there is no shame in backing out or doing suiciding. (1) I have absolutely no shame in suiciding, I don't understand why on earth I would. (2) I am not backing out. (3) I would have no shame WHATSOEVER if I changed my mind, why would I. (4) Not helpful these sorts of are you certain, no harm in delaying.... But I am soooo looking forwarding to exiting. The GPS shows the bus arriving on Tuesday. : )

I apologize for calling you "brother" without knowing. You might not feel ashamed or guilty, but please try to understand that there are many people who feel that way both when it comes to committing suicide and when it comes to backing out. I hope you can find your peace.

 

[Theanswer]

have a banging time and knock yourself out kid better oh.. also.. I can't find the post you put up earlier today.. it's gone.. odd..

I am! Totally relaxing, unpacked finally, know what I need to do tomorrow. Just effing doing nothing re planning for once. Jesus, attention to detail is an understatement for me. Waiting for delish pizza delivery. Tomorrow, last meal will be salmon, lobster. Okay, then, now off to chill, watch a film and eat pizza. Any suggestions for a drama movie, true story? Not into sci fi, anime. : ) I have literally watched all of the rational suicide, assisted death videos, I believe.

I apologize for calling you "brother" without knowing. You might not feel ashamed or guilty, but please try to understand that there are many people who feel that way both when it comes to committing suicide and when it comes to backing out. I hope you can find your peace.

Yep, so perhaps you should start a thread on that?

 

[milkginger]

Hello. Are u there? You're not alone

 

[Deleted member 31858]

I am glad to know that everything is going as planned and I hope you are having a good day today. You can hear everything really well, food, place, drinks, flowers, everything. You deserve to have this relaxation time just as you deserve to have peace.

 

[Theanswer]

Feeling pretty good. Stayed up really, really late and woke up really, really late. Having some coffee. Have to do a quick errand and planning remaining details for tomorrow like practicing measuring, setting regimen reminders for tomorrow, etc. I've tested all of my supporting meds but still unsure about the amount of propranolol. Tested 40 mg but could probably use more.

Thanks for being here.