pinkbluebutch
Member
- Dec 5, 2022
- 48
Feel free to ignore this is just a rant.
Dear god being at home makes things so much worse. I want it to be over I can't take much more. I really don't think I'm suited to keep on living. I'm so damn unhappy all of the time and it really does feel like no one in my family needs me all that much. I feel like I insert myself unnecessarily all the time and make the conversations worse and more awkward. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've tried to start therapy but I'm so scared to start any medication or visit a psychiatrist because that would mean telling my family what's wrong. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I don't deserve to be alive. I feel like everyone else knows what they're doing except for me. I don't know what to do. I want to CTB but I don't know how and I would be HUMILIATED to fail right before Christmas. God, it would seem so attention-seeking if I attempted and either failed or succeeded right before Christmas especially because I have a cousin's wedding coming up on New Year. I just want things to be over already but I don't have my method prepared because I don't have the SN and have had so much trouble finding change. No matter how I get medicated things will never get better. I will always be miserable it's just how my brain was made and it's so unfair I have to live this way.g it online to order to the US. I'm sure I'm just a fucking idiot and that's the issue but I need to CTB I am so desperate for an escape I want to die so bad because this will never ever get better. I will always be miserable. I wasn't meant to be happy.
Dear god being at home makes things so much worse. I want it to be over I can't take much more. I really don't think I'm suited to keep on living. I'm so damn unhappy all of the time and it really does feel like no one in my family needs me all that much. I feel like I insert myself unnecessarily all the time and make the conversations worse and more awkward. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've tried to start therapy but I'm so scared to start any medication or visit a psychiatrist because that would mean telling my family what's wrong. I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I don't deserve to be alive. I feel like everyone else knows what they're doing except for me. I don't know what to do. I want to CTB but I don't know how and I would be HUMILIATED to fail right before Christmas. God, it would seem so attention-seeking if I attempted and either failed or succeeded right before Christmas especially because I have a cousin's wedding coming up on New Year. I just want things to be over already but I don't have my method prepared because I don't have the SN and have had so much trouble finding change. No matter how I get medicated things will never get better. I will always be miserable it's just how my brain was made and it's so unfair I have to live this way.g it online to order to the US. I'm sure I'm just a fucking idiot and that's the issue but I need to CTB I am so desperate for an escape I want to die so bad because this will never ever get better. I will always be miserable. I wasn't meant to be happy.
