Holidays & Depression

[violetsaturn]

Is it just me or do holidays make everything worse? Some of my friends who struggle with depression love when this season comes around because it makes them feel better. I am the complete opposite. It probably mostly has to do with my natural aversion to family, but there is something about the smells and atmosphere that just really sicken me. Especially Christmas. The smells, decorations, and social media posts make me feel inexplicably forlorn. I know the weather often affects people emotionally as well, but I actually prefer cold and gloomy weather.

 

[Nimbus]

It is definitely worse for me this year though perhaps for different reasons. I hope it will be my last holiday and that brings about lots of emotion on its own, but what I'm really struggling with is not wanting my family to see how much pain I'm in and how much I've deteriorated. We've been apart for months because of covid and I don't want to see the sadness and worry on their faces when they look at me. I don't know how to manage that. In the past, I've been able to keep it together, despite the pain and depression. I've always kept it locked up inside and maintained an attractive appearance. Not so much this year. It gets harder as you get older and it shows.

 

[violetsaturn]

It is definitely worse for me this year though perhaps for different reasons. I hope it will be my last holiday and that brings about lots of emotion on its own, but what I'm really struggling with is not wanting my family to see how much pain I'm in and how much I've deteriorated. We've been apart for months because of covid and I don't want to see the sadness and worry on their faces when they look at me. I don't know how to manage that. In the past, I've been able to keep it together, despite the pain and depression. I've always kept it locked up inside and maintained an attractive appearance. Not so much this year. It gets harder as you get older and it shows.

I completely understand that. It's hard in general to fake happiness and wellness, but this year is definitely going to make that even harder. I am sending you my love and support.