Venting Hit with a huge wave of hopelessness

[hoppybunny]

I hate days like this. When I'm just hit with despair. I feel nothing will ever improve. It akways happens after i feel like things may get better then when there's no visible improvements i just lose hope again.

And i just have this loud voice in my head telling me nothing will improve and i should just die.

Bur i know I won't kill muself. So I just get stuck with the urge to buy a gun and shoot myself.

It's the only thing I can think about. It's not like what i want is anything huge. I just want a job that will let me live alone without destroying my body but apparently to everyone i say this too, i am asking for too much.

I just have to constantly compromise on everything. Suffer with my parents or get into a huge fight with them and move out without a "proper" job and live with strangers while destroying my body in a terrible job or join the military and hurt people while being verbally abused by superiors or just die. Those are my only options.

I wish I knew for sure there was no afterlife so i can end this already oh my God.

I hate how I'm feeling right now. I hate being angry and sad and depressed and just tired. I'm so exhausted everyday and i don't even do anything.


Why is life like this.

I feel humiliated even typing this out.

 

[timf]

I feel humiliated even typing this out.

Pride can be an expensive indulgence. It can create expectations that lead to frustrations. It can shut the door on gratitude that would build better relationships. Pride can be deceptive and we can make decisions that are not based on reality.

If you were wounded on a battlefield, would you feel humiliated asking a medic for help?

 

[hoppybunny]

I feel humiliated even typing this out.

Pride can be an expensive indulgence. It can create expectations that lead to frustrations. It can shut the door on gratitude that would build better relationships. Pride can be deceptive and we can make decisions that are not based on reality.

If you were wounded on a battlefield, would you feel humiliated asking a medic for help?

I probably would. I don't even go to hospitals if i can avoid it. I just hate asking for help.

I struggle with pridr and envy the most.