Hi guys please give me any tips on how i can stop regretting past mistakes or at least lesson my rumination over them?

[HermitLonerGuy]

I was a total dumbass in life , didnt work hard enough , didnt take opportunities that presented themselves , didnt grab onto people i should have , didnt take good money opportunities and school / college stuff, took life for granted.

i deeply regret my dumbass lazy weak minded emotional life.

how can i stop the regrets and move on?

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm sorry this is bothering you so much. Ruminating about the past regrets is the worst.
This is a basic advice, but I think the best thing you can do is just to focus on doing the best with what you have now. Imagine that you started to play a videogame character and their story begins today, at this point. You cannot change the characters backstory, you need to do the best you can with what is given to you. Or at least do something with it.
There is no way of knowing how life would play out if you made different decisions. Sometimes I'd like to see a simulation of what would happen if I took a totally different turn in life too, but unfortunately there is no technology that let's us do it. There is no guarantee that if you'd make all the seemingly "right" decisions, you would really be better off at this point in your life. For all you know, opportunities you never took might've never work out for you anyway.

We feel regret because our brains are evolved to learn from experience and not shove our hand into the fire again if we already know it burns. The purpose of regret is to make some conclusions. Ask yourself - is there anything you can learn from your regret? If yes, then you should probably do your best to do things differently this time - take opportunities, work hard, pay attention to people around you and look for the ones to connect with, etc. If it is about a particular random chance you didn't take that is not going to present itself again, then it is counterproductive regret, and then see paragraph above - there is no way of knowing that things will really work out better if you took that chance, for all we know it could've been worse.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

I'm sorry this is bothering you so much. Ruminating about the past regrets is the worst.
This is a basic advice, but I think the best thing you can do is just to focus on doing the best with what you have now. Imagine that you started to play a videogame character and their story begins today, at this point. You cannot change the characters backstory, you need to do the best you can with what is given to you. Or at least do something with it.
There is no way of knowing how life would play out if you made different decisions. Sometimes I'd like to see a simulation of what would happen if I took a totally different turn in life too, but unfortunately there is no technology that let's us do it. There is no guarantee that if you'd make all the seemingly "right" decisions, you would really be better off at this point in your life. For all you know, opportunities you never took might've never work out for you anyway.

We feel regret because our brains are evolved to learn from experience and not shove our hand into the fire again if we already know it burns. The purpose of regret is to make some conclusions. Ask yourself - is there anything you can learn from your regret? If yes, then you should probably do your best to do things differently this time - take opportunities, work hard, pay attention to people around you and look for the ones to connect with, etc. If it is about a particular random chance you didn't take that is not going to present itself again, then it is counterproductive regret, and then see paragraph above - there is no way of knowing that things will really work out better if you took that chance, for all we know it could've been worse.

thanks for your kind reply it is helpful to me.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I suggest learning mindfulness.

it brings us back to the present.

there's a good number of monks who teach it for free on Youtube.

 

[HermitLonerGuy]

I suggest learning mindfulness.

it brings us back to the present.

there are a good number of monks who teach it for free on Youtube.




View attachment 100191

thank you.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Rumination is in large part an offshoot of generalized anxiety. It's no coincidence that there's a lot of overlap in symptoms between many of the more common mental health conditions. I learned this the hard way during an 8 week bout of pure O hell back in '15.

So I would say try to treat your anxiety at the root and throw everything you can at it to feel better. Meds, GABA, CBD, exercise, outdoor stuff, mindfulness, whatever helps. You should find once you're in a less anxious mindframe in general that your rumination will ease off at least somewhat.

 

[Ethereal Knight]

moving away from my abusive father also worked a lot for me.

I even blocked all his numbers and never talked to him, texted him or looked at him again. this is called "No Contact".

it doesn't seem related, but it is. 'cause it's way harder to heal while living in a toxic environment.

even my sleep got better after I moved away from my abuser's house.

I don't know if that's your case or not, but I'm just brainstorming and telling you my experience.

I don't recommend having any type of contact with toxic people, not even phone calls.