Venting Hesitation when really considering ctb?

[Bodydysmorphia]

I wanna kill myself but can't get myself to go through with it. I don't know why there is something holding me back. I hate myself and my life and want to finally feel some peace but I don't have the guts to do it. Someone please help? How can I eliminate this feeling that is holding me back?

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

I wanna kill myself but can't get myself to go through with it. I don't know why there is something holding me back. I hate myself and my life and want to finally feel some peace but I don't have the guts to do it. Someone please help? How can I eliminate this feeling that is holding me back?

I'm having the same problem. What's the thing you're most afraid about?

(By the way, I also want to ctb because of my body dysmorphic disorder.)

 

[Bodydysmorphia]

I'm having the same problem. What's the thing you're most afraid about?

(By the way, I also want to ctb because of my body dysmorphic disorder.)

Making someone feel guilty for my suicide (like my family, friends...)

 

[befree]

"there is something holding me back" It´s the survival instinct and the fear in your subconscious mind.

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

Making someone feel guilty for my suicide (like my family, friends...)

But that can more or less be solved by a note/letter in which you write that it's absolutely not their fault.

 

[Bodydysmorphia]

But that can more or less be solved by a note/letter in which you write that it's absolutely not their fault.

I'm 100% sure they would still feel guilty at least that's what my mother said when I told her I wanted to ctb

 

[Klophy]

For me it's fear. Fear of what comes afterwards, how it will affect my family, what happens if i survive, what if i miss out on some miracle happening.

Constant what ifs and so on. I want to be free of my mind, but it's not letting me go.

Also wish i knew how to overcome it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like only you know when it is the right time to leave, it is a feeling that you have where you are certain about your decision and you have no more doubts. I think that many people are able to go through with ctb when they get desperate and the pain of living gets unbearable for them, but I think that you cannot really force these feelings. I know that it is such a dreadful feeling wanting to leave, yet feeling as though you are unable to. I really wish that suicide is easier more than anything.

 

[sourokraandfish]

(By the way, I also want to ctb because of my body dysmorphic disorder.)

Same. BDD is one of the reasons I want to kms. I think even if one day I wake up magically cured, I still want to die because living is too tiring and I personally would not care less about having to leave things behind or miss out on anything. All I want is the complete eradication of consciousness that only death can offer.

Making someone feel guilty for my suicide (like my family, friends...)

Same. I will cut contact with all of my friends and make them think that I've moved on before I kms but I can't do much to alleviate the immense amount of pain and guilt that my suicide will have on my parents... The best I can do is to write them a detailed letter that I hope would give them some kind of closure...

 

[The_Flying_Fox]

I still want to die because living is too tiring and I personally would not care less about having to leave things behind or miss out on anything.

I can very much relate to that.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

The act itself is so brutal - even if it's just drinking poison … who wants to hang themselves or jump off a bridge …? Or guzzle Nembutal ? My life now consists of laying on a couch in utter boredom …. Eventually I'll be homeless and need to eradicate myself before then but for now this beats murdering myself…

 

[jupiterwinds]

For me it's fear of pain and messing it up and being even worse off/more disabled than I already am. Ending up in a psych hospital. There's also a small part of me that still enjoys things and would miss certain things. I don't actually want to be dead. I just can't take the physical and emotional pain anymore and eventually that will outweigh these other things and the fears, I think.