Help with overcoming survival instinct?

[fallingasl33p]

My last attempt was to od and was overcome by my survival instinct to an insane degree I had like an earth-shattering panic attack, confessed to everything and then was still in high scale panic and intense nausea for days. Now I'm planning a jump but I just know the SI is gonna go even crazier for that method. I've made a recon trip to the area just to see how I felt and I wasn't afraid being close to the edge or having any vertigo/panic but maybe that's just because I knew deep down in my subconscious I (probably) wasn't going to do it that day. I know the obvious answer is alcohol/benzos but I'd taken just the benzos prior to my last attempt and even that wasn't enough to ward off the primal fear that ensued lmao. Also need to make sure I'm coherent enough to make it clear off the edge or alternatively to make a run for it back to my car if someone tries to stop me or call someone on me I don't know. Is there some kind of drug that's gonna just make me totally fearless instead? That's if I even have time to get hold of somethihg that's street level because I'm kind of on a schedule right now and circumstances are forcing me to do this sooner rather than later

 

[fly]

Hi,
yes there are. Its sad to hear how you are feeling, the way something is making you suffer. If listened couple minutes ago to an podcast which told stories about people wo killed themselfes. They described everything. One woman in that episode used alcohol to be able to jump down (she overcame her SI) the tower, she always told she would do. And she succeeded. She took an and to her pain, but aswell to her life and all possible good feelings.
If you manna talk about something, about ya feelings or anything; please be sure that its okay to write.

Wish you peace and an awesome life.