Help help access this situation

[annoyed]

a guy i fell out with sometime earlier this year (around july) recently interacted with my social media and this caused my anxiety to shoot through the roof. we fell out because i expressed my feelings towards him and he told me he wasn't emotionally available due to a situation with his previous relationship, where he was being mistreated (and quite frankly, harmed.) after he explained the entire thing, i told him that i dropped it and just honestly wanted to remain as friends, which he agreed and we settled on.

this was until he blocked my number randomly, soft blocked on most platforms, and i just completely lost contact with him. after this, i was obviously hurt but i decided to take time to myself to let it go completely, that was until my friend told me that he immediately got into a relationship 2 weeks after the incident, with her name in his bio to confirm, so this left me even more upset than before.

so now, after this long, we're here. after i saw him like and repost my post, i checked his instagram to see that his girlfriend was no longer in his bio and he was privated. now i had a small feeling that maybe he actually wanted to come back, and felt sorry for what he had done, but after seeing the bio change it feels like maybe he's trying to use me as a backup, which makes me feel kinda bad but i don't want to assume that this is his intention, im just not sure what to think.

when i post, he likes it, and doesn't even follow me, so these posts aren't coming to his fyp, he's literally looking me up to check on my activity. hell, ive even been occasionally checking his page now to see how long this goes on for and he's posting things in hopes i see them and i can tell, he makes posts and deletes them, he even subposts @ me saying that he's sorry for bothering me again, yet im so confused as to why he won't just message me these things and why he continuously posts trying to get me to respond.

but part of me.. wants to initiate the conversation? i ask my friends that know the situation to a T and they tell me to block him and leave him alone. i do miss him and his company but not sure if it's worth it if he's just bored and wanting to use me, but then again like i said im not sure if that's his intention. i don't know what to think or say if he's not messaging me.

what do i do?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I guess you have to weigh it up. He's done things in the past that have shown him to be unreliable. He also clearly has the influence still to upset you. I suppose you have to work out whether it's worth the risk of exposing yourself to all that again.

I guess it could go a few ways. He could be a reformed person. Having lived through the experience he did, he may be much more grateful for your friendship and really appreaciate who you are.

He may alternatively, still be flakey and, the whole experience may repeat. In which case- either you can decide that you can't face the risk of going through that again. Or, you take that risk or- you try a compromise I suppose. You let him back in your life but try not to fall head over heels again. Try to remind yourself that he isn't necessarily reliable. Maybe it's whether you can accept him as a 'fair weather friend' without depending on him.

He may be trying to use you. I suppose to some extent, all friendships are like that- we want something from someone. Maybe the question is- can you figure out what he wants? Plus- what do you want from him? Will you likely get it? If it's only friendship- can you be happy with that alone? Is he worth trusting for that or anything more?

I had a limerent cush on an employer once. He got a girlfriend who he later married. I had this idea I could still work for him but- I think I was delluding myself! I expect I would have been in tears every night. I think you need to really think about the affect this person has on you. If you can't control it and if they are unreliable- it's not a good combination really.

 

[annoyed]

I guess you have to weigh it up. He's done things in the past that have shown him to be unreliable. He also clearly has the influence still to upset you. I suppose you have to work out whether it's worth the risk of exposing yourself to all that again.

I guess it could go a few ways. He could be a reformed person. Having lived through the experience he did, he may be much more grateful for your friendship and really appreaciate who you are.

He may alternatively, still be flakey and, the whole experience may repeat. In which case- either you can decide that you can't face the risk of going through that again. Or, you take that risk or- you try a compromise I suppose. You let him back in your life but try not to fall head over heels again. Try to remind yourself that he isn't necessarily reliable. Maybe it's whether you can accept him as a 'fair weather friend' without depending on him.

He may be trying to use you. I suppose to some extent, all friendships are like that- we want something from someone. Maybe the question is- can you figure out what he wants? Plus- what do you want from him? Will you likely get it? If it's only friendship- can you be happy with that alone? Is he worth trusting for that or anything more?

I had a limerent cush on an employer once. He got a girlfriend who he later married. I had this idea I could still work for him but- I think I was delluding myself! I expect I would have been in tears every night. I think you need to really think about the affect this person has on you. If you can't control it and if they are unreliable- it's not a good combination really.

i know it's a bit late to response, but thank you so much for your advice. he's not in my life anymore sadly (or thankfully, i really don't know) and hasn't been for about 3 months now. just trying to get over him but it's hard for some reason. i don't want to blame my mental health for not being able to move past it but it fucked me up pretty terribly. i'm just trying to be patient with myself. thank you for being human and thank you for being alive you helped me through something very difficult and important to me.