Heaviness

[plough22]

I don't know about any of you, I hate the heaviness of my head in the morning, the darkness and the forever torment. Someone else caused my f..king nightmare to begin, "tell a lie, tell a big enough lie and they will start to believe it". I have my method, it's on my mind so someday I don't need to go through these daily morning wake ups.

Getting up to look and feel fine cause that what people want to see. They don't want to hear you want to self harm, they don't want to hear you're in emotional overload, how does a person handle such when one never experienced such feelings and emotions. Hoping the final time when I take that rope, that bloody rope, tie off on my allocated sight and swing away, yes there will be fear and pain but then the darkness will come and then PEACE.

what we all look for, what we lost was been happy, having been someone before but you can never get back, you're never the same. Having a real and productive life.

SI keeps me, maybe family/friends too but I know that I will take my life. It's just when, when will I get that powering feeling to finally end this pain and suffering, instead of this shit daily morning heaviness.

I wish you all some good wishes, I hope it'll get better for you, maybe it won't and maybe there's only one way. It's getting the strength and those who do are strong. They overcome SI and CTB.

 

[siray]

You are right, the heaviness and torment into which I wake up every morning alone justifies CTB, only those can understand who suffer from suicidal thoughts 24/7, can't forget that my life is extremely sorrowful, how can the world then expect me to find peace in living? Death is the ideal state for me to be in.

Don't think much about the SI, if someday you find yourself physically and mentally exhausted, like a worthless flesh wandering through utter loneliness, you won't find it difficult to CTB that day, or the next day. Suicide is the most horrible act against the life impulse, that's what the world believes, but for me I'll be doing myself the greatest favour, the cessation of extremely torturous existence that I've lived, can't fucking bear it anymore, it will be mercy killing in my case.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it is always an unpleasant feeling to wake up. I experience feelings of dread and hopelessness. Our own thoughts can torture us. The thing that I want is to fall into an eternal sleep and no longer exist. I understand the SI is hard to overcome as we are programmed to survive, personally I wish it was easier to let go of life. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[AtMostOkay]

I wake up angry and sad every morning. Sometimes it passes in seconds, and sometimes not for hours. Peace to you xoxo