Help He Gave Me a Gun. I Don’t Know What to Do With It.

[phantomisgone]

Hey everyone,

In five days, it'll mark three years since my suicide attempt (there's more about it in my post history).

A lot has changed since then. I graduated college, got a job, and started piecing together the kind of life I thought I wanted. But honestly, I'm still not where I want to be. I'm juggling debt, bills, and the quiet ache of wanting things I can't afford yet. I don't have many friends—or really, people I talk to often. Most days, I keep to myself. The isolation feels safe, but it can also feel like living in a glass box—seeing life move around me without really being part of it.

The one constant through all of this has been a friend from high school. He's stuck by me through everything, even when I hit rock bottom. We hang out a lot—movies, dinners, random long phone calls. He's a good guy. After leaving the military, he got really into guns and has tried for years to get me into the hobby. I never really understood it until he finally convinced me to go to a shooting range. It was… surprisingly fun. Focusing, aiming, feeling that small sense of control.

A few days ago, he surprised me with a gift—a Glock 45. He was genuinely excited, said he wanted me to have a way to protect myself and share something he loves. We went to the range, practiced, learned safety and form. It was a good day. But after sitting with it for a while… I don't feel safe having it.

It's under my dresser now. Waiting there. The same way that jar of SN once waited for me years ago. Back then, having it nearby made me feel "safe," like I had control over my exit if I ever wanted it. And now, I feel like I've come full circle. Another "exit ticket" just sitting there—this time disguised as a gift.

And that's what scares me most. I could never do that to him. He's the one person who's been there for me. How could I use something he gave me—something meant to protect me—as the thing that ends me? I couldn't let him carry that kind of guilt.

But now it's just there, lingering. I can't bring myself to tell him I don't feel safe with it, because I don't want to worry him. I don't know what to do. I just… need some advice.

 

[fromange]

Sounds like a great friend. It sucks that there's a dark side to it he's not aware of. If you don't want to have it, you should ask him to hold on to it. I know it's a hard thing to say but that's what I would personally do. You can still go out with him and use it, when you're feeling safe. I guess an in between solution is to have someone else hold on to it for you or you get rid of it by selling it. Then he won't know but I know that also won't sit right lying/hiding from him. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[spero_meliora]

feels extremely inconsiderate of someone to give you the gift of a gun if they knew you had previously attempted suicide recently-ish...if he doesn't have any idea, then it's a sweet gift under the guise of wanting to protect you.

assuming you live in the states, and this would vary state by state, but you could resell it. you could also try to be discrete and find out where he bought it from, and bring it back and explain the situation. stores may let you do a gift return. maybe even a pawn shop near you?

just floating some solutions/ideas from a person who isn't from a country that allows just anyone to buy a gun

 

[At The Bus Stop]

As fromange said, I would just tell him your landlord/family/whoever, doesn't want guns on the property and if he could look after it.

Are you still considering CTB? If not, what's the worry? If so, could this be drastically be flipped around and that he somehow knew, and wanted to give you a way that was more certain?

 

[itswhatits]

This is a tricky situation to be in, but I think your instincts are correct, and you should let him keep the gun. The hardest part is going to be explaining it to him. I would phrase it something like this: Hey, I really appreciate that gun you bought me, but could you hold onto it for me? I'm doing better now, but I've had issues with mental health in the past, and if things ever get bad in the future, I don't think I should have a gun under my dresser.

Keeping it at your place is definitely a bad idea. You didn't sign up to Sanctioned Suicide to fuck spiders; you've attempted suicide before, and you're on better footing now, but life can be unpredictable.

Judging from the post, he sounds like he'd understand. And I really would phrase it as *him* storing *your* gun for you. No offense to spero, but I don't think returning it or selling it to a pawn shop is a good idea. It could come off as you rejecting his gift, which can be insulting. You don't want to go out shooting with him, only for him to go, "Hey, you should bring along that Glock I got you" and you have to explain that you got rid of it.

 

[-Link-]

In the hypothetical scenario where in the future you'd use it on yourself, in doing so, you would be exposing your friend to an extraordinary level of grief and guilt that few people could ever imagine. It could also leave him prone to legal consequences depending on the firearm's status, licensing, and local laws.

If you couple this along with your own feeling unsafe with it, I think you'd do well to part ways with it by any means necessary.

My immediate reaction is the direct route: Tell him that due to a history of mental health issues, you feel unsafe with it in your home and that you need him to either take it back, or keep it in his own home. You don't need to go into detail about your mental health history; you could just tell him you're open to sharing more about it and leave it up to him as to whether you have that discussion. (Is it fair to assume that someone who served in the military would likely be at least somewhat in tune with mental and emotional safety concerning the presence of a firearm in the home? I don't know, but it sounds like it could be a thing.)

 

[spero_meliora]

No offense to spero, but I don't think returning it or selling it to a pawn shop is a good idea. It could come off as you rejecting his gift, which can be insulting. You don't want to go out shooting with him, only for him to go, "Hey, you should bring along that Glock I got you" and you have to explain that you got rid of it.

no offence taken, I'm not from a place that has guns, was just trying to offer some ideas didn't think about it that way, actually.

 

[L9my]

i don't know much about guns, so these are my first unthought about thoughts

1. remove all bullets and make a promise to yourself call the friend if you ever go to buy any
2. encase the gun in epoxy resin (not sure)
3. give the gun back to the friend (replace with a bb or a replica?)