Having Suicidal Thoughts Again After 3rd Disability Denial

[Chronic]

I haven't worked in over a decade and have CRPS. I worked as long as I could and really enjoyed my job but my health couldn't handle it and I was missing 50 percent of my work hours after getting surgery (gov says I was 85 percent functional even though I couldn't do much work). Rather than face the inevitable and get fired and lose my home my spouse took a job in another state and we sold our home and lost a ton of money in the housing crisis. Anyway, I used to get suicidal a lot during our relationship and it all probably goes back to my health issues and inadequate healthcare over my lifetime and it was hard on our relationship and my spouse eventually divorce me during COVID and I purchased all the supplies to end my life and somehow made it through. I take a lot of meds for my pain and get injections into my spine which helps some but the pain persists and has for over 25 years and I am tired of it and I am tired of being a burden on everyone. I applied to disability 4 years ago and was denied for the third time despite thorough documentation to support my condition. My brain and body just don't function like it used to. I cannot sit at a PC and do everything from my smart phone as I have done for over a decade and can only walk a couple blocks. Feels like I am losing my mind and perhaps I am. Sorry to complain and hopefully I will be able to appeal since I found electronic copies of my time cards to dispute the gov's fabricated 85 percent capacity nonsense. Guess we'll see what the lawyer thinks. Anyway, I'll probably get denied and either way I don't know how much longer I take endure this thing called life. Thank you for reading this.

TLDR: Denied by a social security judge and it's causing me to relapse and I am now wondering if I should get some N and make sure I do it right when-if the time comes. I have the supplies for a couple alt methods. ...or maybe I should get some therapy.

 

[A simple aid]

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I haven't worked in over a decade and have CRPS. I worked as long as I could and really enjoyed my job but my health couldn't handle it and I was missing 50 percent of my work hours after getting surgery (gov says I was 85 percent functional even though I couldn't do much work). Rather than face the inevitable and get fired and lose my home my spouse took a job in another state and we sold our home and lost a ton of money in the housing crisis. Anyway, I used to get suicidal a lot during our relationship and it all probably goes back to my health issues and inadequate healthcare over my lifetime and it was hard on our relationship and my spouse eventually divorce me during COVID and I purchased all the supplies to end my life and somehow made it through. I take a lot of meds for my pain and get injections into my spine which helps some but the pain persists and has for over 25 years and I am tired of it and I am tired of being a burden on everyone. I applied to disability 4 years ago and was denied for the third time despite thorough documentation to support my condition. My brain and body just don't function like it used to. I cannot sit at a PC and do everything from my smart phone as I have done for over a decade and can only walk a couple blocks. Feels like I am losing my mind and perhaps I am. Sorry to complain and hopefully I will be able to appeal since I found electronic copies of my time cards to dispute the gov's fabricated 85 percent capacity nonsense. Guess we'll see what the lawyer thinks. Anyway, I'll probably get denied and either way I don't know how much longer I take endure this thing called life. Thank you for reading this.

TLDR: Denied by a social security judge and it's causing me to relapse and I am now wondering if I should get some N and make sure I do it right when-if the time comes. I have the supplies for a couple alt methods. ...or maybe I should get some therapy.

i dont think therapy will do much for you bro....and if your in as much pain as i assume...i wouldnt suggest talking to like minded people...though that might make life seem more bearable....i have a solution for you....only if you are desperate enough....hit me up if you consider it ...or perhaps just want to talk to someone who can understand ....if you do choose to die...then goodluck bro