Venting Having so many pills at home tempts me

[mob]

I accepted a long time ago that I'll never get better. However, I keep going to the psychiatrist and getting antidepressants so I can at least somewhat function until I decide to ctb. (Which, let's be real, will probably be around the end of next year) (None of them have really worked so far)

I used to abuse pills, mainly painkillers, when I was 13 to 17. I'm 21 now and had a few relapses here and there, but I haven't really done it since. However I've hit another slump, another bad episode. And I have a bunch of antidepressants just laying around at home. Nothing too strong, just some Wellbutrin, Venlafaxine, Paroxetine, Escitalopram, and some mood stabilizers. I don't want to throw them away, and it's really tempting to just pop 30 different ones and take a long nap. I figured that I'll just start abusing them again since I don't really care what happens to me. Not to ctb, but to I don't know, feel something? As a form of self-harm I assume. I've been clean for a while but I just really miss it.

I don't know where else to put this. I haven't slept in two days and had four crying sessions while getting ready for work in the morning. Not sure what else to do about it since I'm not ready to ctb yet.

 

[whywere]

Mentioned this a few times on here, but most any type of overdosing is a bad idea.

I have been in hospitals and seen folks die from liver and/or kidney failure and I would NEVER EVER want to go that way. Like liver failure, having one's skin and eyes turn yellow as one's own body is slowly poisoning itself, no thank you. Oh, and the pain, being on a drip iv, nope never.

Even if one is not thinking of the overdose aspect, never say never about one too many pills and off to the ER one goes.

I REALLY gathered from your thread just how kind of a person you are. Sensitive and so thoughtful towards others and I wish all the best to/for you.

If it was me, I would go to either or both a primary care doctor, for the sleep aspect and a psychiatrist for the crying sessions. I have in the past had crying sessions and I found help with both a psychiatrist and also a psychologist.

You are too beautiful and wonderous having the sleep and crying aspects in your life and I hope and wish that you get help and a remedy for both.

Talk therapy really helped me with the crying episodes, yes, I know that everyone is different, just thinking out loud, trying to help, as I want the very best for you always.

Hugs and lots of well wishes with ever so many caring thoughts to/for you.

Walter

 

[NearlyIrrelevantCake]

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[22yearsbroken]

Mentioned this a few times on here, but most any type of overdosing is a bad idea.

I have been in hospitals and seen folks die from liver and/or kidney failure and I would NEVER EVER want to go that way. Like liver failure, having one's skin and eyes turn yellow as one's own body is slowly poisoning itself, no thank you. Oh, and the pain, being on a drip iv, nope never.

Even if one is not thinking of the overdose aspect, never say never about one too many pills and off to the ER one goes.

I REALLY gathered from your thread just how kind of a person you are. Sensitive and so thoughtful towards others and I wish all the best to/for you.

If it was me, I would go to either or both a primary care doctor, for the sleep aspect and a psychiatrist for the crying sessions. I have in the past had crying sessions and I found help with both a psychiatrist and also a psychologist.

You are too beautiful and wonderous having the sleep and crying aspects in your life and I hope and wish that you get help and a remedy for both.

Talk therapy really helped me with the crying episodes, yes, I know that everyone is different, just thinking out loud, trying to help, as I want the very best for you always.

Hugs and lots of well wishes with ever so many caring thoughts to/for you.

Walter

Liver failure is not nice ...i know from a personal view .. my leftobe has completely gone and im surviving with medication the worse part of liver damage is H.E.. its devestaring amd i stuggle with bouts alot... but this was me i couple years ago when they was about to put me on pallative care but i pulled it back..

 

[mob]

Mentioned this a few times on here, but most any type of overdosing is a bad idea.

I have been in hospitals and seen folks die from liver and/or kidney failure and I would NEVER EVER want to go that way. Like liver failure, having one's skin and eyes turn yellow as one's own body is slowly poisoning itself, no thank you. Oh, and the pain, being on a drip iv, nope never.

Even if one is not thinking of the overdose aspect, never say never about one too many pills and off to the ER one goes.

I REALLY gathered from your thread just how kind of a person you are. Sensitive and so thoughtful towards others and I wish all the best to/for you.

If it was me, I would go to either or both a primary care doctor, for the sleep aspect and a psychiatrist for the crying sessions. I have in the past had crying sessions and I found help with both a psychiatrist and also a psychologist.

You are too beautiful and wonderous having the sleep and crying aspects in your life and I hope and wish that you get help and a remedy for both.

Talk therapy really helped me with the crying episodes, yes, I know that everyone is different, just thinking out loud, trying to help, as I want the very best for you always.

Hugs and lots of well wishes with ever so many caring thoughts to/for you.

Walter

Thank you Walter, it means a lot. I think I was just in a very bad headspace at that moment to even think clearly, and very upset. I tend to be impulsive, and just needed to get those thoughts out in a way. I'm well aware of the risks and what it would cause to my body and would never want to go as far as liver and/or kidney failure. I left work early and took a nap and now I feel slightly better and don't feel like impulsively taking pills anymore.

Non-methods that should not be attempted

mod note: this has been added to the suicide resource compilation at the top. This has been made in response to the ever increasing amount of posts made about highly unlikely methods. Please read before posting about one of these methods or feel free to link if someone does post about them...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Not a CTB attempt! I've stated some times before that I'd never try to ctb with pills ever again due to the low chances of it working and the resulting pain. It's just simply a way for me to harm myself when I feel too overwhelmed, and I'd never take any extremely high doses.

Liver failure is not nice ...i know from a personal view .. my leftobe has completely gone and im surviving with medication the worse part of liver damage is H.E.. its devestaring amd i stuggle with bouts alot... but this was me i couple years ago when they was about to put me on pallative care but i pulled it back..View attachment 166790

So sorry to hear. That looks extremely painful. I hope you're doing better with it now… May I ask, what exactly caused the swelling in your stomach? I've never seen anything like that before, if it's okay for me to ask. No need to answer if uncomfortable with it.

 

[22yearsbroken]

The dluid build is called Ascites.. at the time i used to have drains involving a 40cm needle pushed in to the dluid and drained out the drain from the photo was about 11 ltrs the biggest one i had was 14 ltrs.. i weighed about 30kgs while carrying 14kilo of fluid.. as well as oedema in my legs which was more fluid build up..is was all done by my unhealthy realationship i had with alcohol ...and still struggle with..
people think you juat turn yellow ... its not the case the worst part of it all was not in those photos... Hepatic encephalopathy...
The dluid build is called Ascites.. at the time i used to have drains involving a 40cm needle pushed in to the dluid and drained out the drain from the photo was about 11 ltrs the biggest one i had was 14 ltrs.. i weighed about 30kgs while carrying 14kilo of fluid.. as well as oedema in my legs which was more fluid build up..is was all done by my unhealthy realationship i had with alcohol ...and still struggle with..
people think you juat turn yellow ... its not the case the worst part of it all was not in those photos... Hepatic encephalopathy

 

[whywere]

Liver failure is not nice ...i know from a personal view .. my leftobe has completely gone and im surviving with medication the worse part of liver damage is H.E.. its devestaring amd i stuggle with bouts alot... but this was me i couple years ago when they was about to put me on pallative care but i pulled it back..View attachment 166790

All my prayers, thoughts and the fiber of my being goes out to you, as we are ALL in this TOGETHER.

I stand with you always, as we are family here and I will say a prayer for you when I retire this evening.

Huge hugs, well wishes, and the knowledge that we are ALL in this as ONE, always.

Walter