Venting Having a family that actually loves you is both the best and worst thing that has happened to me

[VtubersAreMyLife]

Just a quick vent, no need to read it or comment, I just wanted to post this somewhere to get it off my chest.



If I have to be honest, I might be one of the lucky few ones to have a family that really does care about me. It's a pretty big family, and everyone actually loves me. Like if I decide to stop working for the rest of my life, they would be willing to provide a home and food for me until I die (obviously would never do that because I never ask anything from anyone, I'd rather be homeless and starve to death then burden anyone), and that just makes wanting to ctb so much harder. I don't like being around my family because I feel really guilty for what I'm going to do soon, and it's actually crushing me. This past year I've been slowly acting a little bit of an asshole to make them hate me, barely ever talking to them to make them feel okay with wanting me gone. But it just doesn't work. I know theyll be crushed, but I need to do it. Ive been fighting with my mental illness for so long, and now its to a point where I cant function properly anymore. I still find it crazy anyone could go from happy and successful to downright suicidally depressed. Anyways I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas, because I sadly did.

 

[LossOfWill]

I can imagine its an incredibly frustrating and conflicting feeling.. I think i can relate.

 

[Nelaaaaa]

I can relate. That's one of the reasons as to why I fight against my mental illness. My family has been such a big support in my life that I feel guilty for even thinking of CTB but at the same time I feel tired because I'm fighting for someone else's happiness.

 

[CursedForDisaster]

I can relate. That's one of the reasons as to why I fight against my mental illness. My family has been such a big support in my life that I feel guilty for even thinking of CTB but at the same time I feel tired because I'm fighting for someone else's happiness.

We're all in the same shoes it seems

 

[Deleted member 15256]

Totally understand you... Same with me.
But I can't handle my mental illness anymore. I tried so hard because I know how much they love me...
Just tired now

 

[I screwed up]

Just a quick vent, no need to read it or comment, I just wanted to post this somewhere to get it off my chest.



If I have to be honest, I might be one of the lucky few ones to have a family that really does care about me. It's a pretty big family, and everyone actually loves me. Like if I decide to stop working for the rest of my life, they would be willing to provide a home and food for me until I die (obviously would never do that because I never ask anything from anyone, I'd rather be homeless and starve to death then burden anyone), and that just makes wanting to ctb so much harder. I don't like being around my family because I feel really guilty for what I'm going to do soon, and it's actually crushing me. This past year I've been slowly acting a little bit of an asshole to make them hate me, barely ever talking to them to make them feel okay with wanting me gone.

Exactly my situation brother. Its the worst state to be in.

 

[Shahanshah]

Same thing with me, my whole family loves me too much but my I wanted to die but don't want to hurt them. It's really though situation to handle.

 

[VtubersAreMyLife]

I can see there are people who are dealing with similar situations. It's tough to hurt people you care about, but sometimes there's really nothing you can do about it. No matter how much it hurts, sometimes we just have to choose what's best for us. I still have a lot to think about before I ctb. Thank you guys for your replies.

 

[Housefly]

I'm in therapy for the second time. I failed one attempted and panicked out of another. My parents never knew and if they did I would feel even worse. I want to be better just until they pass away so that I can go and be a good daughter to them.

 

[Tobacco]

I'm in the same situation. I feel like a slave to the well being of others.

If they hated me I'd be living on the streets right now begging for food and trying to find enlightment.