Have any of you "struggled" with suicidal thoughts?

[CoolGuy9]

What I mean is that I usually see people try to avoid their suicidal thoughts and to me that always seemed weird, since for me the idea that I can leave makes me feel relieved. They aren't a problem, they are the less happy solution to my depression. I have also seen a lot of similar thinking in this website and I find it odd that the attitude towards suicidal thoughts on this website seem so different compared to suicidal people not on this website.
I have a feeling that most votes will go on the first option.

 

[ClownMe]

I used to see my suicidal thoughts as a big problem but in the last year or so im seeing it as the only solution because my life only ends up getting worse and worse.

 

[narval]

For me, CBT thoughts always was a solution. I never realized until now that some people could have troubles with those thoughts

 

[Callie Arcale]

Death is the only solution to this disease called life. I do not struggle with my suicidal thoughts. I only struggle with the fact that I don't have access to painless methods.

 

[Soulless Angel]

I found suicidal thoughts almost something to be ashamed of, thoughts that should never be spoken of, its only after my break down I thought fuck it, why should I be ashamed of my feelings and thoughts, people aren't of their *normal* ones so why should I be of my so called non normal ones?!

 

[FuneralCry]

For me, the problem is life itself. That is what I struggle with. My suicide thoughts are perfectly rational in this prison like existence. I have been suicidal for a long time and these thoughts are part of me. I simply do not like living and non existence is what I want, so to me these thoughts are a solution. Thinking of suicide can be a comfort to me, as it is the one escape.

 

[netrezven]

Outside reality triggered episode yesterday. And it's more like I'm in the only prison I can't escape. Imagined and planed it in my head for too many times, but there is no way out. Cause of the consequences for others.

 

[Seiba]

I'm aware of what you mean, suicidal thoughts for many seem to be this implicit struggle in of themselves. When I was in my teenage years it provided me emotional pain despite seeing it as a solution. It does add to a small sense of alienation in regard to treatment, it seems to me that many seem to desire to live despite their 'suicidality' which leads to a lack of coherence to treatment.

 

[one.way.out]

I hope my depression gets worse and doesn't go away, I want to kill myself. Problem is I still have hope. There's a little voice in my head that tells me not to do it, that things will get better, but when I rationally think about it... it probably won't. When I say probably, I mean the chance of all the things that would be necessary to stop me from being suicidal happening, is so slim, I think it's not worth the effort.

 

[DunnoWhyButYeah]

The possibility of suicide has always been a "safety net" for me. I can always get out of here if I can't take it any longer, it calms me down.