Handicapped

[Sslsh]

Every time I visit social settings like weddings, I feel utter uselessness. Looking at all these people socialising, being happy and then I look at myself, a loser squirming in a corner, fiddling with my phone, struggling to walk without having anxiety attacks. It's better to die than to live life like a mental paraplegic.

 

[Symbiote]

We're all NPCs trying and failing to be a main character in different scenarios. My voice is tiny and largely ignored, I don't matter in the grand scheme of things, and mostly expendable if one has to leave a person out.

 

[Sslsh]

We're all NPCs trying and failing to be a main character in different scenarios. My voice is tiny and largely ignored, I don't matter in the grand scheme of things, and mostly expendable if one has to leave a person out.

Well that's true. We don't matter.

 

[LenkaX]

And nobody give a shit about us.

 

[Symbiote]

We don't matter, and I personally don't have the energy to make myself matter by trying to step over people all the time. Just not my nature.

 

[Sslsh]

We don't matter, and I personally don't have the energy to make myself matter by trying to step over people all the time. Just not my nature.

The world is designed to reward people who step over others. And those of us who don't, are "pushovers".

 

[BottomlessPit]

I know that uselessness you are talking about. I am too inhibited to hold conversations, so I just kind of sit there awkwardly and don't talk to anyone while being painfully aware of the weirdness of my behavior. I feel hopeless when I realize that so many weddings, birthdays, Christmases etc. still await me. I have a huge family, so there are a lot of opportunities for social occasions, and they are almost always a cause for anguish and stress for me. It's just so draining and exhausting.

 

[Sslsh]

I know that uselessness you are talking about. I am too inhibited to hold conversations, so I just kind of sit there awkwardly and don't talk to anyone while being painfully aware of the weirdness of my behavior. I feel hopeless when I realize that so many weddings, birthdays, Christmases etc. still await me. I have a huge family, so there are a lot of opportunities for social occasions, and they are almost always a cause for anguish and stress for me. It's just so draining and exhausting.

Do you ever think about how things could have been different had you not had social anxiety, like how you would have gone ahead and joined the conversion you are looking at, or how you would have approached that one person you thought was interesting and initiated a conversation?

 

[BottomlessPit]

Do you ever think about how things could have been different had you not had social anxiety, like how you would have gone ahead and joined the conversion you are looking at, or how you would have approached that one person you thought was interesting and initiated a conversation?

Very rarely. I don't tend to think in what-ifs, at least not in those particular situations. But on some occasions I wondered how my life would have played out without SA. Maybe my whole life situation and worldview would be different. So much would've been different that this alternative version of me couldn't really be considered 'me' since it would be so dissimilar.

At one point I tried to remember what it was like as a kid to happily initiate conversations with strangers, but it's all so murky. Feels so out of reach now, like a pipe dream.

 

[Sslsh]

Very rarely. I don't tend to think in what-ifs, at least not in those particular situations. But on some occasions I wondered how my life would have played out without SA. Maybe my whole life situation and worldview would be different. So much would've been different that this alternative version of me couldn't really be considered 'me' since it would be so dissimilar.

At one point I tried to remember what it was like as a kid to happily initiate conversations with strangers, but it's all so murky. Feels so out of reach now, like a pipe dream.

Would you trade places with that other version of you if you were given a choice?

 

[BottomlessPit]

Would you trade places with that other version of you if you were given a choice?

Interesting question.. I think most people would say yes without hesitating, but I'm ambivalent about it. It's possible that this other version wouldn't be suicidal, and thus live a longer life than me. But I don't think that this is actually a good thing; I am of the opinion that it is always better to cease to exist, regardless of circumstance. So I consider losing my will to live to be beneficial, in the long run. In addition to that I would find it weird to trade places with someone who is so different from me.
But then again, this other version probably would've had a better quality of life. So I guess I don't really know if I would trade places.

How about you?

 

[Sslsh]

Interesting question.. I think most people would say yes without hesitating, but I'm ambivalent about it. It's possible that this other version wouldn't be suicidal, and thus live a longer life than me. But I don't think that this is actually a good thing; I am of the opinion that it is always better to cease to exist, regardless of circumstance. So I consider losing my will to live to be beneficial, in the long run. In addition to that I would find it weird to trade places with someone who is so different from me.
But then again, this other version probably would've had a better quality of life. So I guess I don't really know if I would trade places.

How about you?

Well that's a good take. I would rather not exist too, come to think of it. But I would love to experience the other life once. Just out of curiosity.

 

[FuneralCry]

I never feel comfortable around many people and interacting with others is exhausting to me. It can be quite stressful. I actually do like my own company and I am very introverted naturally. I always feel a need to isolate myself. It can be hard to deal with, being around others when you are like this.

 

[NormaJeane]

We all become handicapped if we live long enough. I have a neighbour who is so old that she is so crooked in the body that she must look down into the ground, she can not look straight ahead.