Had to postpone my suicide

[back_to_oblivion]

Due to family circumstances I decided to postpone my suicide for at least months. A lot is happening right now, it's not the right time for them to experience a suicide and handle the stress and grief my suicide would cause. The timing has to be right. It would really be a bad timing right now and could ruin things. It hasn't changed my decision to ctb but it does make me feel stuck a bit, I really hoped I wouldn't see much of 2022, but I'm gonna be here longer than I would have liked. For me personally my death wouldn't be a bad thing, to the contrary: it would be a relief, I see it as something positive for myself. It's the ultimate sleep, the final relief, the moment I get to drop all the burdens, forget everything and never wake up. But for my family? It would be a disaster. That's the difficulty with suicide. I wish there was a way it wouldn't affect them but I just can't live out most of my life to wait till they are not around to experience it anymore.

 

[Lost Magic]

There is no rush. Just take your time. The bus will wait.

 

[back_to_oblivion]

There is no rush. Just take your time. The bus will wait.

It's still a bit of shame. I really prepared everything. If ever there was a right time to do it preparation-wise it would be now.

 

[Crazy4u]

you are very considerate. I finished preparing for ctb and have all tools I need. I wanted to leave faster but I can't due to unfinished business.

 

[davidgeorge]

Fabulous that you've put your family first

 

[FuneralCry]

It is understandable, why you would postpone your ctb. The option is always there to exit this world after all. I can relate to your feelings about death, I look forward to death, I just want to rest forever and be free from all suffering, but I know that it can be difficult when we are leaving behind other people. In my case I could personally never stay alive for others, even know I know it would cause them pain. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[back_to_oblivion]

you are very considerate. I finished preparing for ctb and have all tools I need. I wanted to leave faster but I can't due to unfinished business.

Sometimes I do wish I was less considerate and didn't care about these things.

It is understandable, why you would postpone your ctb. The option is always there to exit this world after all. I can relate to your feelings about death, I look forward to death, I just want to rest forever and be free from all suffering, but I know that it can be difficult when we are leaving behind other people. In my case I could personally never stay alive for others, even know I know it would cause them pain. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

It's pretty much the only thing I looked forward to in a long time now and in a weird way the prospect of it is what keeps me going.

 

[LostAllHope88]

Due to family circumstances I decided to postpone my suicide for at least months. A lot is happening right now, it's not the right time for them to experience a suicide and handle the stress and grief my suicide would cause. The timing has to be right. It would really be a bad timing right now and could ruin things. It hasn't changed my decision to ctb but it does make me feel stuck a bit, I really hoped I wouldn't see much of 2022, but I'm gonna be here longer than I would have liked. For me personally my death wouldn't be a bad thing, to the contrary: it would be a relief, I see it as something positive for myself. It's the ultimate sleep, the final relief, the moment I get to drop all the burdens, forget everything and never wake up. But for my family? It would be a disaster. That's the difficulty with suicide. I wish there was a way it wouldn't affect them but I just can't live out most of my life to wait till they are not around to experience it anymore.

I completely understand why you would choose not to for the sake of your family. I put it off for many years for the sake of my mom, even though I was miserable and life kept getting worse. When she decided to CTB in September it was kind of a shock, but also felt like she was giving me permission. The rest of my family doesn't really care about me one way or the other so I'm not too worried about the impact my choice to CTB will have now.

You're a kind person