I think there are various factors that prevent me from attempting to CTB.
The first one being the guilt of what it would do to my family, I'd be ending their lives at the same time as ending mine. Or if not ending theres, scarring them irreversibly.
I don't know whether it's intentional but I've been arguing more with them and getting angry about things that I didn't used to.
It's having a series of effects like making me feel less guilty out of spite but also motivating me in a less depressed way and a more 'fuck you' kinda way.
And I lecture on about this guilt I feel but I'm clearly not that guilty or else I'd be trying every possible way to get better. But I've just totally given up on existing.
I can't function and I can't be alone with my feelings and thoughts without immediately resorting to drastic suicidal ideations.
I've used the 'discussion' prefix rather than venting (even though this really is just a big vent) because I want some other peoples opinions on why the guilt can literally eat away at me to the point where it makes me dysfunctional but not enough to change or to try be better?
The first one being the guilt of what it would do to my family, I'd be ending their lives at the same time as ending mine. Or if not ending theres, scarring them irreversibly.
I don't know whether it's intentional but I've been arguing more with them and getting angry about things that I didn't used to.
It's having a series of effects like making me feel less guilty out of spite but also motivating me in a less depressed way and a more 'fuck you' kinda way.
And I lecture on about this guilt I feel but I'm clearly not that guilty or else I'd be trying every possible way to get better. But I've just totally given up on existing.
I can't function and I can't be alone with my feelings and thoughts without immediately resorting to drastic suicidal ideations.
I've used the 'discussion' prefix rather than venting (even though this really is just a big vent) because I want some other peoples opinions on why the guilt can literally eat away at me to the point where it makes me dysfunctional but not enough to change or to try be better?
