Incoherence alert
I've realised that what makes me feel guilt is all the things I wanted to say to and do to those people I loved once I got better. I was very close to being better than ever and so excited to spread love and forgiveness. All of a sudden, I'm worse than ever and I will never get to say/do those things. Those people will not get what they deserve, what I've wanted to give them, they will maybe think that they were bad to me, that I didn't recover from some, when in fact it's the new trauma that makes me ctb. That one completely changed me as a person, deleted my vocabulary, memories, cognition, trust and care. I wish it was different. I feel like I've betrayed them.
I've realised that what makes me feel guilt is all the things I wanted to say to and do to those people I loved once I got better. I was very close to being better than ever and so excited to spread love and forgiveness. All of a sudden, I'm worse than ever and I will never get to say/do those things. Those people will not get what they deserve, what I've wanted to give them, they will maybe think that they were bad to me, that I didn't recover from some, when in fact it's the new trauma that makes me ctb. That one completely changed me as a person, deleted my vocabulary, memories, cognition, trust and care. I wish it was different. I feel like I've betrayed them.
