Got rid of all my suicide notes!!!

[sohopelessandempty]

Is anyone proud of me? Honestly I regret it, and now I'm more trapped since if I change my mind, I'd have to rewrite them and I'm too exhausted, but I'd never leave without closure. I just want to know if getting rid of them and my plans was the right move. I want someone to be proud of me, this was kind of difficult to do.

 

[Arvayn]

I'm proud of you; it's good to see you around again. To be able to recover, you need to have faith in yourself that you can do it, and this is a really big step in that direction. Truly, good work, it must have not been easy to muster up all that willpower.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I'm proud of you; it's good to see you around again. To be able to recover, you need to have faith in yourself that you can do it, and this is a really big step in that direction. Truly, good work, it must have not been easy to muster up all that willpower.

Thank you, this makes me feel a bit better. I always love your thoughtful responses. It's just been so difficult to recover but I am trying.

 

[m1v]

I am very proud of you, this isn't something easy to do at all, but you did it! Sending you hearts <3

 

[vyvanceandvodka]

I'm very proud of you friend!!!!

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I'm very proud of you friend!!!!

Thank you so much!!! I wish you well in recovery <33

I am very proud of you, this isn't something easy to do at all, but you did it! Sending you hearts <3

Thank you, this means a lot to me. <3

 

[fuzzypeach]

i am so proud of you!! that is a commitment towards your recovery

 

[sohopelessandempty]

i am so proud of you!! that is a commitment towards your recovery

Thank you!!! Also it's nice to see another Bojack Horseman fan lol(not Bojack himself, I mean the show).

 

[MapleS]

I'm VERY proud of you <3

 

[BeanCurd]

That's awesome, well done! I'm proud of you :) I think it's normal to feel conflicted about it.

I haven't been able to bring myself to get rid of mine, even though they're out of date now anyway (years old!). I've considered asking my therapist if she could help me get rid of them/we could do it together, but I'm not sure. She doesn't currently know they exist lol.

 

[Deer_Dairy]

This step requires a lot of strenght and courage. I am really proud of You since it sure has to be very hard. And You made it!
It is a huge success.

 

[a65b]

im so proud of you

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I'm VERY proud of you <3

Thank you so much!!! Sorry for the late reply, haven't been on here in a while

That's awesome, well done! I'm proud of you :) I think it's normal to feel conflicted about it.

I haven't been able to bring myself to get rid of mine, even though they're out of date now anyway (years old!). I've considered asking my therapist if she could help me get rid of them/we could do it together, but I'm not sure. She doesn't currently know they exist lol.

I understand the feeling of being unable to get rid of them even though they're old. Depends on your therapist but when I told mine(okay I also went into detail about the plans that I scrapped and how and when I was going to do it until I changed my mind, so that's my fault) but I'm starting intensive outpatient soon because of this. Don't be afraid to tell her though, do what you want, and as long as you're not in active danger you won't be put in the hospital or anything.

This step requires a lot of strenght and courage. I am really proud of You since it sure has to be very hard. And You made it!
It is a huge success.

Thank you!! Yes it was hard and I've regret it every day since lol. But all these replies are so sweet, makes me feel like getting rid of them was a good thing instead of something I deeply regret.

im so proud of you

Thank you

 

[Awesomefoid67]

hell yeah thats awesome

 

[sohopelessandempty]

hell yeah thats awesome

Thanks!!

 

[Always-in-trouble]

I think your quote under your profile is proof of that, glad you are finding some happiness. Also, changing your mind whether you actually want to ctb is difficult, especially if you had a past attempt, don't feel guilty for it.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I think your quote under your profile is proof of that, glad you are finding some happiness. Also, changing your mind whether you actually want to ctb is difficult, especially if you had a past attempt, don't feel guilty for it.

I'm not happy. It's complicated why I got rid of my notes. I think these new meds are fucking with my head, tricking me into thinking I don't truly want to die, distracting me from my true desire. I'm a slave to my own brain chemicals, good and bad.

 

[Always-in-trouble]

I'm not happy. It's complicated why I got rid of my notes. I think these new meds are fucking with my head, tricking me into thinking I don't truly want to die, distracting me from my true desire. I'm a slave to my own brain chemicals, good and bad.

Oh shit, sorry for assuming.

 

[BeanCurd]

I understand the feeling of being unable to get rid of them even though they're old. Depends on your therapist but when I told mine(okay I also went into detail about the plans that I scrapped and how and when I was going to do it until I changed my mind, so that's my fault) but I'm starting intensive outpatient soon because of this. Don't be afraid to tell her though, do what you want, and as long as you're not in active danger you won't be put in the hospital or anything.

Thanks for the advice :) I'm still building trust with her, and trying to get a feel for her calmness around suicide topics, but I'll definitely consider it in the future if things are going well with her. Tbh I didn't think what you mentioned would result in anything like intensive outpatient, so thank you for sharing! I hope it goes well for you.

 

[idontknowwhatiam]

Is anyone proud of me? Honestly I regret it, and now I'm more trapped since if I change my mind, I'd have to rewrite them and I'm too exhausted, but I'd never leave without closure. I just want to know if getting rid of them and my plans was the right move. I want someone to be proud of me, this was kind of difficult to do.

I'm proud of you! Congratulations! You deserve to feel good about this accomplishment

 

[piercedheart]

I am very proud of you, keep up the good work <3

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I'm proud of you! Congratulations! You deserve to feel good about this accomplishment

Thank you so much!!!

I am very proud of you, keep up the good work <3

Thanks <3

Oh shit, sorry for assuming.

It's okay!!! No worries

Thanks for the advice :) I'm still building trust with her, and trying to get a feel for her calmness around suicide topics, but I'll definitely consider it in the future if things are going well with her. Tbh I didn't think what you mentioned would result in anything like intensive outpatient, so thank you for sharing! I hope it goes well for you.

Thanks! I hope things go well for you too

 

[jimmyinnout]

Godspeed soldier removing the suicide notes was the right move

 

[SASU-KE]

Is anyone proud of me? Honestly I regret it, and now I'm more trapped since if I change my mind, I'd have to rewrite them and I'm too exhausted, but I'd never leave without closure. I just want to know if getting rid of them and my plans was the right move. I want someone to be proud of me, this was kind of difficult to do.

Proud of you,you've overcome a lot!

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Proud of you,you've overcome a lot!

Thank you!!!

Godspeed soldier removing the suicide notes was the right move

Thanks I really appreciate this

 

[webb&flow]

tearing your death contract in half >:3 powerful move

You seem like the kind of person who won't cut the tether without words being there to speak fir them. In such a case, you have severed your tether to death, your conscience unable of cutting off yourself without this tether, without a note to speak for your suicide. By destroying your words easing the tether for you unto death, you have not only taken the paper off the table but torn it to shreds—"To shreds, you say!".

You can always have this power, to tear that contract in half. Again, and again· over again.

For people such as you, obliterating those notes is as powerful as obliterating suicide method material itself. You are no longer burdened by the anxiety of ease towards death, your mind is now much eased and with more breath to look instead towards life itself.

You might not have many people to confide this truly monumental achievement to, but you should know that we, I, understand the truly breathtaking gravity of this act. It is a momentous occasion for you, and a harbringer of so much more to come. No matter what comes after this is a great landmark for you. And so the journey continues…

 

[iset]

You can be very proud of yourself for accomplishing this

 

[sohopelessandempty]

tearing your death contract in half >:3 powerful move

You seem like the kind of person who won't cut the tether without words being there to speak fir them. In such a case, you have severed your tether to death, your conscience unable of cutting off yourself without this tether, without a note to speak for your suicide. By destroying your words easing the tether for you unto death, you have not only taken the paper off the table but torn it to shreds—"To shreds, you say!".

You can always have this power, to tear that contract in half. Again, and again· over again.

For people such as you, obliterating those notes is as powerful as obliterating suicide method material itself. You are no longer burdened by the anxiety of ease towards death, your mind is now much eased and with more breath to look instead towards life itself.

You might not have many people to confide this truly monumental achievement to, but you should know that we, I, understand the truly breathtaking gravity of this act. It is a momentous occasion for you, and a harbringer of so much more to come. No matter what comes after this is a great landmark for you. And so the journey continues…

Thank you so much for this, it means a lot to me. Truly. I feel really stupid though because I regret getting rid of the letters, glad someone understands why I can't ctb without them though.

You can be very proud of yourself for accomplishing this

Thank you, I wish I was but I regret it. I went through many waves of wanting to get rid of them(and sometimes actually did and then regretted it), so at the time THOSE letters were finished, I told myself I wouldn't scrap them. Because I knew I'd regret it, just like all the times before. Even if I thought I wanted to get rid of them, I'd keep them for that reason. And I was always right, and I'd think like thank goodness I didn't trash them lol I would've regretted it so bad now. Unfortunately I let temporary positivity ruin all of this. I am too exhausted to write new ones. Too exhausted to truly plan anything. I'm just done.