Venting Got covid, might take this as the reason to ctb

[Unsure_about_living]

Already had my SN, now I have covid so have to isolate and also feel like my relationship is on the edge of collapse for covid related reasons. It's only a few more days of staying home alone, but I know that every day I'm going to strongly consider doing it, and even when I'm allowed to go out I still have strong suicidal urges all the time.

I've thought about contacting the crisis team, after I was under their care last month, but I have such phone anxiety anyway and I feel like they're just going to say "well obviously we can't visit because you have covid".


I have some reasons to stay alive, but they don't feel anything compared with the constant urge to feel at peace, even if that means nothing.

I think my main fear is that I'll take the SN and then call for help, like with other methods. Obviously I wouldn't take it if I thought I would call for help, but I guess that's what SI does. I don't want to be in the situation of feeling like an attention seeker who says they're going to ctb but then calls a friend, again

 

[WadeingThru]

Don't be another COVID statistic. Maybe the crisis team can send some that has COVID. Maybe they can help via telephone or video chat.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. I know that it can be hard to carry on when you do not want to be here. I also just want to be at peace, I am tired of living. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[Sherri]

Corona alone it's hard to ctb now, I'm sorry for your pain and having to be here against your will. Whatever happens i Want to wish you goo luck and that you find The peace you crave for, whatever way you can and obviously think through. A big hug.

 

[Graytaichi]

Why not wait after u recover from convid. People may come and check on you . So it mighy spoil your plan. Ctb and convid are seperate issues