Story Goodbye...

[BirdNamedRose]

It's too painful for me to remain, I wish i had more things to say or something sweet to tell but my story was alway gonna end badly. Idk where i'll go, I just want the pain to end. This year has been very bitter sweet, I was the happiest I been in years, I made precious memories with my family, with friends, and with so many on this site. People who cared about me, actually cared. I want to especially thank @dimstar, Janine, Heart, many others who I met through this site but dont remember their user names at least on site. You all know who you are, you became my friends and comforted me in my darkest times. I thank you for that, it ment the world to me. Janine I know your gone love, i'm so sorry i couldn't keep our promise, i hope somewhere out there you can forgive me. Maybe i'll follow you into the dark, I fought with all I had and the world crushed my soul, my heart couldn't take this cruel world. Forgive me, I had dreams... stories to tell, i wanted to give people hope, something they could enjoy, an escape from the harsh reality we live in, now those stories die with me, I no longer care. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, my hearts all gone. I just want to move on from this painful lesson that was life.

-Farewell my friends, if theres one thing i wish I won't forget is you. -Rose

 

[killorbekilled]

I hope your pain ends and you find what you are looking for. No forgiveness is needed.

 

[skyflame]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Sending you love.

 

[maniac116]

It's too painful for me to remain, I wish i had more things to say or something sweet to tell but my story was alway gonna end badly. Idk where i'll go, I just want the pain to end. This year has been very bitter sweet, I was the happiest I been in years, I made precious memories with my family, with friends, and with so many on this site. People who cared about me, actually cared. I want to especially thank @dimstar, Janine, Heart, many others who I met through this site but dont remember their user names at least on site. You all know who you are, you became my friends and comforted me in my darkest times. I thank you for that, it ment the world to me. Janine I know your gone love, i'm so sorry i couldn't keep our promise, i hope somewhere out there you can forgive me. Maybe i'll follow you into the dark, I fought with all I had and the world crushed my soul, my heart couldn't take this cruel world. Forgive me, I had dreams... stories to tell, i wanted to give people hope, something they could enjoy, an escape from the harsh reality we live in, now those stories die with me, I no longer care. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, my hearts all gone. I just want to move on from this painful lesson that was life.

-Farewell my friends, if theres one thing i wish I won't forget is you. -Rose

 

[SVEN]

Every good wish, poor bruised Rose. May you find peace and rest in whatever way.

 

[disjectamembra]

love and peace <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace, best wishes.

 

[Dot]

:-(

Hpe u r rlly sre abt ths

 

[AllTheseQuestions]

I'm so sorry

 

[carac]

Thanks for playing Catan with me, if you do change your mind we can always play some more

 

[heartbroken12]

Talk to me if you need angel, I am here x

 

[nir]

It's too painful for me to remain, I wish i had more things to say or something sweet to tell but my story was alway gonna end badly. Idk where i'll go, I just want the pain to end. This year has been very bitter sweet, I was the happiest I been in years, I made precious memories with my family, with friends, and with so many on this site. People who cared about me, actually cared. I want to especially thank @dimstar, Janine, Heart, many others who I met through this site but dont remember their user names at least on site. You all know who you are, you became my friends and comforted me in my darkest times. I thank you for that, it ment the world to me. Janine I know your gone love, i'm so sorry i couldn't keep our promise, i hope somewhere out there you can forgive me. Maybe i'll follow you into the dark, I fought with all I had and the world crushed my soul, my heart couldn't take this cruel world. Forgive me, I had dreams... stories to tell, i wanted to give people hope, something they could enjoy, an escape from the harsh reality we live in, now those stories die with me, I no longer care. It doesn't hurt as much anymore, my hearts all gone. I just want to move on from this painful lesson that was life.

-Farewell my friends, if theres one thing i wish I won't forget is you. -Rose

<3 thinking of you. So sorry it came to this.

 

[pariah80]

Sending love and best wishes, no matter your decision.

 

[whywere]

Lots of forever love and peace and always here if things change, my good friend.

Walter

 

[LunarLight]

I'm so sorry life brought you to this. Safe travels, my friend. Do you happen to have a method?

 

[Kish]

I wish you good luck safe journey <3

 

[athiestjoe]

With whatever you decide, I hope you find peace & serenity. Sending good vibes out for smooth travels.

 

[willctbsoon]

I hope you find peace and love !

 

[BirdNamedRose]

As annoying as this may be I'm still alive, got through finals and passed my classes, I'm trying to find away out of this abuse i've been receiving. But for the moment i'll try to stick it out awhile longer. Wish things weren't so shit at home. Start my next set of classes monday. I'll try my best to stay strong

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

As annoying as this may be I'm still alive, got through finals and passed my classes, I'm trying to find away out of this abuse i've been receiving. But for the moment i'll try to stick it out awhile longer. Wish things weren't so shit at home. Start my next set of classes monday. I'll try my best to stay strong

no shame in staying alive for another day

 

[aloicious]

Do you have a sense of what might help you to feel better? (if that's what you hope for)

 

[BirdNamedRose]

Idk, here i am 3 weeks in and i'm already failing the pervious classes left me completely burned out and I'm having a hard time bringing myself to care, I dont want to face anymore tomorrow. Its pathetic and shameful of me wanting to find a way out. In the end I only have myself to blame. I don't want to see tomorrow, i'm so very tired. I dont want to end up in another mental hospital again. Idk what to do

 

[aloicious]

I can really relate to what you are saying. It's so hard when you can't connect to a basic desire within yourself, that you just don't have the fuel to do the basic things you need to live in this world. I don't think there's any shame in wanting to find a way out. I think you need to keep the perspective that this depression - is your nervous system shutting down to protect you from overwhelm. It's a survival mechanism, even if in the end it is making you suffer. I don't know what, if anything, will help you. I imagine you have tried therapy and some kind of medication. I certainly have. But try not to layer onto it with shame. If you can bring any compassion to yourself and your situation, that is much more likely to give you a bit of relief. Just as if you were talking to another person experiencing these feelings - "I'm so sorry you are feeling this way," etc.. - see if you can offer some of that to yourself. And if there is anything that gives you real joy - nature, playing an instrument, exercise - make sure to make time for that in your day.

 

[BirdNamedRose]

Maybe, but i already got the confirmation from my professor that I won't pass their class, and my gpa cant take another hit like this, looks like I'll be flunking out of community college. No money, or prospects. I feel absolutely worthless, I guess that's how this story ends... in just more disappointment. I'm very determined to ctb this time and succeed but idk if a fall will be enough. I'd really hate to go through with it only to fail or wake up in a even worse situation. Idk what to do, is there even a point in continuing the fight for what's left of my college classes? I already failed to meet the requirements of my contract to get out of academic probation.