Goodbye thread

[thesighofleaves]

hi everyone

So, I haven't spoken with people here much. I don't have any specific friends on here so I don't eve know if I should be making a thread like this, but well, here I am, anyway.

It's 2:15pm here. I'm gonna go after the sunset, so maybe around 8 or 9. I had my last thing to "eat" about an hour ago, a little bit of my favorite smoothie combination, blueberry and banana.

Using SN and meto, stat dosing. I have some lorazepan as well but I dunno if I should take it or when? (if anyone has advice please share)

Been trying to keep myself busy today. Wrote up a will, got it notarized. Wrote most of my goodbye messages that I just have to schedule. I still have a few things to do. I'm trying not to let myself think, because if I think, I might come up with a reason to stay, or I might get sad. I spent all day yesterday crying. I've spent years crying. I've had enough.

I'm 33. Things have been incredibly rough (to put it mildly) for 20 years with no end in sight. I'm just...really tired. I'm really fucking tired. It's been almost relentless, and so. If the world won't let me actually rest, i will do it myself.

Well, anyway. I'm gonna hover around here as i finish my last bit of things. Good luck, everyone

 

[idfwlnh]

May you see the peace that you seek for

 

[thesighofleaves]

May you see the peace that you seek for

Is your profile Furina? Aw. I loved her. Genshin is one of the few things I'm going to miss. Thank you.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I know exactly how you are feeling as I'm 39 and i have been sad and depressed ever since I was 16 years old. I am very tired of everything too.

May you be at rest and wake up in a much better world than this one. A world filled with love, understanding and peace.

 

[geepeedee]

hope you find peace.

 

[idfwlnh]

Is your profile Furina? Aw. I loved her. Genshin is one of the few things I'm going to miss. Thank you.

It's super awful that you'll miss Snezhnaya this August

 

[Matchaaa]

I'm sorry life brought you to this point, I hope you find peace and comfort.
I wish you all the best, good luck.

 

[unluckysadness]

Your post is very moving. Sorry life brought you to this point but I hope you'll find peace

 

[mlb]

Heartbreaking post. I hope you find peace, Leaves

 

[thesighofleaves]

It's super awful that you'll miss Snezhnaya this August

Heh, don't remind me

But to be honest, I'm not excited for it. It's been hard to feel excited about things in general, but when it comes to genshin I was more interested in Khaenriah, and I'm not sticking around another 2 years plus to get to it.

 

[bl33ding_heart]

May peace be upon you.

 

[sadpeach]

I hope things go smoothly for you. Safe travels friend

 

[idfwlnh]

Heh, don't remind me

But to be honest, I'm not excited for it. It's been hard to feel excited about things in general, but when it comes to genshin I was more interested in Khaenriah, and I'm not sticking around another 2 years plus to get to it.

I'd say, I think "Genshin first chapter" is gonna end in over a year, and I think we'll get to Khaenriah during our time at Snezhnaya (these names are awfully hard to remember) but either way, yeah, It's gonna be a long time ahead. If I'm still well until Kheanriah, I'll be sure to show you images of it on this post dw haha. Hope you do well!

 

[thesighofleaves]

I'd say, I think "Genshin first chapter" is gonna end in over a year, and I think we'll get to Khaenriah during our time at Snezhnaya (these names are awfully hard to remember) but either way, yeah, It's gonna be a long time ahead. If I'm still well until Kheanriah, I'll be sure to show you images of it on this post dw haha. Hope you do well!

You're so sweet haha
thank you
(and maybe a little optimistic, as I don't see genshin part 1 ending in a year, but if you're around that long i hope you enjoy it)

 

[dizzy.]

I wish you the best. Bless you. <3

 

[darksouls]

good luck, I hope you find peace

 

[CatLvr]

I sincerely hope your moving to the next world is gentle and you find the peace we all seek. While I will defend your right to choose til the day I die, I also become incredibly sad when anyone posts a good bye thread. Please know that even those of us who do not "know" you will feel the loss of your soul, and those who have had the honor to know you will miss you. Go gentle and be at peace. I will light a candle on my altar for you this evening.

 

[CaramelAppleStars]

This world is cruel. I'm sorry it has led you to this decision, but I'm glad you can take fate into your own hands and find peace

 

[glass-petal]

it doesn't matter if you've talked to people here a ton or not at all, we're all kindred spirits here at the end of the day. i hope this place has provided you with some comfort while you search for peace

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope you find peace from suffering.

 

[thesighofleaves]

I sincerely hope your moving to the next world is gentle and you find the peace we all seek. While I will defend your right to choose til the day I die, I also become incredibly sad when anyone posts a good bye thread. Please know that even those of us who do not "know" you will feel the loss of your soul, and those who have had the honor to know you will miss you. Go gentle and be at peace. I will light a candle on my altar for you this evening.

Thank you so much for your kindness :)

it doesn't matter if you've talked to people here a ton or not at all, we're all kindred spirits here at the end of the day. i hope this place has provided you with some comfort while you search for peace

Thank you so much. Yes, I do have some IRL friends, and there were some nice things about this world.

 

[blisterinthesun]

Before you go, is there anything you want to share with a handful of sympathetic strangers about life and what has brought you here?

I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask. I'm new here and find it tough seeing people's goodbyes. I always think there is so much we don't know about each other on this forum, even though we're sharing these plans and feelings that can't be shared anywhere else. I'd like to know something about you if that's not too weird to ask.

If not, I hope it goes smoothly for you and I'm sorry it had to come to this. Peace friend.

 

[peacebenow]

May you find rest and ease among a lush bed of leaves.

 

[thesighofleaves]

Before you go, is there anything you want to share with a handful of sympathetic strangers about life and what has brought you here?

I'm sorry if this isn't appropriate to ask. I'm new here and find it tough seeing people's goodbyes. I always think there is so much we don't know about each other on this forum, even though we're sharing these plans and feelings that can't be shared anywhere else. I'd like to know something about you if that's not too weird to ask.

If not, I hope it goes smoothly for you and I'm sorry it had to come to this. Peace friend.

You're so sweet. It's not weird to ask.

Well, for one thing. I'm really sad about not being able to finish Genshin. It's a game that they want to go on for many years, but the main chapter, this first one, I was really invested in. And the music, good god. The music of this game is some of the most beautiful I've ever heard. Each region. There's truly nothing like it. I loved this game so much, and I could play it until I was 60 I bet.

About life, well...it has been cruel. People have been really mean. I would say, believe your friends. Communicate with them. Don't jump to conclusions, don't attack them. Don't explode at them. Not everyone can do this, I know, and that's why the world is the way it is. So many unhealthy, cruel people, who think nothing about yelling. I did so much damage to my body because of stress, because I didn't know everyone didn't have empathy. I thought it was only psychopaths and serial killers, but no...it's like being born and naturally being good at art. Maybe some can learn it, but not everyone has it, and that one thing, not knowing that one thing caused me so, so much pain. Not all of it. But a very significant part.

And to that end, drawing. I wanted to be an artist. I'm a failed artist in the truest sense of the word. Well, I could copy a drawing fairly decently, so I had something, maybe. But tutorials never made sense. I wanted to draw and make comics, but every time I started practicing, some crisis showed up in my life. It became too much. I started to feel like the universe didn't want me to.

Which brings me to my last point. 8 years ago, they found a lesion n my brain stem. It's in a location they won't even biopsy. It hasn't changed in all this time, which is good, but they don't know what it is. It could be truly nothing, a congenital defect. Or malformed blood vessels that could bleed whenever. Or a very slow growing tumor. I am tired of living in fear, on top of 20 years of trauma, on top of never being able to draw. I am, in fact, very very tired. I'm trying not to cry as I write this.

It's not enough that this world is so full of abusive, narcissistic, cruel, evil, people. It's not enough we have racism, poverty, disasters, and wars. But the universe itself can aspire to be against you. I got deep into astrology, like the real stuff, not the pop magazine stuff. It really seemed that was part of my design. I don't know for sure. Maybe I just made a big mistake along the way. But I got to a point where I realized it was too much to try to heal 20 years of trauma, other health issues, learn to draw to make comics, someone now get screwed over by all the rampant US greed and now other insanity, and...not become permanently disabled from whatever is in my head.

It was all too much to ask of me, for the little I wanted. Making a living from art one day. A tiny home somewhere walkable. Surrounded by trees and flowers. Good health. And just, lots of creativity. That's most of what I wanted. Honestly I think if I got nothing else I'd be happy.
In any case. Almost all my goodbyes are scheduled. 7:40. Man, I'm so hungry. The sun is almost set. Soon.

 

[ilovenewyork]

What if you gave yourself one more day? A little vacation. Binge watch a TV show, eat ice cream. What have you got to lose?

 

[lorem_ipsum]

hi everyone

So, I haven't spoken with people here much. I don't have any specific friends on here so I don't eve know if I should be making a thread like this, but well, here I am, anyway.

It's 2:15pm here. I'm gonna go after the sunset, so maybe around 8 or 9. I had my last thing to "eat" about an hour ago, a little bit of my favorite smoothie combination, blueberry and banana.

Using SN and meto, stat dosing. I have some lorazepan as well but I dunno if I should take it or when? (if anyone has advice please share)

Been trying to keep myself busy today. Wrote up a will, got it notarized. Wrote most of my goodbye messages that I just have to schedule. I still have a few things to do. I'm trying not to let myself think, because if I think, I might come up with a reason to stay, or I might get sad. I spent all day yesterday crying. I've spent years crying. I've had enough.

I'm 33. Things have been incredibly rough (to put it mildly) for 20 years with no end in sight. I'm just...really tired. I'm really fucking tired. It's been almost relentless, and so. If the world won't let me actually rest, i will do it myself.

Well, anyway. I'm gonna hover around here as i finish my last bit of things. Good luck, everyone

Maybe soon ill have the courage to leave. Peace to you. Rest well.

 

[abstractcat7]

You're so sweet. It's not weird to ask.

Well, for one thing. I'm really sad about not being able to finish Genshin. It's a game that they want to go on for many years, but the main chapter, this first one, I was really invested in. And the music, good god. The music of this game is some of the most beautiful I've ever heard. Each region. There's truly nothing like it. I loved this game so much, and I could play it until I was 60 I bet.

About life, well...it has been cruel. People have been really mean. I would say, believe your friends. Communicate with them. Don't jump to conclusions, don't attack them. Don't explode at them. Not everyone can do this, I know, and that's why the world is the way it is. So many unhealthy, cruel people, who think nothing about yelling. I did so much damage to my body because of stress, because I didn't know everyone didn't have empathy. I thought it was only psychopaths and serial killers, but no...it's like being born and naturally being good at art. Maybe some can learn it, but not everyone has it, and that one thing, not knowing that one thing caused me so, so much pain. Not all of it. But a very significant part.

And to that end, drawing. I wanted to be an artist. I'm a failed artist in the truest sense of the word. Well, I could copy a drawing fairly decently, so I had something, maybe. But tutorials never made sense. I wanted to draw and make comics, but every time I started practicing, some crisis showed up in my life. It became too much. I started to feel like the universe didn't want me to.

Which brings me to my last point. 8 years ago, they found a lesion n my brain stem. It's in a location they won't even biopsy. It hasn't changed in all this time, which is good, but they don't know what it is. It could be truly nothing, a congenital defect. Or malformed blood vessels that could bleed whenever. Or a very slow growing tumor. I am tired of living in fear, on top of 20 years of trauma, on top of never being able to draw. I am, in fact, very very tired. I'm trying not to cry as I write this.

It's not enough that this world is so full of abusive, narcissistic, cruel, evil, people. It's not enough we have racism, poverty, disasters, and wars. But the universe itself can aspire to be against you. I got deep into astrology, like the real stuff, not the pop magazine stuff. It really seemed that was part of my design. I don't know for sure. Maybe I just made a big mistake along the way. But I got to a point where I realized it was too much to try to heal 20 years of trauma, other health issues, learn to draw to make comics, someone now get screwed over by all the rampant US greed and now other insanity, and...not become permanently disabled from whatever is in my head.

It was all too much to ask of me, for the little I wanted. Making a living from art one day. A tiny home somewhere walkable. Surrounded by trees and flowers. Good health. And just, lots of creativity. That's most of what I wanted. Honestly I think if I got nothing else I'd be happy.
In any case. Almost all my goodbyes are scheduled. 7:40. Man, I'm so hungry. The sun is almost set. Soon.

Your paragraphs about other people and your last one feel like things I've written/thought many, many times. I never feel better knowing I'm not alone in pain, I always hate that other people with thinking minds have to experience the same shit I do and hate, often far worse too. I hope you find the peace you need and deserve.

 

[Not_A_Seagull]

Is your profile Furina? Aw. I loved her. Genshin is one of the few things I'm going to miss. Thank you.

its nice seeing a genshin player in the wild.... man the memories i have on that game

its nice seeing a genshin player in the wild.... man the memories i have on that game

you seem like such a good person

 

[thesighofleaves]

Well this is...awkward.

It's 9pm. Between my IRL friends who know, and the people I'm protecting and scheduled messages for...I'm still not done. I was, it seems, too ambitious trying to do everything today, and more people wanted to talk to me than I thought. I still need to measure my dose and review the instructions to make sure I'm doing it right, and I'm shaky, and it's been 8 hours...

I think I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow. I don't want to rush.

Wow.

I was not expecting this.

its nice seeing a genshin player in the wild.... man the memories i have on that game

you seem like such a good person

Thank you. I can only hope that my deeds measure up to such a claim. I know I tried to be, at least.

 

[CatLvr]

Well this is...awkward.

It's 9pm. Between my IRL friends who know, and the people I'm protecting and scheduled messages for...I'm still not done. I was, it seems, too ambitious trying to do everything today, and more people wanted to talk to me than I thought. I still need to measure my dose and review the instructions to make sure I'm doing it right, and I'm shaky, and it's been 8 hours...

I think I'm going to have to wait until tomorrow. I don't want to rush.

Wow.

I was not expecting this.


Thank you. I can only hope that my deeds measure up to such a claim. I know I tried to be, at least.

Hey!! It's not a race -- take a deep breath, grab something to eat and consider what tomorrow will look like. We are here for you no matter if it's today, tomorrow, next week or next year. It is okay.