First off let me say sorry for not doing the tests. Ultimately I think my meter has too much error margin with anything over 1000 ppm and the results would not be accurate and worth posting.
Also sorry for this really long post.
I'm going to explain my process in detail before I say my final goodbye. I'm doing quite a bit here because I absolutely cannot have this fail and that is why I am using probably way more charcoal than I need. I should just hang myself, but I'm a coward. Also can't get any SN or a gun. I do expect this method to be more peaceful than cyanide or SN alone.
Me:
Vehicle:
Supplies:
Bucket Setup:
Tray Setup:
Final Process: stay inside the garage the entire time except to get the fire starters that are ignited outside and once we enter the car. This way I am constantly breathing what's burning inside the garage from the grill. This promotes CO build up because I am actively moving around at this point. The garage should reach about 500+ ppm for a few hours. I'm also actively smoking cigarettes the entire time but I stop smoking once I enter the car. I am also smoking weed the entire time.
The tray will burn out first but create a quick CO spike. The buckets will burn for longer and help maintain levels of 3000+ for about 2 hours. The buckets are in the car for 20 minutes before I get inside with the tray. This is only because of the number of chimney starters I have. Upon entering I expect 3000+ ppm and with the tray now inside it should get up to 7000+ ppm if my seal is good. Even if not greatly sealed the air outside is polluted due to the grill burning so any exchange from leakage won't be fresh air. The last time I did this with only 1.5 kg of charcoal and waited 20 min for the ppm to reach 3000+ then I got it. I went unconscious in seconds. I am using more than 4x the charcoal this time as well as the apricot kernels.
I have no fear with the dying part, but I have some fear about what comes next. It's the fear of the unknown. I also fear the sorrow I will burden my family with.
GOODBYE
I will be doing this sometime in the next 10 days. I'm using a range because I really don't know who is reading this and their intentions. I won't reply back when I'm going to do it unless you are someone that has already been private messaging me. I might reply to comments in this thread for the next few days, but after that I'll have caught the bus or I am enjoying the remainder before I catch the bus. I'm really new here so I didn't really get to know any of you. For the few that reached out to me directly, thank you, and I'm sorry we couldn't get to know each other better and I'm sorry you are going through problems too. To the rest of you, I read a lot here and I think you are all great. I'm so sorry that all of us have issues that brought us here, but it's nice there is a place where we can share our stories. I wish everyone here that their issues be solved and become at peace. I honestly don't want anyone here to hurt themselves, but I understand there are valid reasons for doing so.
Goodbye SASU. I hope all of you find peace in some way.
Also sorry for this really long post.
I'm going to explain my process in detail before I say my final goodbye. I'm doing quite a bit here because I absolutely cannot have this fail and that is why I am using probably way more charcoal than I need. I should just hang myself, but I'm a coward. Also can't get any SN or a gun. I do expect this method to be more peaceful than cyanide or SN alone.
Me:
- 43 male, 5' 6", 65 kg
- no major health conditions - overall healthy
- smoker for 25+ years
- heavy cannabis smoker for 25+ years
- Sedentary lifestyle (especially these days)
Vehicle:
- 2019 Chevy Cruze
- Passenger window sealed with 2 mil plastic, aluminum foil, and butyl tape *window was broken by paramedics during the last attempt read it here tldr, too little charcoal
- Vents sealed with vapor tape
- towel blocking the windshield vent
- towel wedged in front floor areas
- a pet liner in the backseat. Maybe not necessary, but it makes a much more stable and level base.
- Ignition on for music, but engine off
- Inside a open rafter garage that is detached from the house
Supplies:
- 23 paving bricks. The flat ones that are about 12" x 6" x 1.5"
- Two galvanized steel buckets (12 quart and 14 quart, no particular reason they are different)
- Stainless steel mesh that goes into the bottom of the buckets to allow better airflow and catch ash.
- Two sheets of Aluminum foil big enough to cover the rims of the buckets. Holes poked in the foil to allow air in and CO out. Also support smoldering and blocking the upward heat.
- Steel baking tray - 13" x 18"
- 4 chimney starters - Kingsford brand *holds about 1.5 kg (3.3 lbs.) of charcoal
- News paper or similar to start the chimney starters
- Three pans that are 12" or larger
- Small battery operated fan (4")
- 70 Bitter apricot kernels (ground finely and placed into size 0 gelatin capsules) *about 43 capsules - I should have gotten size 00
- Vodka - 150+ ml or about 5 oz. *hard liquor might help with the kernel process
- Dramamine - 150 mg *taken 45 minutes before the apricot kernels
- Vitamin C - 2000 mg *potential faster digestion of amygdalin to hydrogen cyanide
- 13.5 kg (27.9 lbs.) Kingsford briquets *7.5 kg in the car and 6 kg in the garage grill
- A grill *if you have extra charcoal
Bucket Setup:
- Press the steel mesh into each bucket. I'm leaving about an inch or so above the bottom.
- Behind the driver seat place 2 bricks on the backseat lying flat side by side.
- Stack 3 bricks on the slim edge up the back rest.
- Stack 2 bricks on the side that is near the door.
- Put a pan with cold water on top of the 2 base bricks
- Put 2 bricks on top of the pan to create the base where the pan rests
- Repeat this for the other side of the backseat behind the passenger
- The buckets are not yet placed in the car
Tray Setup:
- The Tray can be in the back seat between the two buckets but in my case it's in the front driver's seat. I have it sitting on a metal range rack
- 3 bricks are placed up the back rest just like in the backseat
- 2 bricks are placed on the side where the door is
- The tray waits outside for now
Final Process: stay inside the garage the entire time except to get the fire starters that are ignited outside and once we enter the car. This way I am constantly breathing what's burning inside the garage from the grill. This promotes CO build up because I am actively moving around at this point. The garage should reach about 500+ ppm for a few hours. I'm also actively smoking cigarettes the entire time but I stop smoking once I enter the car. I am also smoking weed the entire time.
- Minute 1: Turn the car ignition to on and set the radio - engine is not running
- Minute 3: Put the 4" fan in the center of the back window blowing toward the front. Fan is on low speed
- Minute 4: Leave the car door open so that garage CO from the grill can enter
- Minute 5: Start 4 chimney starters - each holds about 1.5 kg so a total of 6 kg (this will be for the grill in the garage) *I have extra charcoal for this purpose (skipping this step saves 20 minutes)
- Minute 14: Take a shot of Vodka - Shot 1
- Minute 25: The chimney starter should be ready. Dump them into the grill to pollute the garage air (this grill is not going in the car). *worth pointing out the garage is not sealed but with the doors closed it's not well ventilated
- Minute 27: Take Dramamine to help avoid vomiting the capsules.
- Minute 28: Take a shot of Vodka - Shot 2
- Minute 30: Start four more chimney starters. Another 6 kg (this will be for the buckets, 3 kg in each)
- Minute 45: Take a shot of Vodka - Shot 3
- Minute 50: Take 2000 mg of vitamin C *i read this increases how fast the amygdalin is converted to hydrogen cyanide
- Minute 60: Chimney starters should be ready for the buckets. Dump two chimney starters into each bucket and put them directly in the car.
- Minute 62: Start one more chimney starter - this one for the tray. ~1.5 kg
- Minute 64: Take a shot of Vodka - Shot 4
- Minute 75: Take all 45 apricot kernel capsules. Taking them with Pepsi. Get them down fast
- Minute 82: Chimney starter for the tray should be good now and can be dumped into the tray. Place the tray in the driver's seat.
- Minute 88: Get inside the car and immediately put the seat belt on and take quick deep breaths
- Minute 90: 7000+ ppm likely. I'll be unconscious now and the apricot kernels are still digesting *unconsciousness is likely
- Minute 94: The conversion from amygdalin to hydrogen cyanide is now active *unconsciousness from CO with high certainty
- Minute 110: If not dead from CO by now then the cyanide is starting to do it's thing. I can still vomit while unconscious reducing the cyanide quantity
- Minute 130: CTB very likely from CO
- Minute 180: If the CO didn't work then the cyanide should finish it off soon
The tray will burn out first but create a quick CO spike. The buckets will burn for longer and help maintain levels of 3000+ for about 2 hours. The buckets are in the car for 20 minutes before I get inside with the tray. This is only because of the number of chimney starters I have. Upon entering I expect 3000+ ppm and with the tray now inside it should get up to 7000+ ppm if my seal is good. Even if not greatly sealed the air outside is polluted due to the grill burning so any exchange from leakage won't be fresh air. The last time I did this with only 1.5 kg of charcoal and waited 20 min for the ppm to reach 3000+ then I got it. I went unconscious in seconds. I am using more than 4x the charcoal this time as well as the apricot kernels.
I have no fear with the dying part, but I have some fear about what comes next. It's the fear of the unknown. I also fear the sorrow I will burden my family with.
GOODBYE
I will be doing this sometime in the next 10 days. I'm using a range because I really don't know who is reading this and their intentions. I won't reply back when I'm going to do it unless you are someone that has already been private messaging me. I might reply to comments in this thread for the next few days, but after that I'll have caught the bus or I am enjoying the remainder before I catch the bus. I'm really new here so I didn't really get to know any of you. For the few that reached out to me directly, thank you, and I'm sorry we couldn't get to know each other better and I'm sorry you are going through problems too. To the rest of you, I read a lot here and I think you are all great. I'm so sorry that all of us have issues that brought us here, but it's nice there is a place where we can share our stories. I wish everyone here that their issues be solved and become at peace. I honestly don't want anyone here to hurt themselves, but I understand there are valid reasons for doing so.
Goodbye SASU. I hope all of you find peace in some way.
