banger12
Former nerd; current burden
- Aug 1, 2024
- 276
I finally have some good news! :D
So I realized I was overthinking part of procuring my preferred suicide method, which makes me confident I could actually acquire the means. There is still small detail regarding that but I'll make a separate post asking about it down the line. So I probably can actually do this method and the obstacles aren't as large as I feared.
Additionally, I now have a definitive timeframe for when I'll likely be able to pull it off and I can start drafting the plan proper. Within the next two months I should be able to pay off the rest of the debt I owe for my cats surgery and thus save the money I need. In either April or May my family members I live with will start taking trips out of town, so I have plenty of windows of time in which I could do this all.
In short, I now know that I'll be able to kill myself how I want to, and I even have a rough idea as to when. That fills me with more relief than I've had in a while and even a bit of joy. I know that it'll happen now and I see the end in sight for the hell I've endured over the past year.
Of course a huge problem still weighs on my mind: will I have the strength to follow through or will I be a coward? I hope the former but I fear that the latter is very possible. I'll have to find some work around and solutions in case. However, I'm not going to let this bring me down too much right now; I'm just going to enjoy the big victory described a bunch.
I might get to die and escape all of this after all :)
So I realized I was overthinking part of procuring my preferred suicide method, which makes me confident I could actually acquire the means. There is still small detail regarding that but I'll make a separate post asking about it down the line. So I probably can actually do this method and the obstacles aren't as large as I feared.
Additionally, I now have a definitive timeframe for when I'll likely be able to pull it off and I can start drafting the plan proper. Within the next two months I should be able to pay off the rest of the debt I owe for my cats surgery and thus save the money I need. In either April or May my family members I live with will start taking trips out of town, so I have plenty of windows of time in which I could do this all.
In short, I now know that I'll be able to kill myself how I want to, and I even have a rough idea as to when. That fills me with more relief than I've had in a while and even a bit of joy. I know that it'll happen now and I see the end in sight for the hell I've endured over the past year.
Of course a huge problem still weighs on my mind: will I have the strength to follow through or will I be a coward? I hope the former but I fear that the latter is very possible. I'll have to find some work around and solutions in case. However, I'm not going to let this bring me down too much right now; I'm just going to enjoy the big victory described a bunch.
I might get to die and escape all of this after all :)
