going to ctb after graduation

[RtIctOAr]

I'm working on the last year of my PhD in space physics. I'm planning on graduating within the next year.

My situation can be summarized as follows:

* large debt load from an extended education
* no job prospects for the future (and yes, I have done all the "right" things).
* miserable family. My dad disowned me, my brother doesn't talk to me, and my sister doesn't respect me. Only my mom loves me, and she suffers from an immense depression as well.
* love of science and teaching, but unfortunately, to succeed at either you need to be around 3 standard deviations from the mean. I'm about average in terms of raw talent.
* been treated for depression for around 10 years. Nothing has helped.

I've examined the facts and come to the conclusion that I don't want to, or need to, continue to be alive, especially in the world as it is now. There are other, better people, who will easily take my place.

I have a good method chosen, and I'm going to be getting my affairs in order as soon as my thesis is finished. I'm going to be taking out a large life insurance policy now so that it is valid when I execute my plan, to cover final expenses and debts.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Completing the PhD is such a great feeling. There were times I was confident I was going to give up. It was affecting my mental health so horribly. Once it was done, it was a huge burden off my shoulders. Of course, other life situations caused me to consider suicide, but at least I'll know I accomplished something pretty special before I leave this world.

Concerning your comment about not being needed in the world, I doubt that's true. Someone of your intellect, determination, and knowledge can have a really positive impact on the world.

With respect to the life insurance policy, are you sure one year will be enough? I thought the suicide clause is usually for 2-3 years.