Help Going to a therapist

[Johnzaga23]

So tomorrow im going to a therapist. I don't know why I agreed to this. I regret it more and more as time passes by. I don't think that a therapist is gonna fix my real life tangible problems or change my views about life and death. I really should just off myself already. But if I don't go, my parents aren't gonna leave me alone. But if I tell everything that I think and feel, he's probably gonna lock me up to a phychiatric ward. How much can I talk about suicide and suicidal thoughts without problem? Should I talk about suicide at all?

 

[DivineSpark]

well, if they think you are immediate danger to yourself, they might lock you up....

 

[foreverstardust]

I think it will depend what country you're in, in the UK it's very difficult to get sent to a psych ward as we just don't have the space or resources but I see a lot of Americans who say that they get send to a psych ward willy-nilly. I have disclosed methods and plans to previous therapists and they just listen and try to work through where the desire comes from and what steps could be taken to reduce the urge, they legally have to maintain confidentiality and can't report you unless they think you are going to harm yourself or someone else imminently. So it should always be safe to discuss suicide, suicidal thoughts, thoughts about life and death etc as long as you aren't telling them you're going to use X method on Y date.

You can ask your therapist from the beginning how much you can talk about, what their policies are etc and go from there. A reputable therapist will have seen this all before and won't jump the gun to try to have you committed. You could also build a relationship with them first before talking about the darker things, I spent weeks with one of my therapists just talking about work and day to day activities before I brought up the suicidal ideation.

 

[Johnzaga23]

I think it will depend what country you're in, in the UK it's very difficult to get sent to a psych ward as we just don't have the space or resources but I see a lot of Americans who say that they get send to a psych ward willy-nilly. I have disclosed methods and plans to previous therapists and they just listen and try to work through where the desire comes from and what steps could be taken to reduce the urge, they legally have to maintain confidentiality and can't report you unless they think you are going to harm yourself or someone else imminently. So it should always be safe to discuss suicide, suicidal thoughts, thoughts about life and death etc as long as you aren't telling them you're going to use X method on Y date.

You can ask your therapist from the beginning how much you can talk about, what their policies are etc and go from there. A reputable therapist will have seen this all before and won't jump the gun to try to have you committed. You could also build a relationship with them first before talking about the darker things, I spent weeks with one of my therapists just talking about work and day to day activities before I brought up the suicidal ideation.

cant he do anything if he suspects that im hiding things from him, especially if its obvious?

 

[Redacted24]

I've been in therapy on and off for years. It's just a place to talk.
The first few meetings, think about them as part of an interview process. You can decide if there's a connection and you feel comfortable continuing to talk with that one, or to request a different one.
They will also ask you questions about yourself. Answer what you feel comfortable answering. They aren't going to accuse you of hiding things. They're there to give you a relatively safe place to talk about your feelings, fears, life, whatever.

Like others have mentioned, they usually have mandatory reporting thresholds where if you say you're going to hurt yourself or someone else they are required to contact authorities. Probably not a great idea to go there with them straight off!

Once you've established a relationship, it's possible to get toward that without triggering their limit. I have with mine, she knows I have suicidal ideas. But I never let on a plan/ timeline in any detail.
Give it a try... it might help give you some mental exercises that could help you through the rough times.
Good luck!

 

[Johnzaga23]

therapy update: so I went to the therapy session and i think i fucked it up. I got distracted mid session and I fumbled some questions, which i believe led the therapist to made the wrong conlusions. He attributed all my problems to my loneliness and that i rationalize my career concerns. I should've made it more clear that im confident that my career concerns are valid and that loneliness isnt the only issue.

 

[Redacted24]

It's your first meeting... I'm a little surprised that the practitioner came to some opinion after just one session.

That actually isn't a good sign about that person... too quick to reach a conclusion with limited information.

You might consider seeing another provider, or at least check if one is available. Otherwise (and hate to seem judgy) I don't have confidence this one will be very helpful.

Oh, and you didn't do anything wrong! You said whatever, and in therapy that should be okay. It's not a graded exercise - it's supposed to be a place where you can feel safe and supported.

Please go for another session but with someone else. It'll be okay!

 

[Johnzaga23]

It's your first meeting... I'm a little surprised that the practitioner came to some opinion after just one session.

That actually isn't a good sign about that person... too quick to reach a conclusion with limited information.

You might consider seeing another provider, or at least check if one is available. Otherwise (and hate to seem judgy) I don't have confidence this one will be very helpful.

Oh, and you didn't do anything wrong! You said whatever, and in therapy that should be okay. It's not a graded exercise - it's supposed to be a place where you can feel safe and supported.

Please go for another session but with someone else. It'll be okay!

he basically said to solve my social issue and then come again.. which will propably take time, while my career future is hanging by a thread..

 

[Rymrgand]

he basically said to solve my social issue and then come again.. which will propably take time, while my career future is hanging by a thread..

Wait what? Did they tell you to leave? Did they basically reject you then?

 

[Redacted24]

I'll be succinct and a bit crude because I'm angered by your story.

Ditch that turd immediately and get someone else asap.
Sorry. The individual you met is colossally inept. You deserve way better.

 

[MelancholyMagic]

How much can I talk about suicide and suicidal thoughts without problem? Should I talk about suicide at all?

It depends on the therapist. Some are willing and able to discuss suicide, and won't do anything unless you say you have a plan and intend to act on it in the near future. But this is the exception. Many therapists freak out when someone expresses suicidal ideation, and want to cover their asses in the unlikely chance the client CTBs. From the therapist's perspective, he has a clean conscious and avoids all legal liability by committing you. He might lose a client, but there is a line out the door for replacements, because people have been sold the lie that therapy works.

In many places (including the United States), therapists are unable to involuntarily commit you without another so-called "professional" examining you, but this other person nearly always rubber stamps commitment if it is a 72-hour hold. So don't think you'll be protected from the whims of your therapist.

 

[Rymrgand]

It depends on the therapist. Some are willing and able to discuss suicide, and won't do anything unless you say you have a plan and intend to act on it in the near future. But this is the exception. Many therapists freak out when someone expresses suicidal ideation, and want to cover their asses in the unlikely chance the client CTBs. From the therapist's perspective, he has a clean conscious and avoids all legal liability by committing you. He might lose a client, but there is a line out the door for replacements, because people have been sold the lie that therapy works.

In many places (including the United States), therapists are unable to involuntarily commit you without another so-called "professional" examining you, but this other person nearly always rubber stamps commitment if it is a 72-hour hold. So don't think you'll be protected from the whims of your therapist.

I don't think they are the exception. Sure, as you are saying, if you talk about how you are going to do it, or about really specific methods, like SN, that you wouldn't know unless you researched a lot, they may do it.

But you have to think that, even if talking about suicide is a taboo, suicide ideation is not uncommon. You say that they would freak out, but therapists deal with suicidal ideation every day. You say that they may lose a client, but they have a line out the door, but most of them have suicidal ideation too. It simply makes no sense that they would send all of them to a ward.

In my opinion, if you don't talk too much about suicide (talking about plans, about SaSu, about SN or whatever...) and you don't reject treatment/meds, you should be safe, especially if they see you as a mature, cooperative and kinda stable adult. After all, if you were going to CTB tomorrow, you wouldn't be looking for a new therapist. Tell them that you thought about death, but you never thought about really doing it, if you want. Or just completely lie, if you want, and tell them that you didn't think about it. You can be honest after some months, if you prefer and if you feel comfortable with them (and if you don't feel comfortable with them, just leave and look for someone else).

Edit: even if I said that they are not the exception, that doesn't mean that there aren't a lot of therapists like that. A lot of them are incompetent or even abusive, and this may be your case, Johnzaga23.

 

[whywere]

I would NEVER EVER go back to someone like that ever. The person made quick assumptions and then in my point of view blew you off.

Kind of like, thanks for the money, now leave.

I have had therpsits who have made quick judements and/or seemed to care less and made off the cuff answers and I never went back .

Please find someone new, as not all are like that, it is always like everything, hit and miss.

Lots of well wishes to you, my good friend.

Walter

 

[Johnzaga23]

Today I was going to die. Or at least was considering it. I've already made my plan, i decided that the morning would be the best time to do it since most people in the residential building would be at work and wont hear any noise from my body swinging in the closet. So I thought what am I waiting for? Ive been dragging this for too long, ive already messed up, so its now or never. But I thought that im gonna see one more therapist. Maybe the new therapist let me see some things differently. So I'll wait to see what the next therapist will say to me. After that, I will make the fucking decision ive been dragging and gave up on my responsibilities for the past months. I really should be seeking therapy earlier, but im dumb af. Idk. Maybe its better now, that i'll seek therapy more seriously.

 

[Dot]

Jst FYI apprx 1 in 20 ppl in usa suffr frm suicdl thghts in n.e givn year - thy r mre commn thn u mght thnk -- thy r nt goin2 thrw evry1 in psych wrd

Try nt 2 fcus on wht u 'shld' sy -- as lng as u d/ nt mke thm thnk tht u r goin2 follw thru on thse thghts imminntly thn u shld b ok

Try 2 b as honst as u cn abt ur reasns fr b-ing suicdl & wrte thngs dwn b4 ur appointmnt if u thnk tht wll hlp u remmbr thngs proprly

 

[Regen]

Yes, try another therapy. You always have the opportunity to kill yourself in life, there are no missed opportunities, it is possible at any age. But as long as there is still a bit of hope, it's smart to try, because I've met quite a few people who got significantly better after years.

Otherwise I agree with the others, this therapist sounds bad, definitely try another one. Or another one. Or another one. There are some bad ones, lots of mediocre ones, and a few really good ones. But if you find one good one, it's worth its weight in gold.

Therapy is not a test, you don't have to do anything right, you can't mess up, you're not being tested.

Otherwise, therapy and psychiatry are not the only right thing; there are many different paths to healing. At least half of them are unknown to therapists and psychiatrists.

Hang in there and fight for yourself. I really wish you the best!

 

[Johnzaga23]

You always have the opportunity to kill yourself in life, there are no missed opportunities, it is possible at any age.

"I can kill myself at any time" is a thought i know very well that it works against me, as it helps to deal with momentary anxiety but it causes procrastination. As long as I think like that, I know very well im never gonna kill myself and that ill let life get worse and worse as ignore my responsibilities as i engage in escapism, which is what is happening for the past months. "Wait for the right moment" is also a bad thought since there is no right moment, especially since you've planned everything right, or at least mostly right. Also I know that as long as I think, or rather overthink about it, im never gonna do it and ill have doubts. The best strategy would be to say "now or never" since you have your plan and there is no reason to wait any more. But I'll wait one more time, maybe its another excuse, but i want to hear from another therapist to get the full picture of my situtation that i might be missing. I'll try to be as clear as possible about my situation and thoughts, and i hope there's not any misunderstanding. Maybe im crazy, and i need to be locked. We'll see.