Venting going back and forth, need to escape

[blahblahuser1174]

i have a good method, i have a specific date chosen, i'm not scared of the pain because it will be over so fast, i'm not scared of death as i don't believe in any afterlife... but i am still scared to do it. WHY?!? i just want and need to end my suffering. the thought of having to keep going with life day after day is exhausting but i honestly think i will chicken out next week. my plan is to intentionally trigger myself while i'm at the location. idk, i'm just frustrated that i might not be able to escape and i feel trapped.

 

[D&D]

Feeling trapped between life and death is the most terrifying feeling.

I am sorry you too are in this predicament.

 

[Blacklight]

My biggest fear is the fear of failure. How humiliating that would be looking people in the face after trying to take my own life.

 

[D&D]

My biggest fear is the fear of failure. How humiliating that would be looking people in the face after trying to take my own life.

I had that fear for the long time ... until it occurred to me that feeling humiliated for attempting and failing to end one's life is a result of social conditioning. The same social conditioning that does not compel corrupt politicians, and other assorted villains causing endless suffering across the globe to feel humiliated. On the contrary - more often than not the society congratulates them for being successful.

There is no shame in being in pain and trying to end that pain. There is in causing innocent peoples' to suffer.

 

[Blacklight]

I had that fear for the long time ... until it occurred to me that feeling humiliated for attempting and failing to end one's life is a result of social conditioning. The same social conditioning that does not compel corrupt politicians, and other assorted villains causing endless suffering across the globe to feel humiliated. On the contrary - more often than not the society congratulates them for being successful.

There is no shame in being in pain and trying to end that pain. There is in causing innocent peoples' to suffer.

Fair points. I don't think I'm at that realization yet. I'm still at the point of wanting to make it look like an accident as to not upset the people around me—or to not make a mess so I'm not a burden when I'm gone too.

 

[blahblahuser1174]

My biggest fear is the fear of failure. How humiliating that would be looking people in the face after trying to take my own life.

that's interesting. i tried to take my life before and failed but i didn't find it humiliating. people will just be happy you are alive <3

 

[Blacklight]

that's interesting. i tried to take my life before and failed but i didn't find it humiliating. people will just be happy you are alive <3

I did and it was

 

[nowayout*]

My biggest fear is the fear of failure. How humiliating that would be looking people in the face after trying to take my own life.

That's exactly what my problem is.

Fair points. I don't think I'm at that realization yet. I'm still at the point of wanting to make it look like an accident as to not upset the people around me—or to not make a mess so I'm not a burden when I'm gone too.

I'm in the exact stage as you trying to figure out a way to make it look like an accident. I'm slowly starting to see there is no way of doing that.

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide can be very difficult, as even know many of us want to die, we are programmed to survive. The survival instinct is determined to keep us suffering. I understand it can be horrible to feel trapped. This life is very tiring. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.