Getting into a relationship on ss.

[TessB]

Just wondered how many of us have had romantic feelings about someone on ss? How many have actually got into a relationship with someone from here? Just it's an intense place with heightened emotions, and sharing this type of viewpoint on ctb/ choice is pretty bonding in my experience. Just curious.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Attention type problems 'probably' don't help with this kind of thing.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

Just wondered how many of us have had romantic feelings about someone on ss? How many have actually got into a relationship with someone from here? Just it's an intense place with heightened emotions, and sharing this type of viewpoint on ctb/ choice is pretty bonding in my experience. Just curious.

I dated a member for about 6 months or so. It was an intense relationship. We used to post together sometimes and discuss threads or methods even. It was difficult but I think we actually helped eachother stick around.

The relationship burned out because all we really had in common was sex and suicidal ideation. She self banned and went on to recover, I'm still here and fighting myself. I don't regret it but I definitely wouldn't recommend it for everyone.

 

[TessB]

I dated a member for about 6 months or so. It was an intense relationship. We used to post together sometimes and discuss threads or methods even. It was difficult but I think we actually helped eachother stick around.

The relationship burned out because all we really had in common was sex and suicidal ideation. She self banned and went on to recover, I'm still here and fighting myself. I don't regret it but I definitely wouldn't recommend it for everyone.

That does sound intense..are you still in touch with her? I feel like sex and death can be a pretty irresistible combination especially for certain types of people, me included.

 

[botanormal]

I got into a relationship with someone I met on here (although they no longer use the site)! It was a long distance relationship - we wanted to meet up, but with covid restrictions & the UK lockdown, it was never possible. In the end, we had to break up because of mental health, but it was really sweet whilst it lasted. I guess the catch of meeting someone on a suicide forum is that they're always going to be suffering in some kind of way, and of course you don't want to see those you care about going through so much pain. It can become really hard for both people after a while! Although being with somebody who understands you is also really comforting, and there's definitely something intense about connecting through these kinds of viewpoints & experiences.

 

[BitterlyAlive_]

Romantic feelings aren't surprising on a site like this. I mean, here we are vulnerable and sharing some intimate, scary things with each other. We're suicidal. Put together, this can all make for some intense bonds. There have been many people here who have started romantic relationships with fellow members.

It may sound like a good idea to start a relationship with someone from here. It may even sound therapeutic. But in my opinion, it's generally not a good idea. Both parties must be clear on things such as the goal of the relationship (recovery vs suicide, amongst other things). One person may end up in a position where they feel like they have to save the other person, for example. The relationship quickly becomes unhealthy. Boundaries can be forgotten or become inconsistent. Etc. There's more, but I can't clear out the muck in my head - I hope this is okay for now.

Basically I don't think relationships from the site are doomed, but due to the nature of thd site and a few other things, the odds for a healthy romantic relationship seem stacked against people.

And, sorry, to answer your question, I've never had romantic feelings for someone here. I can say for better or worse, I feel closer to my friends here than anyone irl. But to me, my friends are just super cool people that I click with. If I feel anything "beyond" that, it's that they feel like brothers/sisters/aunts/uncles. Haha.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That does sound intense..are you still in touch with her? I feel like sex and death can be a pretty irresistible combination especially for certain types of people, me included.

We continued to talk until more recently. Her mental health issues (borderline, and bipolar) became too much to deal with for me. She had other issues with controlling behavior and jealousy as well.

The problem really arises once you become attached. Then you're constantly worried that they'll CTB and leave you behind. Sure it was fun but it's too hard to build anything on that.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I was going to link the thread where I posted about the relationship I almost had with someone but it got deleted for some reason. Here's the really long story that only takes place over five days:

Once upon a time, a few months ago on September 24th, 2020 I received a message on here from a now self-banned SS user. She gave me her discord and started telling me stuff about how she was enthralled by my posts and wanted to learn more about me. I didn't expect any kind of relationship at all from her or anyone else on this site but I decided to humor her anyway with my life story.

It turned out we had a lot in common from our pasts to the way we process certain things. After some more digging we both realized we only live within about 20 miles away from each other. Over the next couple days we found out that we also happen to meet each other's standards both physically and mentally for what we're attracted to which I didn't think was possible for me because I'm unfortunately quite picky for no reason. It was honestly really scary how much we had in common and we kept joking we were both trying to scam each other or that we were on some kind of prank show. I was even able to tell her things I had never told anyone else before. Back then I also would talk a lot on this site about how much of an incel I am (which I still think I am even if this one person was attracted to me). She didn't care I guess, in fact that's what she was into but she herself admits that she's kind of abnormal like that.

Well the last time I liked a girl before this, I took too long to say how I feel so I figured this time the right thing to do was to make it clear right away. My body I guess decided to catch feelings for her and fall hard in love. Why not, right? She was already telling me how hot it was that I was a virgin at this age meaning she clearly wanted me and she was also into me romantically too from all that we had in common. What could go wrong?

Unfortunately all of that good stuff was just there to make the fall even worse. Midway through, she confided in me that she physically couldn't have children due to a surgery she volunteered for. She herself says she's not an antinatalist or anything, she just believed her fucked up family should not be allowed to pass on which I can totally sympathize with. Before she told me this, she asked me if I wanted kids myself. I said more likely yes than no. When I found out, it didn't turn me off from her completely. I felt like if we got into a relationship it would be something we could work towards and have dialogues on in the future. For the meantime, that answer satisfied her.

Then about five days in, she cuts it off. It was September 29th, 2020 at 9:05 pm. I had just finished laughing at how poor the first presidential debate had gone. She claimed the relationship would never work because of that. What was really going on though was that she was going to move back to her home state. This was just when we were making plans to see each other in person and before we had actually even done that. I tried to beg her that I could make it work, that I could change and go hardcore into not wanting kids. I even made a thread here a few days later where I weighed the pros and cons in order to convince myself. It wasn't enough. She self-banned from here because she was getting bullied for some reason by other members and that was it. I respected her wishes and left her alone for a few weeks but after a while I couldn't get her out of my mind. I reached out and we talked a little after that but I haven't heard from her since October 25th even though I made one other attempt to rekindle the conversation. Silence.

Since then I've decided to move my CTB from when I'm 30 to when I'm 28. That's the earliest possible date I can do it and I've decided there's no point living any longer. I probably left some details out as I'm still stricken with grief and hardly over it. Those five days were the happiest I've had in a very long time and we didn't even get to meet each other. We did get to see each other's faces over a video chat but that was it.

Because of this I probably don't see myself ever being able to recreate these odds. No matter who's attracted to me next there's almost no way they could compare. It would be cruel to them to let them be with me anyway because of all these other problems going on in my life and I'm sure that's what she must have realized too...

 

[TessB]

I was going to link the thread where I posted about the relationship I almost had with someone but it got deleted for some reason. Here's the really long story that only takes place over five days:

Once upon a time, a few months ago on September 24th, 2020 I received a message on here from a now self-banned SS user. She gave me her discord and started telling me stuff about how she was enthralled by my posts and wanted to learn more about me. I didn't expect any kind of relationship at all from her or anyone else on this site but I decided to humor her anyway with my life story.

It turned out we had a lot in common from our pasts to the way we process certain things. After some more digging we both realized we only live within about 20 miles away from each other. Over the next couple days we found out that we also happen to meet each other's standards both physically and mentally for what we're attracted to which I didn't think was possible for me because I'm unfortunately quite picky for no reason. It was honestly really scary how much we had in common and we kept joking we were both trying to scam each other or that we were on some kind of prank show. I was even able to tell her things I had never told anyone else before. Back then I also would talk a lot on this site about how much of an incel I am (which I still think I am even if this one person was attracted to me). She didn't care I guess, in fact that's what she was into but she herself admits that she's kind of abnormal like that.

Well the last time I liked a girl before this, I took too long to say how I feel so I figured this time the right thing to do was to make it clear right away. My body I guess decided to catch feelings for her and fall hard in love. Why not, right? She was already telling me how hot it was that I was a virgin at this age meaning she clearly wanted me and she was also into me romantically too from all that we had in common. What could go wrong?

Unfortunately all of that good stuff was just there to make the fall even worse. Midway through, she confided in me that she physically couldn't have children due to a surgery she volunteered for. She herself says she's not an antinatalist or anything, she just believed her fucked up family should not be allowed to pass on which I can totally sympathize with. Before she told me this, she asked me if I wanted kids myself. I said more likely yes than no. When I found out, it didn't turn me off from her completely. I felt like if we got into a relationship it would be something we could work towards and have dialogues on in the future. For the meantime, that answer satisfied her.

Then about five days in, she cuts it off. It was September 29th, 2020 at 9:05 pm. I had just finished laughing at how poor the first presidential debate had gone. She claimed the relationship would never work because of that. What was really going on though was that she was going to move back to her home state. This was just when we were making plans to see each other in person and before we had actually even done that. I tried to beg her that I could make it work, that I could change and go hardcore into not wanting kids. I even made a thread here a few days later where I weighed the pros and cons in order to convince myself. It wasn't enough. She self-banned from here because she was getting bullied for some reason by other members and that was it. I respected her wishes and left her alone for a few weeks but after a while I couldn't get her out of my mind. I reached out and we talked a little after that but I haven't heard from her since October 25th even though I made one other attempt to rekindle the conversation. Silence.

Since then I've decided to move my CTB from when I'm 30 to when I'm 28. That's the earliest possible date I can do it and I've decided there's no point living any longer. I probably left some details out as I'm still stricken with grief and hardly over it. Those five days were the happiest I've had in a very long time and we didn't even get to meet each other. We did get to see each other's faces over a video chat but that was it.

Because of this I probably don't see myself ever being able to recreate these odds. No matter who's attracted to me next there's almost no way they could compare. It would be cruel to them to let them be with me anyway because of all these other problems going on in my life and I'm sure that's what she must have realized too...

God.. I just want to say thank you so much for sharing that. I mean my initial reaction is so trite and pointless, that I know you could meet someone else who could make you feel that way so hold out for that.. but I get how you feel and I know that's not really helpful.
I just appreciate so much you sharing that honest insightful story. It was very interesting to read.. I'm so sorry you are still experiencing grief over the loss of her though

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

God.. I just want to say thank you so much for sharing that. I mean my initial reaction is so trite and pointless, that I know you could meet someone else who could make you feel that way so hold out for that.. but I get how you feel and I know that's not really helpful.
I just appreciate so much you sharing that honest insightful story. It was very interesting to read.. I'm so sorry you are still experiencing grief over the loss of her though

You're welcome, and thank you yourself. I hope people can learn from my situation somehow though I'm not sure how exactly...

 

[GarageKarate07]

I dated a member for about 6 months or so. It was an intense relationship. We used to post together sometimes and discuss threads or methods even. It was difficult but I think we actually helped eachother stick around.

The relationship burned out because all we really had in common was sex and suicidal ideation. She self banned and went on to recover, I'm still here and fighting myself. I don't regret it but I definitely wouldn't recommend it for everyone.

You and this person had a physical relationship? Or you talked about sex in posts? Like you and this person were together in real life?

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Feelings yes, relationship no. Also made one or two of what I consider friends or close friends.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

You and this person had a physical relationship? Or you talked about sex in posts? Like you and this person were together in real life?

Yes we were together in real life, nearly every day. She only lives an hour away from me.

 

[aneurysm]

@GenesAndEnvironment recently opened up to me about his feelings for me and even proposed to me (sorry for telling everyone, Genes :p). But @Dr Iron Arc's openess inspired me.

Occasionally, @Makko sexually harasses me but I keep telling her that I'm not into same sex relationship. I know she is joking but sometimes I feel like she is serious. One thing is sure, she's definitely gay.

As for me, I sometimes had fleeting feelings for @GenesAndEnvironment but very fleeting and inconsistant. I also feel I could have feeling for Makko if she was a man. Other than that, nothing.

At the moment, I don't have feelings for anyone. The thing with me is that if I have feelings for someone, I can just brainwash myself into suppressing and abandoning these feelings completely. I have done that most of my life and so I'm completely incapable of developing consistant feelings for anyone. My brain is used to to just automatically delete romantic feelings or transforming them into "deep sympathy/affection" but not romantic.

 

[Water-Lily]

I'll summarize my experience
I had met someone on this site when I was really struggling
They had PM'd me acting supportive. I had a gut feeling that it was too good to be true. I wish I listened to my gut
The individual was a sociopath and manipulated me sexually and psychologically or a month
It left me worse off than before and I ended up self banning, only to have been stalked by them on Reddit
It severely ruined my experience here and I cannot feel safe on SS in the same way that I have before, reminding me that if I cannot feel safe on SS then I might as well suicide.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

As for me, I sometimes had fleeting feelings for @GenesAndEnvironment but very fleeting and inconsistant.

At the moment, I don't have feelings for anyone.

Just pour the entire bag of salt into my wounds, thank you.

 

[sadgirl2002]

I met someone on here in August 2018 and even though it was such a short time, I knew I loved him. I still do... I spent these past two years waiting for him, hoping he'd come around. We are very much the same, he's the one I had waited for all these years. The more I found out about him, the more I loved him. Unfortunately, he left because he was scared of getting close to me and he was also in the US and the long distance thing put pressure on him. It hurts so much, I still remember every word he said... all the lovely things he said to me... how I felt when I was talking with him. And that was enough to keep me here for these past two years. I miss him so much, I know that he's gone. I can feel it... and I will be with him soon.

 

[Makko]

Occasionally, @Makko sexually harasses me

 

[aneurysm]

Just pour the entire bag of salt into my wounds, thank you.

aww no Genes, don't fall for this attempt of me to protect myself :')

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

aww no Genes, don't fall for this attempt of me to protect myself :')

Pm me then

 

[NumbItAll]

Wow everyone has all these passionate love stories... is there a secret dating subforum that I wasn't invited to?

 

[aneurysm]

Pm me then

WHA-

in my culture, girls don't usually do the first move.

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

WHA-

in my culture, girls don't usually do the first move.
View attachment 62432

Check your settings

 

[aneurysm]

I had a thing with Edward1

We all knew you had a thing for someone from you even making this thread. You were just desperately looking for context to express your feelings to him

Busted, Tess.

View attachment 62430

No but seriously Makko, I wish you were male. I remember being so disappointed when I realized you were a girl. You come off as intelligent and cold to me wish I find so sexy sometimes hehe

Check your settings

Daisy's avoidant personality disorder:

 

[BeansOfRequirement]

Daisy's avoidant personality disorder:
View attachment 62447

ok, based

 

[Makko]

No but seriously Makko, I wish you were male. I remember being so disappointed when I realized you were a girl. You come off as intelligent and cold to me wish I find so sexy sometimes hehe

I guess it's one of the reasons I don't get along with anyone romantically, be they men or women. At least one of the two things will always be wrong.

 

[TessB]

We all knew you had a thing for someone from you even making this thread. You were just desperately looking for context to express your feelings to him

Busted, Tess.

No but seriously Makko, I wish you were male. I remember being so disappointed when I realized you were a girl. You come off as intelligent and cold to me wish I find so sexy sometimes hehe

Daisy's avoidant personality disorder:
View attachment 62447

Haha! Well.. to be honest this thread was about me getting close with @D11FER recently.. but thankfully I feel I may have given him a way out before he gets all caught up in the miserable pile of crap that's my life. Xx

 

[summers]

Well, I'm not into romantic relationships any more - I would rather the fwb route. I have one or two really good friends on here. I think it would be nice to meet up and hang out, but it seems like almost everyone I connect with is in another country.

I hate generalizing, but it seems like a lot of ss members are looking for more serious, romantic relationships. Which seems odd since a lot of us on here have some kind of expiration date.

 

[aneurysm]

Which seems odd since a lot of us on here have some kind of expiration date.

I guess you could say SS members are "hopelessly" romantic haha.
...
hahahaha
HehehahahHahahHhahahaHAHA
but like, I'm so funny

 

[262653]

I hate generalizing, but it seems like a lot of ss members are looking for more serious, romantic relationships. Which seems odd since a lot of us on here have some kind of expiration date.

Someone here compared compared the average lifespan of a SSzen to the shelf life of a yogurt. Always gave me a good chuckle, that one.

I've met some cool people here. To be honest, I can imagine having any kind of above acquaintance-level partnership with someone who wouldn't be suicidal, because that would be some some fundamental-level incompatibility. It's like a health freak meeting a junk food enthusiast.