NSFW Gallows Humor (Please share dark jokes) 😂🤣😅

[maniac116]

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

 

[The Actual Devil]

The other day, I was going through my family's old cookbooks when something in the soup section caught my eye.

"Chicken stock, beef stock, fish stock... laughing stock?"

I focused on that last one.

"Take one pound ground clown meat..."

 

[maniac116]

An inmate on death row is scheduled to be put to death by firing squad..

He doesn't request a last meal or anything special for his last day.

As he stands before the firing squad he says, "Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favorite song, one whole time through, with no interruptions."

The guard nods solemnly and tells him to go ahead.

The inmate starts, "One billion bottles of beer on the wall... .".

 

[badkarma4618]

she chicken jorkeying my nethers till i reach the end

 

[The Actual Devil]

News report: Elon Musk says his daughter is "dead" to him and he is going to pretend that she no longer exists.

Everyone else: How do we get him to treat us like that?

 

[Skallagrim]

 

[maniac116]

1. Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing.... What covid is doing is just plaguerism.
2. What is Mozart doing right now? Decomposing.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I put this here because definitely NSFW

Biscuit Beats-I Ain't Gay

Dude has a lot of songs on YouTube

 

[maniac116]

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Another One

Biscuit Beats-Rubbin' One Out

 

[The Actual Devil]

Satan used to run a small diner.

One day, a woman walks in and places an order.

He asked her, "How do you want your egg?"

"Deviled," she answered.

So, he got her pregnant.

 

[Skallagrim]

 

[maniac116]

A boss asks his employee, "Do you believe there is Life After Death?"
The employee replied, "Certainly not Sir, there's no proof of it."
The boss said, "Well, there is… After you left office early yesterday to go to your cousin's funeral, he came here looking for you.".

 

[Skallagrim]

 

[The Actual Devil]

I was driving with my nephew, and he kept telling me about his new opinions on female celebrities after these certain "podcasts" he'd been listening to.

"Lady Gaga is almost 40; she hit the wall."

"Katy Perry is 40; she hit the wall."

"Selena Gomez is in her 30s; she hit the wall."

So, enough was enough, and I drove the car off the highway.

We hit the wall.