fsh attempt

[stiarling]

The last attempt was a failure.
Everything was meticulously planned and executed; I considered all possibilities and steps,
BUT
I underestimated the most crucial element: courage. At the last moment, I became extremely confused.
The concepts of pro-life, which I don't believe in, started overwhelming my mind like a paralyzing force; it was a strange sensation of losing control over my thoughts. I began contemplating the existence of hell, despite being a complete atheist.
I started to tremble, the noose was around my neck, but I couldn't step off the ladder. I always underestimated the si, but it seems to be a real thing indeed.
All I can gather from this experience is that suicide requires a lot of bravery and courage. it's easier said than done, and anyone who says otherwise knows nothing about suicide.

 

[_wishforwings]

It's definitely really rough, I swear I can feel completely ready and it's like the minute you are actually standing on the chair with the rope around your neck, so much insane fear just activates almost immediately. It's insane how hard it is even if it's literally all you think about. Closest I ever got was two nights ago accidentally slipping off of the chair but of course my feet ended up touching the ground.. Maybe just standing on the ladder more and more can eventually help gather the courage, even though sometimes I wonder if that'll just make SI worse each time, idk man.