forced to stay alive

[Crazy4u]

forced to stay alive because I don't want to be found
forced to stay alive because I don't want to be saved against my will
forced to stay alive because I don't want to be kidnapped and locked up
forced to stay alive because I don't want things to get worse
forced to stay alive because I'm scared of failure
forced to stay alive because I'm scared of pain
forced to stay alive because I'm scared of driving and walking to my CTB location
forced to stay alive because I'm scared of the unknown
forced to stay alive because I'm ashamed of my desire to CTB
forced to stay alive because I'm ashamed of my sad feelings
forced to stay alive because I'm ashamed of my regrets and choices
forced to stay alive because I'm ashamed of myself

 

[Maxivee]

Could have written this myself

 

[nopointofliving]

You don't have to be ashamed ... you're a human being that has feelings and can be affected with external situations. Don't worry, you not crazy or something. It's totally okay to feel down, sad, angry....You have the right to feel and react in any way u like. I hug you tight, you're free mind soul, it shall be okay <3

 

[Sherri]

ok that's ok, why so much drama, when you not ready to CTB dont when you are take it , maybe its not the time yet. CTB is not a decision to be taken lightly, you know you have all those SI symptoms to deal with. All the best.

 

[Onkyo74893]

I can relate. I tried shopping for materials yesterday. Freaked me out. Didn't buy anything. Tells me it's not my time yet.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, I feel trapped as it is difficult to ctb. I have fears of failure and there is a lack of a peaceful/reliable way to exit for me. I wish it was easier to exit. I know it is hard to carry on when you are suffering so much. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[Onkyo74893]

But living with severe depression, where you never have one positive thought for days, weeks, months on end, it's tough. I'm sure many of you can relate.