Forced to be fake

[ojinzo]

It's been six weeks yesterday since my n has been at the shipping facility.
Thus, I must suffer another weekend with family, pretending to be happy and enjoying life.
Urgh.
Since my partial failure in April,
they force me to come by every two weeks to spend the weekend.
I just frekking hate being alive.
All I think about is whether shoving a butchers knife into my neck will be more painful than handcuffing myself with a plastic bag taped around the neck.
This is life.
What a life....

 

[chocolatebar]

Do you think they like you or it's all fake too?

 

[jk9761]

keep us updated if you get it . hopefully you will
did you ask the sender to try to do something

 

[MountainMonkey]

I feel like I have to be fake around everyone too. Then I resent them more. Being fake drains me. I hope you get your N soon

 

[suicidalwillreturn]

Have you tried going on an adventure on your own before drinking N? Like truly isolating yourself from people you think that are faking, what's there to lose? Any bucket lists?

 

[FuneralCry]

Life really is so horrifying and none of us should have to suffer like that. Those who have N are very lucky, it's understandable as to why you would be so frustrated by the N not arriving. It's just so unfair how planning our death is so complicated. We have already suffered enough in life and I understand that it can be tiring pretending around others. Best wishes.

 

[ojinzo]

Do you think they like you or it's all fake too?

It's all fake

 

[chocolatebar]

It's all fake

This is the worst. Families can be like a chronic pain. I wish I could just move to another country where no one knew me or had any contact.

 

[Pluto]

For me, fakeness has been a death spiral. Everyone can relate to some amount of darkness, but when the situation worsens to the extent that it is no longer relatable, one has to be ever more fake to appear normal. Eventually the masses of repressed darkness has to manifest.

 

[damaged_soul]

I'm so sorry, I hope your N arrives soon!