For those who got their ctb kit: what has changed for you since?

[_Minsk]

I'd imagine it to feel very relieving.
What has changed since then for you?
Do you feel less drawn towards ctb now or the opposite?
Thanks in advance

 

[Pluto]

I have pretty much been on a roller coaster since then, attempting recovery but running into the same barriers as before. It's infinitely better than being trapped indefinitely, but 'better' is relative.

 

[Ldog9]

More drawn. Now that I have the supposed 'gold standard' I feel obligated to do it like it is inevitable, it hangs over my head.

I'm already a very anxious person, so it could be just be that or SI, not sure. I know some people have reported 'relieve' knowing they have a safe and secure exit, but that hasn't been the case for me.

 

[Famous Last Words]

This is interesting question. One of the major causes of suicide is the feeling of being trapped but ironically, having a "suicide kit" safely hidden away in a nearby drawer can help relieve the feeling of being trapped and make living slightly more tolerable. It can get you to the next day or the next week, knowing the option is there if you want it.

I think obvious fact is missed by a lot of the opponents of this website. People who have never felt so trapped and disconnected that this is only way they can equip themselves with options.

 

[hopelessgirl]

Both. I feel I can make the decision more calmly. I'm less desperate.

 

[OnlyTheWind]

I feel like no matter how bad I feel or circumstances get, there is always a way out. I hope we get WW3 this year so I can finally give up on any hope for a future and just kill myself.

 

[Thequietone]

I'd imagine it to feel very relieving.
What has changed since then for you?
Do you feel less drawn towards ctb now or the opposite?
Thanks in advance

Sometimes when I have my bad days I just look at my kit for hours. I know I could do it any time I want to, which is really relieving.

 

[speck]

I knew when I got it that it was I inevitable that I'll use mine. In many ways, I was hoping to be spared from using it, so while I'm sparing myself a painful existence/brutal death- I've made the living more painful because I am seeing increasing evidence that I'm not worth saving and that there will be no peace in living.

 

[Frog]

It's making me more anxious to hurry up and do it. I can't stop thinking about it. Every day I try to wait a little longer, the more tempting it is to just down the bottle on impulse without making sure I'm clear to go without getting found early. Nerve-wracking.