Venting flashbacks again

[nopointofliving]

Many memories hit me back.
I remember when I was crying loud being extremely afraid and begging him to stay with me for a while. He denied amd left. I thought he would fight for me. I thought I was so much important person whom he couldn't give up on. I was extremely wrong.


I'm alone here, facing the darkness that I put myself into. He broke me into pieces. Yet, he lives his life like nothing happened. I'm extremely hurt. I can't wish him any harm because I still love him so bad. But he doesn't deserve this love. I want to get out of his memories cycle , I just can't. I can't. I'm trapped.

I just want to work hard for some time ,so I can get the materials or find a better method for a peaceful exit. Thinking of leaving soon gives me some relief and some energy. I can't imagine I'm going to live till my 50s or 60s. I can't make till that time.

I'm going to sleep now. I hope I never wake up again.

 

[heretogethelp]

Many memories hit me back.
I remember when I was crying loud being extremely afraid and begging him to stay with me for a while. He denied amd left. I thought he would fight for me. I thought I was so much important person whom he couldn't give up on. I was extremely wrong.


I'm alone here, facing the darkness that I put myself into. He broke me into pieces. Yet, he lives his life like nothing happened. I'm extremely hurt. I can't wish him any harm because I still love him so bad. But he doesn't deserve this love. I want to get out of his memories cycle , I just can't. I can't. I'm trapped.

I just want to work hard for some time ,so I can get the materials or find a better method for a peaceful exit. Thinking of leaving soon gives me some relief and some energy. I can't imagine I'm going to live till my 50s or 60s. I can't make till that time.

I'm going to sleep now. I hope I never wake up again.

Life hurts so much. I fully empathize.

 

[WornOutLife]

I can relate so much, dear.
Memories love tormenting me but the future too! I've got new students and I basically have no more room for new ones. I love my job but I'm so anxious thinking about what my days are going to be like and if they will love or hate my classes. Such a pressure! lol

Anyway, send you lots of hugs and love.

Matt

 

[FuneralCry]

That's one of the worst parts about our minds, we cannot erase things of our past and we cannot stop memories from haunting us especially the traumatic ones. I know what it is like, even in dreams to have to re experience the past again. People can be cruel and they can hurt us. I wish you the best with what you decide to do as nobody deserves to suffer.