Because I will never access them, now them, be close with them etc. I suffer from maladaptive daydreaming and in 2017 I imaged a dream person and in 2019 I found THEM. Exact mirror image of my dream. It became a fixation to me then.
I was a slave to limerence (which sounds related) for maybe 13 years or more. I eventually decided it was doing me more harm than good so, made a conscious effort to put a stop to it. I was such a mess during the throws of it though.
SadGirl
Arcanist
- Mar 24, 2019
- 451
Maladaptive daydreaming is a thought pattern in which a person spends a lot of time immersed in fantasies or daydreams. I think I have that too; it used to be worse, but now I'm better. But I understand you, nothing "serious" like dreaming about these people, but I have great admiration and even a certain obsession with these people who have already passed away. To what extent does this harm your life? If you want to send me a private message and we can talk about which people we're talking about, feel free.
I think I have an idea of which people you're talking about.
ponderingkoala
Member
- Oct 27, 2025
- 11
We've all been there. Takes boldness to share that honestly. But from my own personal experience the fixation ends once you realize they are just as human as me and you. Trick yourself to believe you can always do better
It is more nuanced than that, though. The fixation ends when you actually realize that many other people can substitute them, because anything that you actually share with them is not uncommon and can be shared with other people. But if one was coping through such fixation over something they did not attain, and they don't secure it, losing fixation just drops one in grief not dissimilar to bereavement. Meaning that if OP is suicidal but doesn't want to go yet, they may still be suicidal after losing that fixation. Not necessary, but a possibility, something to prepare for, and also means they may still want to talk about it with others.
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Pomegranate
"To die is gain."
- Jan 21, 2022
- 82
Limerence is a bitch. It's the closest thing to being addicted to a drug without taking pills. I felt so high thinking about my limerent objects, yet in reality I was making someone else the center of my universe and neglecting my in the process. The addiction lies in the waiting and yearning. It's when I actually saw my LOs that I thought to myself, "Why am I acting this way? This is just a normal person who stinks after a night's sleep and acts like an asshole every other day." But when I leave their presence, that dopamine hits HARD. No wonder it took me years to get out of it, and why I still sometimes get these stomach knots despite totally blocking all my limerent objects. All I have to keep doing now is to not engage.
Well i didn't know this limerence term before. I had this for someone I knew and it was incredibly stupid and one of many terrible decisions I've made in life. Yes I eventually also realized but it was too late really. Damage had been done. Why the f do these things exist? So many issues in this stupid brain of mine.
