First Post here - I’m a mess

[cardinal44]

Hello all, joined in the night and I have to admire all your courage and openness,

I'm a 37 year old guy with autism, and both a gambling addiction and a sex addiction.

Both addictions have nearly (and still are) ruining my life. I've cheated and used apps constantly behind my partners back, and can't ever control it. Also stole majorly from my employer to the tune of 6 figures potentially, so am very probably going to prison.

With having Autism, I'm like a robot, I can't cry, process emotional responses. I just lash out verbally or hurt myself.

I'm tired of my life, long and short of it, and feel like although I will cause my family sadness, the word is better off without me. I realise I can't CTB right now, but I'm hoping for months rather then years. It'll be better then 2 years in a jail cell?

Hope to get better but can't see it, I just want some peace in all honesty

 

[Lauriso]

Hey, we're the same age and I also just made my first post here. Our issues are quite different, but I have to say I admire your courage and openness too.
Whatever crap we're in, it all ends someday one way or another. That brings me a little bit of comfort.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really awful what you are going through. Life does just seem to be endless problems and suffering. I hope that you find freedom from your situation as none of us should ever have to endure such misery.

 

[Hiraeth Grimoire]

Welcome to the forum brother. I am sorry you need to join us, but I hope you can find what you are looking for here. Despite the few mindless/malicious pro-lifer NPCs trying to sabotage us, this is a small oasis of understanding in a hostile warring cosmos. There are many kind people who will help guide you to a peaceful exit if you so choose, and many who will help you recover if you choose this path as well. I hope your sufferings improve.

 

[noaccount]

Wow gotta say - and this is not an endorsement in any way - getting away with 6 figures worth of cash is impressive. Most working people can only hope to get away with, like, a cash registers' full, or a bottle of fancy wine, or a reel of copper or something.

I really hope you don't go to jail, sending people to jail makes absolutely nothing better in the world.

I'm also on the autism spectrum - IDK if this is the case for you at all but feeling robotic and unable to feel or process emotions for me can be a trauma reaction more than a natural or inherent part of my condition. Like I think a lot of autistic people wouldn't feel so numbed out or shut down if they were treated with respect and acceptance.