Discussion first love never die?

[puresoul]

is it possible to let your first love go? (◞‸◟)

i've been trying to forget about my first and yet only love, delete all the good and bad memories with him out of my mind, but it only gets worse (even tho i see my psychologist and discuss this with her). i've had a couple of "boyfriends" but i pushed them away cause they're not, well basically they're not him. it is so exhausting to live with the fact that i will never be able to go back in time and prevent mistakes that have led to what i have now.
tell me your heartbreak story if you want to :—-)

is it true that time heals?
thank you for your replies in advance

 

[landmine]

for me, it took a long time but it's possible.
they were someone i thought would be "the one" and well, our relationship didn't work out. I don't blame them or me really, we had our own issues and at that, was young. at times i still feel regret for how i may have acted and have burdened them with my feelings. i may not be fully "over" but things come and go. i wish them the best for whatever they chose.

i'm in a new relationship and it's going well so far! we're going to be 9 months on the 22nd and he's going to see me for our anniversary.

 

[Tired_of_myself]

thanks for sharing
I'm really sorry you feel this way … I kind of understand this feeling
I don't know what led you to end this relationship and what made you split up… in my case, it was a major issue of timing I guess… I don't know… sometimes you met someone and your life is a mess… that was my case
Today I understand that if you love someone in a wealthy happy place, you stay whatever's happen. This thought gave me strength to start over again

 

[nobody_oac]

For me? Time never healed my wounds. They may have closed up and scarred over, but a phantom pain lingers. Time just made it easier to tolerate.

For dramatic effect, it took place a quarter of a century ago.

 

[Reflection]

I've been broken up with 2 years ago and it still hurts like the first day and it's the only reason that has driven me to the brink of suicide. She might even get married soon which just makes my heart sink at the thought of it.

I am pretty sure that it's impossible for me to just let go and never look back and I accepted that. I know for sure that I long for the person herself and not just qhat she brought into my life so there's no way I can replace her, the same way I couldn't replace a parent or a sibling if they were gone.

I also really don't know whether people who say time healed their wounds are being genuine or just coping because they found someone to clog that hole.

 

[_Gollum_]

For me? Time never healed my wounds. They may have closed up and scarred over, but a phantom pain lingers. Time just made it easier to tolerate.

Yep, this is my case too. I have a long way to go to 25, but it's already been 5 years and it hasn't gotten better. He's still constantly on my mind.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

If they're your only love, of course you're not going to get over them. You need to create new bonds so that the old broken ones can lose their grip over you, otherwise you're never going to heal. It took me a few relationships to properly get over my first ex, and having seen her recently again, I'm glad I did. I'm doing much better now, than I ever would've with them.

 

[Tumblewillow]

We put our first loves on a pedestal because it's our first time feeling such a gripping emotion. Its hard not to spiral into "what ifs", what if we met at a different time, if only I'd know this etc.

Another reason is that if you lose someone before the time the relationship plays out or you're ready for it to end, then you don't ever get out of the honeymoon phase and think the honeymoon is the only good part. So you keep chasing this high.

I try to remind myself that they are just a regular person. They're not as unique or special as I think they are, I'm just remembering how good things felt. I'm sure if you stayed by anyone's side long enough the boring, frustrating and sometimes unforgivable parts of them will show eventually, as we've all got them.

Letting go is something you have to actively work on, it doesn't just leave passively!

 

[bluebabypiano]

is it possible to let your first love go? (◞‸◟)

i've been trying to forget about my first and yet only love, delete all the good and bad memories with him out of my mind, but it only gets worse (even tho i see my psychologist and discuss this with her). i've had a couple of "boyfriends" but i pushed them away cause they're not, well basically they're not him. it is so exhausting to live with the fact that i will never be able to go back in time and prevent mistakes that have led to what i have now.
tell me your heartbreak story if you want to :—-)

is it true that time heals?
thank you for your replies in advance

It took me about 8-9 years, I think. I thought the feeling will stay with me forever, but yes, it is possible. It may take a lot of time, but it will pass.

 

[GhostInTheMachine]

Ironically enough, I had a dream about her last night, so I think my subconscious is trying to cling to her even though I have gotten well over her.

 

[miles-away]

I guess my first real "love" was my shitty ex boyfriend who tried to leave me for his 30 year old girlfriend. Ngl, I was deeply, deeply codependent on him and I gave him the benefit of the doubt multiple times when it was clear he was trying to ghost me. I mourned him for about two months. Now I can objectively say he was a huge loser and I didn't love him. I just wanted to.

 

[Unhumanly.]

I relate to this a lot but I never ever have any other partner than my first

 

[lionetta12]

is it possible to let your first love go? (◞‸◟)

i've been trying to forget about my first and yet only love, delete all the good and bad memories with him out of my mind, but it only gets worse (even tho i see my psychologist and discuss this with her). i've had a couple of "boyfriends" but i pushed them away cause they're not, well basically they're not him. it is so exhausting to live with the fact that i will never be able to go back in time and prevent mistakes that have led to what i have now.
tell me your heartbreak story if you want to :—-)

is it true that time heals?
thank you for your replies in advance

I don't know if this is the cause, but maybe the reason you aren't able to let go is because it's the only person you have loved? Not so much that it's the first. I haven't thought about my first loves in 10 years and I don't feel anything for them anymore. The person I was in my longest relationship with, I also do not feel anything for because when I reconnected with them last year or so, I realised that they are not my type and they are kind of weird so I was like yeah I have no feelings for them and I don't think about them in that way anymore. I actually think now wow, I am glad that I don't like them anymore because I'd probably be dead by now if I ever went back, not in a CTB way but I think he'd probably at some point take me to the deep woods and just hurt me until I pass away. I only like one person and that's the person I've had 2 pregnancies with, and I struggle liking anyone else because this is the most compatible person I have ever known and also the person I have the most in common with. I don't consider that a bad thing because I don't want to settle for someone I genuinly don't like and who will get on my nerves and pretend to like them.

 

[usernamesarehard]

Well I'm going through this right now. My first boyfriend broke up with me. He wants to be friends later on and hasn't completely closed the door to us trying again. This thread is not giving me hope for the future lol.

Like I think I could get over him if he was a bad person or did me wrong or we just had different life goals, but that wasn't the case. He's a good person. Trustworthy, honest, caring, loving. He didn't do anything wrong, he just fell out of love with me. And we had similar goals. We both wanted marriage, I originally didn't want kids, but I'd be open to them if it was with him, we're both monogamous and we both are morally against cheating and definitely wouldn't cheat on the other person.

I'm planning on waiting for him, but after a certain point I will ctb because I can't deal with life anymore.