Venting Finally my SI (survival instinct) is showing itself so I can process it.

[VoidDesirer22]

Now that I am in the absolute endgame phase of my life, I am getting more anxiety and images flashing in my head of those I'll be leaving behind.
Nice try.

It is not enough to deter me, but I will rally my remaining strength for what is to come on the last few days. It is quite unreal how the brain works when it realizes it is going to be shut down permanently.

I think on the final day all I will be able to muster is a robotic execution of my plan while I listen to music on repeat. This is why it is so important to plan earlier when the date seems further away.

 

[shrek34]

What is your plan? Not to put you down but SI is much much stronger when you're actually trying to CTB. At least for me.

 

[_Seeking]

I'm having trouble too, there is really no reason to keep going on but my SI is trying to trick me.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I'm very sorry about the anxiety. I'd imagined having a feeling of peace. I think that's kinda what people describe (from the outside looking in) when they talk about the last days of their loved ones. There is a perceptible change, where they seem "happier" or something like that. I wonder how to tell the difference between survival instinct and re-doing the mental math and coming up with a different answer due to changing circumstances (such as having the actual means available). Asking for a friend.

 

[FuneralCry]

It can be very difficult to overcome the SI as even know we want to die, all humans are programmed to survive. I wish there was an option to fall asleep and never wake up, and not have to go through the process of ctb. I wish you the best in whatever happens, I hope you find relief from your suffering.