So, I've been planning to ctb by using yew (taxus bacata) tinctures for a while now. I finally found the perfect tree to get all the leaves that I need to go ahead, and it honestly feels weird to finally have the method in my hands. I found it completely by accident after actively searching for weeks, so it feels like fate. There's still a lot of preparation left to do as tinctures take some time to make but I'm happy to be patient in this case.
I feel very numb and calm about the situation. I thought after I found the perfect tree, maybe I'd freak out and change my mind? But I feel calmer and clearer than ever. Its like im living with my head underwater but I can still breathe if that makes any sense to anyone. Sometimes I have fits of being upset but it doesnt last more than 2 minutes then its back to being numb and tired. I am on a quite high dose of SSRIs at the moment so maybe thats why i cant access the emotions. I feel sad about disappointing and hurting my parents and friends but not enough to not go through with it.
Anyway, if anyone knows any extra information about the tincture making process, it would be helpful as obviously theres not a lot on it. I know to wait till winter so the taxine concentration is highest, and to use a very high proof alcohol. I also know to let the leaves soak in alcohol over a few weeks.
I wish things could be different but I don't think I have the energy to wait anymore. Thanks for listening.
I feel very numb and calm about the situation. I thought after I found the perfect tree, maybe I'd freak out and change my mind? But I feel calmer and clearer than ever. Its like im living with my head underwater but I can still breathe if that makes any sense to anyone. Sometimes I have fits of being upset but it doesnt last more than 2 minutes then its back to being numb and tired. I am on a quite high dose of SSRIs at the moment so maybe thats why i cant access the emotions. I feel sad about disappointing and hurting my parents and friends but not enough to not go through with it.
Anyway, if anyone knows any extra information about the tincture making process, it would be helpful as obviously theres not a lot on it. I know to wait till winter so the taxine concentration is highest, and to use a very high proof alcohol. I also know to let the leaves soak in alcohol over a few weeks.
I wish things could be different but I don't think I have the energy to wait anymore. Thanks for listening.
