Venting Feels like no matter how good things get (Suicide is enviable)

[darksoul999]

No matter how good life tries to trick me into believing things will get better i just don't believe it.

It's always the same cycle.

I feel depressed, spiral downwards into the abyss & feel terrible.

My brain/ego gives me all the reasons why (catching the bus) is completely reasonable at my lowest points.

When i am just about to "pull the trigger" my brain floods with false hope that maybe I still have a chance.

I just do not know how long i can continue on this never ending path that leads nowhere but loops over & over again.

I have been in the same place for years, nothing has really changed.

Its insane what the human mind will come up with just to survive.

It will be your best friend & worst enemy all at once.

I just don't have the energy to continue doing this.

I'm going insane.....

 

[hangtime1000]

I relate - I have just accepted I will some day soon be hanging by neck - I am just waiting for the urge to help me carry it through

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

You would be surprised at how long this cycle can continue I'm 57 now and can't believe I made it this far. Our brains are hardwired for survival and will do anything to keep us alive, including altering our thoughts. I believe our mind is separate from our brain biology and sees rhe truth at face value, which is pretty much "life sucks". The problem is we need our mind to overcome our brain biology to be able to ctb. That can only be done thru sheer willpower, which is very difficult.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

43 here. At 18 there is no way I would have imagined turning 40. I remember talking to a suicidal friend at that age thinking how ancient it is for like minded people. The survival instinct is very strong indeed. I think we are lead to know when to fake difficult interactions we dread. We also are lead to know when to seek help and to meticulously research ctb methods.